The deal
by Arminlovewithyou
Summary: Boarding catholic school AU. An Eremin fanfic filth with pain and angst. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**omg I uploaded the wrong document I am so sorry. Here, this one is the right one. Sorry, so sorry.**

The building was getting old. If you paid enough attention, you would notice the holes on the roof, the rooting ink that covered the walls, the moss all over the main door and the crocked rood that sat right above it. It was at least 100 years old, and you could really see marks of the early 20th century in its foundations. The entire property was composed by the main building, which lead into two separate edifices, the boys and the girls campus, and a chapel.

Eren had gotten used to all of it though, now it was all part of his routine, along with the strict discipline, the two daily hours of church, the intensive praying, the weekly confession of sins, the physical training so that those boys, would someday become strong family men and the almost monthly beating.

He did have time to get used to it, being here ever since he was ten years old. He came here with his sister when they lost their parents. The social security told them it was the best boarding school for orphans around, but he knew it was simply the cheapest one for the state. He didn't feel angry though, there were probably thousands of children all over the world who didn't have parents, why would anyone care about him and Mikasa?

When they first arrived they were immediately separated. He went to the boys campus and Mikasa to the girls campus, and it was one of the most painful things they ever went through.

Besides the church hours where they were not allowed to communicate, they could only see each other on Saturdays for one hour, during visit time. They never had any visitors, so they always used the little time they had to be with each other, talk about how they missed their lives and how in some years they would be able to be free.

When they turned thirteen they started to have the 'God's love hour' where boys and girls from 13 to 18 would interact with the opposite gender in order to find the partner they would marry when they turned of age. The most they could do was hold hands, going further than that before marriage would be considered a sin and an offense to god.

He started to feel weird around that age, when he saw all of his friends finding girlfriends or looking at girls and he just felt different. It wasn't that he didn't find girls beautiful, he just didn't look at them that way. In his opinion, the boys he hanged around with were more interesting, and some of them far more beautiful.

Every single day of his life in that place he was told how he would grow up to find a girl, get married and have children, all under the wings of god. So he considered that was the right path, the only path. Therefore, he never told these feelings to anyone, not even Mikasa, thinking it would just be a phase, that he would get better, that he would heal.

.

.

.

They had just left the three o'clock church and Eren was walking towards the classroom along with Jean and Marco.

"So, are you talking to Stacy again?" Jean smirked at Eren, who was focused on the leaves falling from the trees, so it took him a while until he realized the question was directed to him.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess so." He wore and uninterested expression.

"What do you mean 'you guess so'? She's totally hot, and she's so into you!"

"Jean! If Mr. Lund listens to you, you are so dead." Marco wore a concerned expression.

"Pff, like I care." Jean shrugged and placed his hands on his pockets.

"Well you should! Remember no one can save your ass anymore!" Marco was yelling out of concern.

"I know! Geez… "

They walked in an awkward silence for a while until Jean broke it.

"That reminds me, Marco. Who are you talking to? I haven't seen you talk to any girls so far."

Marco blushed furiously. "I… I've talked to…Uh…"

"Jean, stop being an asshole. At least he still has a chance, if you keep chasing after my sister like that, you're going to end up lonelier than Mother Campos."

Marco let out a huge laugh at Eren's comment and Jean blushed furiously. "Fuck you, Jaeger." They didn't exchange another word until they reached their class room.

It was geometry class, so Eren hated it. He wished he could sleep during classes but if he got caught he would certainly end up with some bruises, so he spent it day dreaming of the day he would be out of that place, and imagining a world where it would be ok to be who he was.

At the end of class he still had half an hour before the God's love shit, so he decided to go sit alone in front of the campus entrance, being able to see the main entrance from over there, just watching the cars go by. As he sat there he noticed the main gates opened and a car got in.

It wasn't the food truck or the religious merchandizing, meaning it could only be a new orphan student. It wasn't an unusual thing, new orphans arriving almost every month, but this one really caught Eren's attention.

As the boy got out of the car you could immediately see the long blond hair covering his face. It wasn't very long, t was only long enough to tickle his chin, and his bangs to gently caress his eyelids. He was small and thin, reaching about 163 cm, and for a moment there Eren could see his face, and oh my, was he beautiful.

He had huge blue eyes, the same color as the ocean and the perkiest and most perfect nose Eren had ever seen. His eyebrows made a curve in a way they made his face look smaller and his eyes bigger and his lips where such a light shade of pink you could barely set them apart from the rest of his skin, which was pale and flawless.

There was something different about him, he wasn't like the other kids. While the others tried to look big, to stand out, this boy was trying to look as small as possible. He held his arms crossed over his chest, his head slightly bowed down, like he was trying to look invisible.

Why would he do that? He's absolutely beautiful he… No. No, stop.

Eren placed his face on his hands and tried to push those thoughts away.

"You're not like this! You're not! Stop it!" He kept repeating this to himself, trying his hardest not to look at the boy who was still walking towards the main door, but for a moment there, his eyes slipped and he got a clean shot of the boys face, and he couldn't look away. Now he had more time to observe, he noticed the redness around his eyes, probably due to crying and the dark bags under his eyes. He only stopped looking when the boy finally got in the building accompanied by the man who was next to him.

When Eren came back to himself, he realized he was blushing hard, and that his heart was beating faster than it should. He then took a look at his watch and panic hit him.

He was already late for the God's love shit, this was so not good. He set of running and arrived there only two minutes late, which still earned him two strong slaps to the face. He was lucky it was mother Campos who was on duty, otherwise it would've been much worst.

During that hour, as usual, boys talked to girls, some couples held hands, some boys sat on the bench and some girls did too, expecting someone to go talk to them. All of this motorized by mother Campos, of course. As soon as Eren arrived, Stacy came running right at him and kept talking to him, but his mind was elsewhere, still thinking of that boy that coasted him two slaps to the face, and still was so worth it.

He just ignored Stacy and waited for the torturing hour to finally end.

"Christa is so into me! I bet that by next week we'll be holding hands." Reiner was dancing in excitement as they left the place.

"Reiner, come on… She's not your type." Berthold was calm as always. He was always one of the guys who just sat in the corner of the room until the hour passed by.

"Are you kidding me? She's beautiful!" Berthold just sighed. There wasn't really much he could do while Reiner was at his pick of happiness.

"Hey Eren, we're going to sneak into the girls campus tonight. Want to come?" Reiner did this at least once a week, and for the first two times Eren went, hoping to see Mikasa, but they would never meet, either they wouldn't go to her dorm, or they were caught before that and were forced to run.

"Nah, you guys go. I'm staying here tonight."He had decided not to go since it was always in vain, and if he got caught he would probably end up with more than a few bruises.

"Ok then, if anyone asks, Connie had diarrhea so we went to the infirmary." Jean said this with the most passive face, making anyone but Connie burst out laughing.

Connie made an extremely angry face. "Hey! Fuck you Jean!" This made everyone laugh even harder.

"Hell no, man. Remember the deal." Eren walked away while waving.

When they left he still had a lot of time until curfew, so he decided to go to the courtyard and just lay there, looking at the sky. As he sat there he kept imagining how good it would be if everyone could just love everyone. He wished he could just go to that blond boy and tell him how he thought he was beautiful, but he couldn't. He couldn't because it was wrong, because it was a sin and because it was disgusting.

He hated he was like this, he hated that he thought this way, he hated that he couldn't be like other guys and just like who he was supposed to.

He only realized he was crying when a voice called him.

"Hey, Eren." Eren removed his wet face from his hands to look up and saw Marco standing there. He immediately cleaned his face. He couldn't be seen crying. They could not see him crying.

"Hey." He simply answered, still cleaning his face frantically.

"Mind if I joined you?"

"Of course not."

Marco sat next to him and hugged his knees to his chest.

Eren cleaned his throat "Shouldn't you be in the girl's campus?"

Marco shrugged. "Meh, I don't see the point in going there."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, until the freckled boy decided to break it. "Are you…ok?"

Eren made a very fake smile. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He laughed nervously and Marco sent him a sweet smile.

"I saw you crying." Eren's smile faded away. "It's ok, I won't tell anyone." None of them said anything for a minute or so.

Marco tightened his grip around his knees. "Do you ever just feel like, you don't belong?"

Eren looked at him with wide eyes, and he realized that the other boy was on the verge of tears. "Yeah… I know the feeling." Eren was hugging his knees to his chest too.

"I tried to belong, I did. I just…. can't change it." He tightened his lips. "I can't really change me, you know."

Eren looked at him for a few seconds, until Marco let out a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry. I'm just blabbering nonsense… "

"I think it'll get better." Eren interrupted him, while gazing forward. He then send Marco a very sweet smile. "We'll get better." Marco smile too and nodded.

After that they kept a pleasant conversation about their plans for the future, and eventually they both got up and went their way.

Eren decided to go to the cafeteria to eat something, and while he was on the way there, he knocked against someone.

"Oh, sorry." Eren was going to keep walking until he noticed the boy he had just shocked against, and his jaw dropped. It was the same boy he had seen earlier arriving, and he was even more beautiful up close.

"Oh… Hi." He could sense himself blushing so he immediately turned his face the other way. "Hi, I'm sorry." The blond boy was making him a confused face. "Hi… hum… hi."

"What the fuck am I doing? I said 'hi' four times in the last 10 seconds." He thought.

"Hi…" The blond boy said shyly. Eren was so embarrassed that he just wanted to run away.

"I'm sorry I knocked you. I…I'm Eren." The blond boy made a suspicious look.

"It's ok. I'm Armin."

Armin. That was a beautiful name.

"I…hum, saw you arriving earlier. You're new here right?"

Armin looked at his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah…" Eren could see the blond boy was uncomfortable talking about this, and then remembered that everyone in there was orphan, and the new arrivals were recent orphans.

"I'm sorry… for… whatever happened to you." Eren cursed himself almost immediately for those words.

"It's ok…"They stood there for a few seconds.

"So, I'm hum… going to the cafeteria. I can buy you something to eat, if you want..." Eren doodle with his fingers, trying to avoid the very confused look Armin was giving him.

"Hm… Ok." Eren smiled and started walking towards the cafeteria, where he picked up two hot chocolates and a toast. He then sat on a table, Armin sitting in front of him.

"So, how old are you, Armin?" The blue eyed teen was looking at his hands which were crossed, on top of his legs.

"I'm turning 15 this year."

Eren smiled at him. "Nice, I'm 15 too. The only bad thing is that you have to go to the Christian loving hour." He rolled his eyes and leaned back on his chair.

"What's that?" Armin looked genuinely interested for the first time.

"Twice a week they bring boys and girls together for one hour, so they can meet their 'soul mate'" The way Eren said that made Armin laugh gently.

"And you don't like that?" Eren realized how careless he was being. He couldn't just say these things to someone he just knew. But somehow he felt like he could trust the blond.

"No, it's not that. I like girls, I just… uh I don't know." Eren started blushing again, making Armin laugh a little more.

"I didn't mean that. I meant if you don't like the idea of meeting your soul mate."

Eren blushed hard and started to laugh nervously. "Ah…. Oh." Armin giggled. And Eren nervously drank his chocolate.

"I don't know. The whole idea sounds a little naïve. And, if it's one person in the entire world, what are the odds of meeting them here? In this place?"

Armin shrugged. "You made some strong arguments. But hey, at least the odds are bigger than zero."

They sat there in comfortable silence for a few seconds until Armin broke it.

"So… Eren, how long have you been here for?"

Eren shrugged and ate a piece of toast.

"I came here with my sister five years ago."

"Wow, you're here for a long time. Must have been hard." Armin drank his chocolate with both hands, making an adorable pose.

"It was at the time. The worst was the fact that they separated us like that. I can only see her once a week now, plus the church hours, but we can't really communicate so it doesn't count."

"Can't you see her during that Christian love thing?"

"At first that was all we did. We spent the entire time together, but then they said that the point was to meet a romantic partner so we're not allowed to talk to each other during that time."

"Wow, that sucks. Sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. We've gotten used to it." Eren ate another piece of toast.

"Look, its ok if you don't want to talk about it, but what about you? Do you have any brothers"

Armin stopped drinking and placed his mug back on the table. "Hum… It's ok." He curled his hands into fists on top of his legs.

"No, I'm an only child. My parents died when I was really young, and I went to live with my grandfather. But, he was old and ended up passing away last week." The blond boy looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Mikasa's parents died when she was little too. She ended up coming to live with me, until my parents…"

"I didn't have any relatives who would take me so…" Armin was swirling the liquid inside the mug.

"So they put you over in this shitty place."

Armin smiled a little. "Yeah I guess so. I'm not even catholic you know."

Eren laughed. "Don't let them hear you. The punishments here are quite heavy."

Armin shrugged, "That's one of the reasons why I'm not a Christian. I don't believe in using force to convince someone of your one believes."

"Don't let them hear that either." They both laughed slightly.

They kept talking for around an hour until the clock hit 20:50 pm.

"Oh, it's almost 21 pm. We need to go to our dorms." Eren said while he got up quickly, Armin did the same and followed him all the way to the boys dorms. His stuff was standing next to the main door and he grabbed it, refusing Eren's insistent offers of help.

"If by 21 pm you're not lined up in front of bed, you'll get some bruises. In the best case scenario." ~

Armin made a shocked face."Are you serious?"

Eren nodded. "Learned that the hard way." Armin looked at him for a while, thinking what kind of place they were at.

"So, how do the beds work?" Heseemed confused looking at the room with at least 30 bunks.

"Oh, there's no real order. For each bunk two students, but since we have more bunks than students a lot of us end up alone in a bunk."

Armin crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, so where do I…" Eren looked at him and smiled gently.

"You can stay in my bunk if you want."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Of course not. Here, hurry or we'll get in trouble."

Eren guided him to his bunk where Armin placed his stuff.

"I usually sleep in the top bunk, but if you want to I can…"

"No, that's ok. I prefer the bottom anyway." Armin interrupted Eren with a smile on his lips.

In the meanwhile, Reiner, Berthold, Jean and Connie arrived in the dorm, running to make sure they would be lined up in front of their bunks in time.

Eren decided to greet them. "Hey, so how did it go?"

Reiner groaned. "It didn't. Ronald was on watch today. We had to hide for two hours and were only able to get out now."

"You can't fuck with Lund…" Connie growled.

Eren laughed. "When are you going to learn…"

"Hey Jaeger, where's Marco?" Eren turned his attention to Jean, who was now looking at Armin. "And who's that?"

Armin felt a little offended by the way that other boy referred to him.

"Well, this is Armin and he's new here. It wouldn't kill you to work on your manners, Jean." Jean made an offended look. "And I was with Marco a while ago, but I don't know where he is now."

Berthold and Reiner, who shared a bunk, went over to greet Armin.

"Hi. I'm Reiner and this is Bert. It's nice to meet you." Reiner extended his hand in front of Armin, who answered by hand shaking it.

"Hi, thanks. Nice to meet you too." He was slightly intimidated by the two boys built. While Berthold was extremely tall, Reiner had a shoulder length that was scary.

"Shit. If Marco doesn't arrive quickly he's gonna get in trouble." Before anyone could agree, Mr. Koehler, which was in charge of the night counting, entered the room. His eyes were as cold as ever, his face revealing no emotion. The second he got in, every single boy in the dorm immediately lined up in front of their bunks, standing as straight as they could. Armin only realized the gesture when they were already in the ,middle of it, being the last one to line up.

"Good evening boys. Is everyone here?" Everybody remained silent. They knew that whatever Mr. Koehler asked, was not supposed to be answered.

He went through every single one of the bunks and looked at every student, matching the faces on his paper list.

When he reached Armin he checked the list again. "You're the new boy. Arlert right?" Armin swallowed hard and kept his straight posture. "Yes, sir."

"Very well. Welcome." He kept checking every student and matching his list until he reached the end.

"Hum… Where's Marco Bodt?" No one said a word. He looked around one more time, his eyes almost glowing with fury.

"Well, late for curfew is he? Wait until the board finds out about this." He started walking outside while mumbling to himself.

"He's going to regret it. Not respecting simple rules, he'll see."

"Hum, Sir..." Every eye, including Koehler's turned to Jean, who had a drop of sweat in his forehead. "I saw Marco going to the infirmary earlier. Perhaps that's why he isn't here yet."

Everyone was wearing a shocked expression. No one, talked to Koehler when he didn't talk to them. No one, it was suicide.

The old man slowly started to walk over there, stopping a few inches away from Jean's face.

"Did I fucking ask you anything, Kirschtein?" Jean swallowed hard. "I just thought you might…"

"Well, listen to me you retarded fuck! You do not think, and you do not talk!" He was screaming loud at this point. "Are we fucking clear?!"

"Yes, sir."

"You do that again and I'll make sure you regret it."

He left the room in a fast pace. As he reached the door he yelled for the last time. "Do your night pray and then lights out, boys!" He then closed it roughly behind him. As soon as he was out everyone looked at Jean.

"Dude, what the hell? What about the deal?!" Connie was wearing a shocked face.

Deal? Armin wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he decided not to make a serious case out of it.

"Shut the hell up, Connie." Jean immediately kneeled before his bed, uniting his palms and closing his eyes. He then started a mumble that was spreading all over the room.

"Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed by Thy name, Thy kingdom come…"

"Seriously now, where the hell is Marco? It's not like him to be late." Reiner was also getting on his knees.

"So, this Marco is in trouble right?" Armin was whispering while putting on his pajama shirt. Eren looked at his naked chest for half a second before a blush crept to his cheeks. Good thing there wasn't much light in the room, otherwise the blond boy sure would have noticed.

"Yeah, I'm worried actually. He always arrives before time. I don't understand why he wouldn't be here yet." Soon everyone was on their knees, and the mumble became uni sound. Armin didn't pray though, he simply closed his eyes and thought alone. Thought about what they would do to this Marco, what kind of punishments they would perform here.

That night, Armin had trouble sleeping. Every time he managed to fall asleep he would wake up 5 minutes later from a nightmare. When the clock hit 00:43 am someone walked through the door. He could not see clearly in the dark, but it was a normal height boy and as he got in he could hear he was crying.

As the boy reached the bunk where Jean was sleeping, he lay on the bottom bed and kept sobbing into his pillow. Armin wasn't sure wither he should go there or not, but he figured he didn't know the boy, and he might get in trouble if he did go there. Then he heard a conversation.

"Marco… what the hell happened? Where were you?" Jean was only whispering from the top bunk. Marco didn't answer and his sobs only intensified. "Marco, are you ok? What's wrong?" Jean uncovered himself and started to go down the bunk stairs. When he reached the floor he sat in the bottom bed, resting his hand on top of the volume under the sheets. As soon as his hand touched the body Marco almost yelled.

"Don't! Please, don't… don't touch me." Jean removed his hand and Marco kept sobbing. "Marco please… talk to me. What's wrong?" After a few more sobs Jean tried to place his hand on Marco again, this time he didn't yell back. "Please, talk to me." Jean's voice was shaken, like the fact of seeing his friend like this was enough to put him on the verge of tears.

"I…I can't…" The sobs kept coming, muffled in the pillow.

Jean stayed right there for a few minutes, and he eventually started to lift the blanket that covered Marco's body. "Ca…Can I?" Marco lifted his head slightly and simply nodded. Jean got under the covers next to Marco and hugged the other boy into his chest. They were so close their bodies could almost be mistaken as one. While Jean's hands surrounded the other boy's body, this one was hugging him through his waist, his face buried in his chest.

"Shhh, it's ok. It's ok, I'm right here." Marco kept sobbing into his chest for around half an hour. For half an hour Jean did not move, nor complained. He just stayed there until Marco eventually fell asleep around 01:21 am. After a while, Jean got up and went back to his bed. Armin could sense in his movements he didn't want to leave, that he wanted to stay there forever, but he couldn't. If by any chance these religious freaks found two boys hugging in the same bed, things would not be good for them, especially considering that Marco was really late for curfew, and he would probably pay the price.

Armin fell asleep a few hours later, finally feeling tired enough to close his eyes and just rest.

The next morning all of them woke up to Koehler's voice. "Good morning, boys! Rise and shine, church starts in 30 minutes."  
The sound of groaning and whining spread all over the room. Armin opened his eyes dizzily as he looked at the clock which marked 06:30 am. He slowly got up and looked at his side, where Eren stood shirtless, holding a black shirt in his hands.

"Morning." The brunet was wearing a gentle smile on his face as put on his shirt. Armin couldn't help but to look at his muscled body for a second, lucky thing he was putting on his shirt, otherwise Eren would have noticed the blush that spread on his cheeks.  
"Hi..."  
Koehler switched from the energetic tone to a threatening one. "I have some business to take care of with Mr. Bodt. Where's he?" Everyone stood silent, and a body got up from under the covers. Everyone was surprised with how terrible the freckled boy looked. His hair was a sweaty mess, his face was pale and he had huge dark bags under his eyes, both from crying and from only sleeping less than 5 hours.  
"I'm here." His voice was not more than a whisper.  
Koehler slowly went over there, wearing an intimidating look.  
"Mother Campos said she saw you arriving almost at 1 am. Is this true?"  
Marco was terrified "I...Yes, sir..."  
He let out a smirk. "Where were you, until that time?"  
The teen felt the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "I...I..." He brought his hands to his face.  
"I'm fucking talking to you, you fucking shit bag! Where the fuck were you?!"  
"I... I was... Nowhere."  
Everyone looked at them in shock, while Koehler started to remove his seatbelt. "Nowhere huh?"

Marco was crying by now, he knew what was coming. Armin recognized that pose. The boy was trying to look as small as he could, trying to look invisible.  
"Well I bet nowhere, is a lot better compared to where you are going now. Everyone, out." The old man started to approach the teen who tried to hide under his arms, with his seatbelt on his hand.  
"It was my fault!" Jean screamed almost without realizing. Everyone looked at him in shock, again.  
"It was all my fault! I forced him to do my homework before curfew! I said that if he didn't I would beat him up!"  
"Jean!" Marco let out a cry.  
"That's where he was, it's my entire fault, sir."  
Everyone stared at Jean with their jaws fallen. They all knew that wasn't true, and they didn't know why all of a sudden he was breaking the deal! He was definitely dead.  
Koehler removed his face from inches apart of Marco's to right in front of Jean's.  
He lifted up his hand and his belt hit Jean right in his torso, making him release screams and whines in pain.  
"Ahhh!" He yelled loud as he fell on the floor holding the damaged area. For the looks of it he might've had a fractured rib.  
"Jean!" Marco was going to run over to him but was surprised by a belt hit right in his left leg. He screamed of pain too and fell on the floor. They both kept squirming in pain.  
"Everyone, out." Koehler pointed at the dorms room, never removing his eyes from the squirming bodies on the floor. No one moved, still shocked at the sight in front of them.  
"Out! Now!" His scream was loud enough to wake everyone up from their shock state and make them walk over to the door.  
Armin didn't move though, still shocked at the scene in front of him. Eren placed his hand on his shoulder.  
"Armin come on, let's go." He tightened his grip on the blond boy's shoulder and started to drag him towards the door. When Eren reached it Koehler spoke calmly from behind. "Close it." Eren hesitated for a few seconds, the thought of leaving two of his friends alone, closed, injured with this man who was going to injure them even more broke his heart, but he knew he had no choice, he could not break the deal. So he did it.

"What the fuck was that?! He can't do that!" Armin was screaming out of rage as soon as they were outside.

All of them were looking at the ground, not daring to look at Armin, which they knew was right, and trying to avoid the noises coming from inside. "Listen to me! We've to go get help! Come on, let's go get help!"

No one moved. "What are you doing?! Come on!"

"Look, we're orphans. No one gives a fuck about what they do to us!" Eren screamed so loud Armin backed away two steps from him.

"That's just bullshit! We have to go in there, we have to help them!" Armin was starting to reach for the door knob.

"Armin, don't! If you go in there it will only be worst, for all of you." Eren could understand the feeling Armin was having. It was the feeling of who wasn't used to this place yet.

"Besides, we have a deal." Reiner said from the back.

"Yeah, but that horse faced asshole can't seem to get it! This shit as caused us enough trouble already!" Eren threw a kick at the wall.

"Deal? What do you mean?" Armin walked over to Reiner.

Reiner sighed as like preparing himself to talk about this. "Five years ago, Berthold and I were late for curfew by like, ten minutes, so when we arrived Koehler took out the seatbelt and… started to punish us." He made a break to breathe, trying to keep himself together. "It was Eren's first year here, so when he saw that, he went over there to defend us and ended up with a broken leg and a concussion. All out of seatbelt hits." Reiner was wearing an angry and regretful face. It was easy to see he still felt horrible for that day.

Armin brought his hands to his mouth. "Holy shit…" He looked at Eren who wore a painful expression, like he still remembered every single moment of pain from that day.

"Ever since that day, we all made a deal. No one puts himself in danger for the others. Besides being useless, it ends up worst for both of them." Connie was looking down at his feet, obviously still hurt by this.

"It's a shitty place, filth with shitty people." Reiner leaned against the wall, making Armin a furious yet scared look.

Sound kept coming out from inside.

"_Marco! Please, stop it!"_ Jean was crying as loud as he could. There were the sounds of more seatbelt hits from inside, and the cries of the two boys.

"Holy shit! It's so simple! But that idiot can't seem to get it!" Eren now punched the wall, releasing all of his anger.

"Look, it happens once in a while. We all have our bruises from this place, and in the next three years we'll probably have a lot more!"

Armin was shocked with all this information. So in this place they hit their students so hard they need serious medical care, and no one cared. How dare they not care? These are children, who are suffering from abuse! What kind of shitty world is this?!

He kept having these thoughts, until Berthold spoke for the first time.

"Guys, if we don't hurry we'll be in trouble ourselves." Everyone looked at him. Shit, it was already 06:56 am and they had church in 4 minutes. No matter how hard it was, they had to go and leave Jean and Marco behind. They all set off in a run into the church, Armin going in a numb state being them, arriving there at the church at 7 am exactly. Mother Campos was already there, ready to do the countdown.

All they could think of was Jean and Marco, what they were going through, how they needed their help.

But they couldn't do anything. They had to respect the deal.

**So, what did you think of the first chapter? I might go on or not, depending on everyone's reaction. I really felt like making a depressing AU, and here it is. It will get worst. Please leave a review telling me what you think about it. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings: Ahhh, basically language. Enjoy!**

"You're just in time. Is everyone here?" Mother Campos squinted her eyes with effort, trying to read what was on the paper she was holding. She had probably forgotten her glasses again. She looked at every boy, lined up in front of her standing straight.

"I understand Mr. Bodt is not going to join us for today. But there's someone else missing." She tried to look at the paper again, approaching and departing her face from it. "Mr. Jean… Kir.. something." She looked at all the boys standing in front of her, as if trying to get an explanation. "Does anyone know is whereabouts?"

Everyone stood silent for a few seconds until Reiner slowly put his arm up, as if asking for permission to talk.

"Mr. Reiner?"

"Jean is also with Mr. Koehler, in… punishment." She made a slightly surprised look and then shrugged.

"Very well then. He must have his reasons. Everyone inside." She started to walk inside the chapel and every boy followed put. On the other side of the chapel, the girls were also going in. Eren started to look frantically for Mikasa among them, until he saw her.

"Mikasa!" He waved like crazy in the air, trying to get her attention, until she looked back and a smile appeared on her face. "Eren!" They both smiled and waved at each other until mother Campos hit Eren in the back of the head.

"Behave mister! We're in the house of god!" Mikasa smiled at him and all the kids sat down. The boys on the right side of the chapel and the girls on the left. Eren made sure he would sit next to Armin.

"Look, that's my sister." He pointed at Mikasa, who looked at him and Armin and smiled a little. She didn't usually smile much, but when she saw Eren she just couldn't help it.

Armin looked at her in surprise and smiled back at her, waving in the air. "Wow, she's beautiful!" Eren smiled widely, like standing as a proud brother.

"I know right? I can introduce you two next Saturday!" Armin made him a weird face. Next Saturday was visit hour, but it was also a God's love hour day, so he wasn't sure if Eren was trying to hook him up with his sister. He was not interested in that, at all.

"On the visit hour, if you want to." That was relieving.

Armin looked at him surprised. For Eren to be available to introduce his sister to him meant he trusted him, even though they only met less than 24 hours ago. "You… You would do that?"

Before Eren could reply, the priest cleaned his throat, signalizing the sermon was about to begin, and the entire church became silent.

"In the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of our hearts, be acceptable in thy sight."

Everyone said in uni sound. "Amen."

When they left the church one hour later, Eren and Mikasa waved at each other again and then each left through each of the chapel's doors.

"I can't wait until Saturday, I miss her so much." You could see the pain in Eren's face.

"You… You really love her don't you?" Armin was sending him a sweet smile, and the tall teen smiled back. "I really do." They both walked silently for a while until they reached the cafeteria.

"Time for breakfast. What do you want?" Armin placed his hand on his chin, thinking for a few seconds."A toast, please." Eren smiled. "Coming right up!"

Armin sat on the same table they sat the day before while Eren waited in the cafeteria line. As he sat there by himself, he felt like he was being watched, and he noticed by the corner of the eye a man watching him. He moved uncomfortably in his chair while trying to look at the man quietly, but the man kept his gaze right on him. As he was trying to feel scared, Eren arrived, and as soon as he notices Armin's scared face, his face became one of confusion and fury.

"What's the matter?"

When Armin looked at the man again he noticed he was gone, and started to feel more relieved. "Nothing, it's nothing. Thank you for the toast!" He started to eat it. At first Eren thought it was suspicious, but decided not to make a big fuss about it.

They talked for a while, while eating their breakfast. They only had classes at 9 am so they still had an hour to spend.

"My parents always said we would visit the ocean someday, but we never really did." They were talking about their happy memories with their families before coming to this place. "They always said we couldn't go because some monster stole the ocean for the year, or that it was so hot all the animals drank it." Armin smiled a little. "I believed it, even though it didn't make sense since animals can't even drink salt water…" He laughed a little. "I think we just didn't have the money to leave the restaurant alone for even a day, that's why we never went on vacations, or barely left the city."

Eren nodded. "My parents believed in staying in one place forever. They didn't really believe in moving cities or leaving for vacations. At least my mother."

"What about your father?" Armin drank a little of the second cup of hot chocolate he had in the last fifty minutes. Eren shrugged.

"My father… I barely knew him. He was never home, and when he was he was always working. I talked to him like ten times in ten years." Eren bowed his head slightly down. "This may sound horrible, but I can barely remember his face." Armin sent him a sweet smile, and gently placed his hand on top of Eren's. "Hey, you're not horrible."Eren looked up and smiled at him too, their eyes locking for a few seconds, none of them wanting to look away. They eventually realized how awkward that was and Armin very quickly moved his hand and eyes away, each of them cleaning their throats.

"Well, it's almost 9 am, we… we should go." Eren stood up and Armin did the same.

"Yeah…"

The walk to their classroom was quiet and awkward, until Reiner and Berthold showed up behind them.

"Eren, Marco and Jean just got out." Eren looked at him with huge eyes. From Reiner's expression something was not right. "Marco got out limping, but Jean…"

"Where's he?"Eren spoke to loud.

"He's in the infirmary. He has two broken ribs and a broken arm. He's unconscious right now."

Armin sent his hands to his mouth and Eren could feel a shiver run down his spine. "Holy shit… This is getting out of hand. Someday he'll kill us…"

Berthold decided to talk. "Guys, we need to start thinking about telling someone…"

Reiner wore a painful look. "Get back to earth Bert! Like anyone would give a fuck…" They all stood silent for a few seconds, not even sure what to say. "Marco is all fucked up man. He was dismissed from classes and church today, and he won't leave Jean's bedside."

Eren bit his lip. "He should get some rest."

Reiner shrugged. "That's what I told him, but he won't listen to me…" Reiner licked his lips. "He kept crying and saying he wouldn't leave. I think he was holding Jean's hand…" Armin wasn't surprised by this after what he saw the other night, and to his surprise, Eren wasn't either.

"Don't tell that to anyone else." Eren said coldly and both Reiner and Berthold nodded, knowing what Eren was talking about. "Right now we need to go to class, then we worry about Marco." They all nodded. In that moment Armin admired Eren deeply.

Besides being able to react in an extremely mature way to that information, he calmed all of his friends and set order. That required extreme strength and courage, something Armin didn't have. Or didn't believe he had.

They all went to their class, and even though Eren tried to disguise it, Armin could see the boiling anger inside of him. He was one tiny thing away from exploding. After that, Eren, Reiner, Berthold and Connie decided to go see Marco and Jean, and out of respect, Armin decided they should go alone, since he barely knew the two boys.

As the four boys reached the place, Eren saw the exact picture Reiner had described. Jean was lying unconscious in bed, and Marco was sitting next to him, holding his hand and sobbing alone. As they got there, Marco looked up.

"I'm not leaving." His voice was broken, yet it was as firm and threatening as any of them ever heard it.

"We know." Eren placed his hand on the freckled boy's shoulder and made a signal to the other three boys. They got it and turned away, leaving the two of them alone. They stayed in silence for a while until Eren broke it.

"Marco, it's not your fault."

The teen burst out in anger. "Shut up, Eren! You don't know what you're talking about!" The boy got up and walked away, tears falling from his eyes.

Eren insisted. "It's not your fault he loves you!"

"You don't know what the fuck love is!" He crashed on the floor. "You don't know what it's like to love someone you're… so not supposed to." Eren kneeled in front of him. "You don't know how it hurts…"

At these words he could only think of Armin. He didn't love him, no, he barely knew him. But still, something made him associate the blond with the word love.

Eren held him in a hug. At first Marco fought and tried to push him away, but eventually gave in and accepted the comfort, sobbing into his friend's shoulder. "I love him…"

"I know."

"So much… So much it hurts."

He kept sobbing into Eren's chest. "And it's so wrong. I'm disgusting… I'm a monster… I hate myself so much."

Eren thought about these words. Ever since they were in that place, they were taught that homosexuality was a sin, a disease. They were taught people like this were monsters, were sick. Part of him believed it. Part of him thought of himself as a disgusting freak. But now, looking at his friend like that, so broken, so frail. Feeling so guilty, over the basic feeling of being in love. Don't we all deserve to feel that? Why is loving someone so wrong?

It's just love.

"You're not a monster. You're just human."

They stayed like that for a few seconds, until Marco pulled away, wiping his tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

Eren smiled "It's ok." Marco got up and sat next to Jean, holding his hand again.

"I'm not leaving until he wakes up. I need to yell at him."

Eren laughed a little in the back. "Ok..."

He walked out and the three teens were patiently waiting in front of the room. Reiner looked at him and at the ground.

"So, is he… not leaving?" Reiner asked this simple question, but there was much more meaning behind it.

"Yeah… He's staying. "

.

.

.

.

Armin decided to go to the library while he was alone. He didn't know anyone else, so he might as well spend some quality time with his books. As he arrived at the table and opened his book, he got that uneasy feeling of being watched again. He searched the room and he saw it again. The same man as yesterday was watching him, and it made him uncomfortable.

"What the hell does he want from me?" He thought quietly. He tried to ignore him but he couldn't. Suddenly, the man started to walk towards him.

He panicked, wanting to hide or to run away, so he did what he did best and made himself small.

The man sat in front of him on the table and he got a close look of his face. He was probably around his 60's, wrinkles and his white hair giving him away. He wasn't what he'd consider an ugly man, with small blue eyes and a strong chin. His whole image was intimidating.

"Hi." He simple said. His voice was strong and intimidating. Armin didn't answer. "What's your name?"

Armin tried to look even smaller, his arms crossed over his chest and his head bowed down. "I…I'm Armin."

The man smirked. "My name is Ronald Lund. I work here." Armin looked up and made a fake smile. He remembered his name being said by Eren and the other guys, something about how you can't fuck with him.

"I like to talk to every of the students privately, especially the most beautiful ones." He smiled at the small boy. "Anyway, I thought we could be friends." He grabbed Armin's cheek with his hand, who flinched at the touch.

Before the man could go any further, Eren showed up in the back. The blond boy was never more relieved to see him.

"Armin!" He was smiling as he entered the library, but as soon as he saw what was happening in the table his expression became one of confusion.

Noticing the other's presence, Lund removed his hand from the teen's cheek, and started to stand up. "Well, I see you have company. Be a good boy and do your prayers. See you soon, Armin." The way he said his name sent a shiver down the blonds' spine. He walked outside, passing right by Eren. As soon as he was out, the older teen was running at the table. "What the hell was that about?" Armin was still scared shitless, staying in shock for a while.

"Armin. Are you ok?" The blond came back to earth to find his friend looking at him with huge concerned eyes. He hadn't really paid much attention, but now that he could see, Eren was truly beautiful.

"Yeah… I'm ok."

"Are you sure? Why the hell were you sitting with Lund?"

"I don't know… How did you find me?"

Eren smiled, as if he was standing proud. "Well, after all that talk the other day I came to realize you really love books, so I thought you might be here."

Armin smiled, and they stood there smiling at each other for a few seconds, until Armin's expression hardened. "How were Jean and Marco?" Eren's expression fell too.

"Jean is still unconscious and Marco…" His fists turned into balls. "He refuses to leave."

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Armin was examining every movement in Eren's face. Every curve and every line. Every tiny detail he could absorb.

"Is there anyone in the world you would do that for?" Eren's voice was broken. Armin looked at him, and the tall teen continued. "Is there anyone you would go to hell for?"

Armin licked his lips. "I… I don't think so." He looked down. Right now Armin didn't love anyone. How horrible was that? "I'm sort of alone in the world." He took a sharp breath. "You?"

Eren looked at him, and smiled softly. "Mikasa. That's the only reason I'd go to hell for." He looked at Armin and his smiled widened. "At least, for now."

"Which means Jean loves Marco as much as you love her."

"Love… it's a fucked up feeling." Armin paid attention to Eren's words. "You have no control over it. It's just there." He looked at the blond boy. "You can't choose who or when."

"No one can know. About…them, right?" Armin chose his words carefully.

Eren nodded. "Ever since we arrive we're taught it's disgusting, it's a disease. I don't know what to think anymore."

"What would they do? If they… found out?"

"I have no idea."

The rest of the day was filth with more classes, a few hours talking in the grass, and at the end of it, another hour in church.

They never saw Jean or Marco again that day, until 8 pm, when they arrived at the dorms, hoping to take a shower. As soon as the two of them entered the room, they saw Marco, searching his drawer for something.

"Hey, how're you feeling?"

Marco looked at Eren and smiled. "Great. Jean woke up a while ago."

Both Eren and Armin smiled back. "That's awesome."

"Yeah…" Marco stood up. "Listen, Eren, about earlier…."

"It's ok."

"I'm sorry I said those things. It's just, not like me, I…."

"Marco, it's ok." He made a sweet smile. "Don't worry about it."

Marco smiled and went back to his drawer. "I was trying to get him something to eat, the food there is awful." He closed the drawer with a punch. "But the cafeteria is closed and I haven't sneaked out food in forever. I have nothing."

"Hmm, I have a few things." Marco looked at Armin with a shocked look. The blond teen continued. "I have a few sandwiches and some milk, if you want to."

Marco sent him a sweet smile. "Are you serious? You don't mind giving me food?" Armin smiled back. "Of course not. Here"

He went to his still unpacked bag and removed a sandwich wrapped in a napkin and a little milk box.

"It's butter, I hope that's ok." Marco took it from his hands and nodded frantically."It's great! Thank you so much!"

He turned to leave the room.

"Marco." The freckled boy looked at Eren. "Don't be late for curfew again."

"Of course not." He smiled and left the room.

That night, as promised, everyone but Jean (who was staying in the infirmary for at least a week) was there for curfew. Since it was a Friday and they wouldn't have school the next day, they were able to keep their lights on until 11 pm, as long as they didn't make much noise.

All the boys were separated into groups. Armin, Eren, Reiner, Berthold, Connie and Marco were all lying in a bunk, talking about the most random things.

"So guess what happened in the library today." Eren was telling this with a playful tone. "I arrived there looking for Armin, and found him sitting with Lund."

As soon as that name was mentioned all of Marco's body tensed up.

"I have no idea what you two were doing there."

Armin smiled awkwardly. Since Eren was taking it in such a playful way, perhaps he should too. He was probably taking this too seriously. He released a laugh. "He just came to me."

Out of a sudden, a tear fell of Marco's eye. His gaze was stuck, like he was in a shock state.

"Marco?! Are you ok?" Out of a sudden Marco got up and ran to the bathroom. Armin decided to follow him, and found him kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up.

"What the…" He went to the boy and placed a hand on his back. He waited until Marco had finished puking.

"Are you ok?" Marco was shaking.

"Stay away from him." He looked at Armin with big teary eyes. "Whatever you do, stay away from him."

Before Armin could answer the rest of them arrived there. "Oy, Marco are you ok?"

He was still shaking. "I'm… ok."

"Maybe you have a concussion too."

"No, I'm ok. I really am." He got up with Armin's help, who guided him to bed. The blond then returned to the bunk, where they were before.

"Well that was weird." They all nodded in agreement.

That night Armin was able to fall asleep with no trouble, but he was sure that seconds before he doze off, he could hear sobs coming from Marco's bed. This time, Jean couldn't do anything about it. He fell asleep thinking what he meant by that, and why exactly, he should stay away.

It was still dark when a voice woke him up.

"Armin, are you awake?" He recognized that voice.

"Eren? Yeah, are you ok?" He looked at the clock next to him marking 4:20 am.

"Yeah, but I can't sleep."

Armin sat up in bed, and as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could see Eren kneeling next to his bed. "Why's that?"

Eren smiled. "Tomorrow I'll see Mikasa again, I'm dying in excitement. I want you to meet her."

Armin yawned. "I'd love to. If you don't mind me bugging you two."

Eren laughed quietly. "You'd never bug me."

They sat there in silence for a while, until Armin was almost falling asleep again. "Do you want to sleep here?"

Eren nodded negatively. "Can't. If we fall asleep we'll be in trouble."

Armin was dying in embarrassment. "Of course he couldn't, and even he could, he obviously wouldn't want to. You're so stupid Armin, you're so, so stupid!" His thoughts were interrupted.

"But we can just sit in the bathroom and talk. Is that ok?"

Armin was dying of tiredness. All he wanted to do was to sleep. But Eren was his friend, and if he wanted to talk or couldn't sleep, than he would keep him company.

He smiled. "Sure." He got out of bed and they both sat in a bathroom cubicle. There they could talk without many worries.

"So, how's your sister like?"

Eren's face immediately lit up. Everyone could see how much he loved her. Every time her name was mentioned his face would glow, his eyes would shine. Armin found himself with a feeling he wasn't expecting. Jealousy.

He talked about his sister for a while then eventually they started talking about their families, their planes for the future, their dreams. They both had a dream in common, to live freely. Away from this place, from this strict and closed system. Away from these people and their education system.

A place where they could do anything, without anyone's permission. A place to be free.

When they looked at the clock again it was 6:25 am, and in five minutes they had to wake up. They went to their bed's and at exactly 6:30 am, Koehler entered the room.

"Rise and shine, boys! Church starts in thirty!" Eren and Armin immediately woke up and went to the showers since last night they weren't really able to take one.

"I'm dying." Armin said to Eren while walking there.

Eren laughed. "Me too."

After church they had nothing to do. Visiting hour only started at 4 pm so they had the whole day to do whatever they wanted to.

"I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but everyone in here is an orphan. Who would visit them?" Eren laughed.

"Most of them are friends from their old lives. I never really had any so…"

"Yeah, me neither."

Eren looked at him. "No way!"

Armin smiled. "What?"

"You're so cool! No way you didn't have any friends."

"Well, the girly looking guy who reads 24/7 isn't exactly the popular type."

Eren stopped walking and looked at him with his mouth opened. "Ok. First of all, you do not look like a girl, not at all. Second, reading books shows you're smart and interesting. I think you're super cool."

Armin blushed a little. "Well, the world disagrees."

"The world is stupid."

This time, the blond blushed hard. "Look who's talking! What about you?"

Eren laughed. "Me? I had a few friends when I was a kid, but the only true friends I ever made were in here."

Armin felt bad. He forgot Eren was here for five years. That was a long time, and the fact he didn't have any friends from the outside world was normal.

"How long are the guys here for?"

"Well, Reiner and Berthold came here when they were like 5. They lived in the same village and one day there was a huge fire. Both their families died, so they put them over here, along with this girl called Annie."

"That's horrible."

"Marco arrived a year before I did, Jean arrived a few months after me, and Connie is here for two years now."

"Wow. Suddenly I feel a like I'm getting in the middle of you guys."

"Don't be stupid. We only let you in because we like you." He smiled at his friend. "Like I said, you're super cool."

During the whole day they wouldn't stop talking. For some reason, they would never run out of subject. Even though they've only met for two days, they felt like they knew each other for a much longer time. They spent the morning just the two of them. They went to the cafeteria to eat, they laid on the grass and talked about space, they slept for hours.

Until by 3:40 pm Eren started to get uneasy.

"Eren, it's ok. We'll be there in time."

"I know it's just… I don't want to miss a single minute."

"We won't. Come on, let's go."

They got up and started to walk towards the main building. Eren couldn't wait to see Mikasa, and Armin couldn't wait to meet her.

**Nha, I like where this is going. So this chapter is more JeanMarco than Eremin but everything comes with time… Also, I do not ship EreMika, not even a little, BUT I think their relationship is extremely beautiful and important, so it's going to be here. I also love the relationship between Armin and Mikasa. All three of them are important to me ok? xP**

**If you have the time please let me know what you think, I appreciate it.**

**Thank you for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so I just want to clear something up. I'm not religious, there for I don't really know much about church and all, so it is possible that I say something really stupid in here, even though I try to make sure that everything I write here is accurate. If so, please correct me politely. Thank you.**

**Warnings: Noooone, just language and all ^^**

**Also, I didn't know you needed to add a disclaimer so, sorry. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or it's characters.**

When they arrived at the main building, most students were there already. Boys on the left, girls on the right. As soon as Eren saw Mikasa, a huge smile showed up in his frame. Armin smiled at her too, and she smiled back.

"Alright students. Visiting hour starts in 5 minutes. As you know, you're allowed to go wherever you want, but you're only allowed to interact in this room." Mother Campos was giving her weekly speech.

"In five minutes, the doors will open to anyone from outside and they'll be here with us, until 5 pm. Remember, if any of you disrespects our rules or the name of our lord, you'll be punished accordingly."

Eren was shaking. It was like he was ready to sprint all the way to his sister.

"Alright. You can open the front door. Behave." With those last words everyone in the room started to run. Eren ran all the way to Mikasa in last than a second and before Armin realized, they were hugging.

"Mikasa!" He was hugging her strongly, afraid to let go.

"Eren."

"I missed you!"

"Me too."

Armin was still standing alone where he was. He didn't want to get in the middle of that moment.

Mikasa held her brother's face in her hands. "Are you ok? Did they hurt you this week?"

He laughed. "No, I'm ok." He looked at Armin still standing alone, looking at them. "Speaking of that, come. There's someone I want you to meet."

"Really? You never introduced me to anyone…"

Eren blushed a little. "I didn't? Well, whatever." He walked to Armin. "Mikasa, this is Armin. Armin this is Mikasa."

Armin smiled at her. "Hi. It's good to meet you. Eren's always talking about you." He wasn't sure what to do with his hands so he just crossed them over his chest.

"Hi. It's good to meet you too. You must be really special for Eren to introduce you to me." Eren and Armin both blushed live red.

"I…Is that so?" He looked at the floor. Mikasa looked at her brother and her expression hardened.

"What happened this week?"Mikasa made her weekly question and Eren tensed up.

"Marco was late for curfew, and Jean decided to save him from Koehler. Marco's ok, but Jean has a broken arm and a few broken ribs."

"Holy shit. What about the deal?"

Eren shrugged. "I think Jean ignored the deal for Marco." He sent Mikasa a look and in a few seconds her eyes widened. "Oh."

"And you?"

She shrugged. "Something similar happened this week. Christa was late for curfew and got two days without food, Ymir decided to steal food for her." She made a disapproval look. "Just a few bruises and a broken rib."

"Shit. This place is dangerous."

Armin was still quiet, arms crossed over his chest. Looking small, looking invisible. Until Mikasa called him.

"So, Armin. Are you as old as Eren?"

The blond boy nodded.

"Eh, then you have to go to the 'God's loving hour'. I hate that shit."

"Me too…" They did the exact same expression and sighed at the same time. It was almost like they were synched. Armin laughed a little.

"I never actually went to those. Are they that bad?"

"The worst, you'll see later today. Speaking of that, Eren, I'm pretty sure Stacy is planning your wedding."

A feeling of pure jealousy and hurt spread through Armin's insides. Eren had a girlfriend? Even if he did, who cared? Why was he so upset?

Eren threw his hands to his face and groaned. "I literally ignored her for an entire hour." Mikasa made an amused smirk. "Well you might want to clear that up."

"You have a girlfriend?" Armin tried to sound as calm as he could, but in reality his heart was hurting.

"God, no! Stacy's just this girl who insists on talking to me." His heart went back to normal. For a moment there he could barely breathe.

Mikasa made a bored face. "She's so lame. The only thing she talks about is make up, and you."

"Well she sounds interesting." Armin's comment made Mikasa laugh a little.

"Well almost every girl here is like that. All girly and stuff, I can barely take it. Just read a book."

"Ah, in this place only if it's a religious book." Armin made a sad face. "I was going to bring my science books but they're not allowed. They said it doesn't respect the bible."He sighed.

"Damn, that sucks. What books did you have?" Armin smiled at her. Did she actually care? It was rare when anyone actually cared for his books.

"I had a lot of books about the universe, nature, evolution and all."

She smiled. "Awesome! Tell me about it." He made a shocked look.

"Yeah, me too!" Eren jumped in the conversation with a smile on his face.

"D…Do you actually care?"

Both brothers nodded. Eren and Mikasa actually cared for what he had to say, they wanted to talk to him, they wanted to listen to him.

Armin smiled shyly. "O…Okay. What do you want to hear about first?"

They spent the rest of that hour talking about the universe, how big it was, how amazing it must be. Ten minutes before the hour ended, Eren and Mikasa had tears formed in their eyes and Armin decided he should leave them both alone for a while.

"So, I have to go to the bathroom." Armin stood up. "It was great meeting you, Mikasa. I can understand why Eren won't shut up about you." Mikasa laughed a little with teary eyes.

"Thank you. I liked meeting you too. I understand why Eren introduced us. I hope we can talk soon." Armin nodded.

"Of course!" He turned back and walked away, leaving the two brothers alone, which they both appreciated deeply.

Mikasa looked at her brother and smiled. "I hate this part." They hugged and Eren sobbed silently at her shoulder.

"It's ok. Just one more week." She was fighting against her own tears as well. Eren got up and nodded, faking a smiled.

"Yeah."

She knew his smile was fake, but she didn't say anything. They just hugged until they were forced to be separated. As soon as Eren was alone again, he left the main hall and found Armin waiting for him outside the door.

"Hey." Armin simply said before he noticed Eren's teary eyes. Eren smiled back and tried to hide the fact that he was on the verge of tears.

When Armin noticed he was about to crash down, he placed his hand on his shoulder."Are you ok?"

Eren smiled. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't. "Yeah, something got into my eye."He wiped his eyes and laughed. "Don't worry about it."

Armin knew he was lying, He was not ok, and he was on about to cry, but decided not to say anything. Eren would talk to him whenever he was ready, he wouldn't pressure him. But it did hurt to see him like that. His heart clenched painfully.

"Ok…" They fell into silence for a few minutes after that, just sitting against the wall, none of them saying anything. But somehow, it wasn't an awkward silence, it was comfortable. They were simply enjoying each other's company, no words needed to be said.

"So, God's love hour is in 10 minutes." Eren smirked at his friend. "Are you ready?"

Armin shrugged. "I'll probably just sit in the bench the whole time. Girls aren't usually very interested in me anyway."

"Well someone needs to work on their self esteem. I bet that isn't true." Eren gazed at the floor.

"I told you. I'm not handsome or attractive. But whatever, I can live with that..."

Eren swallowed hard. "You don't know how wrong you are."

"How'd you know? You're not a girl…."

"But I can recognize beauty when I see it. I thought you were beautiful since the first time I saw you." It just got out of Eren's mouth without him even realizing it. He regretted his words the second they got out of his mouth.

Armin blushed hard. Eren… thought he was beautiful. "Eren…"

Eren got up abruptly. "Whatever man. Come on or we're going to be late, and I was already late this week." Because of Armin actually, but he didn't dare to tell him that. He then started to walk, not daring to look behind in fear the other boy would notice how red his face was.

Armin got up and followed him, hiding his red face, and his silly smile.

As he predicted, he spent most of the time sitting in the bench, looking at Eren and Stacy. God, he hated her. He hated her smile, he hated her hair, her stupid make up. He hated the way she was talking to Eren, the way she was blushing in front of him. Why could she talk to him and blush? Why could she just go there and hold his hand? Why could she do that and he couldn't? Suddenly Mikasa sat in front of him.

"Hey Armin." She smiled at him. "I can't really talk to Eren because we're brothers, but I can talk to you."

Armin smiled back. "Yeah, we can talk." His gaze escaped to Stacy again.

Following his eyes, she noticed where he was looking at. "She's horrible right? I can't stand her." Mikasa made a bored face. "And by Eren's face, he can't really stand her either."

Armin nodded. "Her face kind of annoys me. Is that a horrible thing to say?" Mikasa laughed a little too loudly, calling attention. "I don't think it is."

Mother Campos walked to them. "Very well Mikasa, that's the first time I ever saw you laughing with a boy. Young love is beautiful, as long as it's under our lord's wings." She kissed the rood she was wearing in her neck. "She is very beautiful, don't you think?"

Armin smiled. "Yeah." Mikasa muffled a laugh in her scarf.

"Behave." She started to walk away and Armin laughed. "Well that was awkward. I'm sorry."

"No, It's cool. Let her think that we're in love. That way we can talk during these boring hours." Armin laughed. He liked Mikasa.

After that hour Eren wouldn't stop complaining about Stacy. It made Armin feel relieved. "She wouldn't shut up about her make up! I swear to god I almost died of boredom."

Armin laughed. "Just stop talking to her."

"I can't! Mother Campos decided we were 'the perfect couple' a few months ago." He sighed.

Armin felt his chest clench painfully. Were Eren and Stacy really a perfect couple? She was beautiful, her height was perfect for Eren's height. She had a girl's voice and a girl's body. Every single thing about her suited Eren better than anything about himself. "I guess you do look cute together."

Eren looked at him and shrugged. "I don't care. I don't like her."

"Do… Do you think she's beautiful?" Armin was looking at the floor, too embarrassed to look Eren in the eye.

Eren stared at him for a few seconds, confused by his question. He thought for a few seconds before answering. "I think everyone is beautiful, humans are beautiful creatures."

Damn you and your ambiguous answers. Even though the blond teen wasn't happy with the answer he got, he decided not to insist anymore. Luckily he didn't need to.

"I don't think she's beautiful the same way you are, though."

Armin blushed slightly. Was he saying he thought she was more beautiful? Perhaps he meant he felt attracted to her and not to him. Yes, that was probably it.

Eren smiled."You're lucky you get to be with Mikasa the whole time! She must've really liked you."

Armin smiled. "Thank you, I liked her a lot too."

Eren felt his heart stop. Armin liked Mikasa a lot, what did that mean? Was he interested in her, romantically? He stopped walking and looked at Armin. "What do you mean by 'liked her a lot'?"

Armin made a confused face. "'I liked her a lot' as in 'I liked her very much'."

Eren swallowed loudly. "Are you interested in her?" Eren looked down at the floor trying to hide his face. Why was he feeling so… hurt?

Armin looked serious for a while and then laughed. "What?! No. When I say I like her a lot I mean as a friend, ok?"

Eren felt his heart beating again. "Oh, ok…"

.

.

.

It was a Sunday, and it had been a week and two days since Jean went to the infirmary, and now he was finally getting out. His ribs were pretty much healed, but his arm was still attached to his neck by a piece of cloth. He would still have to wear it that way for a few more weeks. When he got out, all of his friends where waiting at the door of the infirmary where he got out of, walking next to Marco.

As soon as he saw him, Connie yelled. "Oh Oh, don't shoot! He's un-armed!" Everyone including Jean laughed.

"Missed you too, Connie."

"So, how're you doing?" Reiner asked him with a smile on his face.

"I'm good. Hungry as hell though, the food in there in disgusting." He made a sick face. "I only ate what Marco got me every day."

"That's what I'm here for." Marco smiled at him shyly. You could see the happiness in his eyes.

"So, to the cafeteria?" Eren clapped his hands together. "If we go there now, perhaps there's still some cake!"

The cake would always run out as soon as the 7 am church ended, but since it was a Sunday most students went back to bed after the hour ended, so there was usually still some.

"Cake! That's the magic word!"

They all went to the cafeteria and sat down, talking and laughing about the events of this week, even though Marco had told Jean most of it.

"Oh and have you heard?" Reiner placed an arm around Connie's shoulders. "Connie got a girlfriend." He smirked and made a very smooth eyebrow movement.

Connie escaped his arm, blushing live red. "S…Shut up! We're not dating…"

"Yet…" Eren added and they all laughed.

"Very well Connie, I never thought you'd do it." Jean smirked at him. "Who's she?"

The bald teen blushed. "It's uh… Sasha… Braus."

Jean's eyes widened and he released a whistle. "Wow, way to go!"

Sasha was on the guys list of hotties. The number one was Christa, at Reiner's command, the second was Mikasa, even though Eren didn't react very well, then there were Sasha, Mina and Stacy.

"And it also looks like you lost that Mikasa girl to someone else." Jean's eyes locked on Reiner. "No way."

Reiner boldly put an arm around Armin, which responded by whining at the huge weight. "That's right! Arlert whopped your ass!"

Eren's heart sank. Armin had been talking to Mikasa for the last week, and as each day went by, he felt more and more jealous. He just wasn't sure if he was jealous of Armin for being with Mikasa, or if t was the other way around. But he feared it was the second option.

Jean smiled. He didn't really care about dating Mikasa, it was more of a matter of pride. "Well, good for you." He looked at Marco, who smiled at him. "She's all yours." They kept their eyes locked for a few seconds until they felt the mood tensing up.

"Well, thank you but… There's really nothing between us." Armin looked at Eren which wore a painful look. "Nothing at all." He smiled at Eren, who didn't respond.

As each day went by he was more unsure of how he felt towards the boy. He thought he was beautiful and wanted to spend as much time with him as he could. Lately they'd go to the bathroom cubicle every night to talk, and he loved every second of it. What did that mean? It was killing him to see him with that face.

For the rest of the day Eren avoided talking to him. And at night, by the time they would usually go to the bathroom and talk, he pretended to be asleep. Armin wasn't sure why he was mad, but it was killing him not to spend time with the other boy.

.

.

.

Eren had made a decision. He would back away from Armin. His feelings were getting to strong, so strong they were starting to hurt. He knew the other boy didn't feel the same way, and he would just end up getting hurt. So that day he decided, he was going to wean Armin Arlert.

The next day when the blond boy he woke up, Eren barely talked to him at all. They went to church and classes, and as by the end of the day Eren still wouldn't talk to him, he chose a moment when the two of them were alone on the last floor, which was always deserted, to confront him. Only the two of them were there, no one else around.

"Ok, that's enough. Why are you mad?" He blocked the other's passage by placing an arm in front of him.

Eren shrugged. "I'm not mad." He then tried to dodge the other teen who blocked him again.

"You're not mad, my ass. I can tell."

Eren wanted to tell him right there why he was mad. Just tell him he was jealous, and that he didn't like the idea of him having a girlfriend, because it wasn't fair! Tell him that it was just mean of him to date his sister! It was just not fair to see the two people you care more for in the world being happy without you. He wanted to tell him that the idea of him kissing someone else killed him on the inside, that the idea of him holding someone else's hand made his heart stop. "Well, you're wrong." This time he passed the other boy's block and started to walk.

Armin yelled. "Eren, don't…" He swallowed. The other boy was walking away from him, and it was killing him, It was killing both of them, and he had to do something about it. "Please, don't…" His voice wasn't more than a whisper, so he wasn't sure if Eren could hear him.

"Don't!" He screamed loud and Eren stopped walking. "Don't just stop fucking talking to me! It's not fair!" Eren turned around. "What do you want from me?!"

Armin felt himself start to tear up. "I don't know! I don't know ok?!" The volume and anger in his voice was so loud it even scared him.

Eren yelled back. "You know what's not fair?!" Was he going to do this? "I'll tell you what's not fair!" Armin flinched at the other's scream. "You have no right to just…" No, he couldn't say it. "You have no right to make my chest hurt!" The words escaped his mouth, and he felt relieved. He decided to go on. "The idea of you kissing someone else kills me, the idea of someone touching you makes my heart stop! Simply the thought of you loving someone else hurts so much I want to cry." He felt a tear on the corner of his eyes "Why?! Who gave you the right to make me feel like this?! It's so wrong!" His eyes started to tear up. "And I feel like shit. Just pure shit!"

Armin looked at him with his jaw open, in shock. What was Eren saying…? W…Was he saying that… No, no way. B…But that's what he said. "E…Eren."

Eren cleaned his wet cheeks, and made a sarcastic smile. "Ok, you can just hate me now."

"I… I'd never…" Armin couldn't even manage to work up a sentence.

"Just call me disgusting and a monster! Just do it! It's not like I don't hear it every day when I go to church!"

"Eren, that's not…"

"Homosexuality is a sin! The day we embrace it is the day we get an entrance to hell!" He was yelling like crazy.

"That's not…"

"May God have mercy on our sick brothers, and make them realize how wrong they are."

"Eren… please…" His voice was nothing but a whisper.

"Well, I tried! But I'm just too 'sick' ok?!" Tears kept falling from his face. "There's no cure for me anymore."

Eren's speech was interrupted. Not by Armin's words, but by his lips. Eren made a shocked look and his eyes widened when he saw Armin's face right in front of his, their lips touching so lightly. He wanted to hold the other boy close to him, to kiss him back, but instead he backed off.

"Don't joke with me Armin!" He was terrified. Was Armin mocking him? Was he making fun of him? Was he going to tell everyone else that him, Eren Jaeger, kissed a boy?

"I'm not joking!" Armin wanted to just tell him how he felt the same, but how do you even say something like that? "Listen to yourself!"

Eren looked at Armin, not talking, kind of scared by the other's hostility.

"Do you consider Marco a monster?!"

Eren frowned at the other's words. "I… I…"

"Do you consider Jean a monster?! Two of your best friends?!" As he yelled he approached the other boy. "Do you?!"

"I don't… They're just humans."

Armin sent him a sweet smile. "What does that make you?"

Eren started to cry again. "I don't know what I am."

The blond boy went to him and hugged him by his waist. "You're Eren. You're fifteen years old, and you like boys."

Eren hesitated and held him back.

"I'm Armin. I'm fourteen years old, and I like you."

They hugged silently for a few seconds until Eren spoke. "Armin." The blond boy nodded, signing he was listening. "I'll go to hell for you."

Armin smiled. "We're going to hell together."

**\(*-*)/ There ya go, some Eremin for all of you. I know the scene is violent and all, but I think it's really important to show how Eren is battling with all of his feelings and emotions.**

**Thank to all of you who have given me support, you're the ones who make me want to keep writing ^^ **

**If you have the time please leave a review telling me what you think, thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait guys ^^ Enjoy!  
Warnings: Language and slight pedophilia (I don't know if that's right).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or its characters.**

_"M…Marco…?" Everything was foggy, and his eyelids were so heavy he could barely open them. The last thing he remembered was an unbearable pain in his arm and his torso, and looking to his right and seeing Marco crying._

_"Jean! You're awake!" The freckled teen next to him approached him and held hi s hand._

_It felt nice, it felt reassuring._

_"W…Where am I?" The teen tried to move but a pain shiver ran through his entire body. "Ugh…"_

_"Don't try to move, just lay there."_

_When he was finally able to properly opening his eyes, he looked at his friend's face and noticed the huge bags under his eyes, and the red color these were. "What happened?"_

_Marco smiled in pain. "Koehler…"_

_Jean brought his good hand to his face. "Shit. I remember." He took a sharp breath and then almost jumped. "Are you ok?! Did he hurt you?!" He tried to sit up and ended up with even a bigger sense of pain._

_"Don't try to stand up!" He helped him laying again. "I'm ok, my leg is just bruised, that's all."_

_The teen who was laying in bed sighed and smiled. "Good. What about me? My arm hurts like hell and i can't move…"_

_Marco's expression hardened. "Your left arm is broken and some of your ribs as well.…"_

_"Shit…" Jean sighed._

_"Why did you do that?! We all had a deal you know?!" Marco's expression was rough, even though he was on the verge of tears._

_"Marco… Just not now…"_

_"Yes now! What were you thinking?!" Marco was yelling loud._

_Jean tried to turn to the other side, turning his back to the other teen, but as soon as he tried to move his torso hurt. "Shit!"_

_"Dammit, Jean! Don't move!"_

_"Shut up! Stop yelling at me!" Jean's scream was so loud it made Marco frown in surprise. After a few seconds wearing a hurt face he got up in anger and left the room._

_"Marco…" Jean tried to call him but the other teen slammed the door._

_"Shit… way to go Jean…" He talked to himself and brought his hand to his face. Damn, everything hurt and was numb at the same time._

_Just when regret for yelling at the other boy started to eat him on the inside, Marco came back, holding something wrapped in paper and a milk box._

_He approached him and placed the wrapped thing on the table. He then removed the straw from the box and pierced the box._

_"You should eat something. You haven't ate all day."_

_Jean looked at him with wide eyes. After all this, Marco was still right there by his side. "M…Marco."_

_The other teen approach the milk box to his face. "You can yell at me all you want, I'm not leaving your side. Never."_

_Jean was still staring at him. Marco… was always going to be here, doesn't matter what. And… he loved him. He loved Marco, that's why he did all this, that's why he endured this pain. And with this, he knew Marco felt the same._

_They didn't exchange any words, they didn't have too. There are many ways to say 'I love you', all you have to do is listen. And he listened that loud and clear._

_He only realized he was crying when he noticed the worried face the other teen held._

_"Jean… what's the matter?"_

_Jean smiled and wiped his tears with his good hand. "Nothing. You're right, I am hungry."_

_Marco smiled too. "Arlert gave me this, he's really nice you know…"  
_.

.

.

Armin had laid on his bed around 30  
minutes ago, but he didn't allow himself to fall asleep. Just 30 more minutes, he had to stay awake during 30 more minutes. An hour was around the time it took for them to be sure that everyone was asleep, or at least make the chances of anyone being awake lower.  
He decided to take his head off time by thinking. He thought about Eren, about his beautiful green eyes, that would pierce right through his skin.

No, thinking about Eren only made him more anxious, he should think about something else. So he thought about the stars, how stars were beautiful, how they would bring light during the night. They were beautiful indeed, almost as beautiful as Eren's smile. His smile would also bring light to all darkness, and…

His mind just wandered off to Eren again. He just couldn't help it. He sighed and looked at the clock in front of him.

21:33

Ah, he sighed again. He was almost sure everyone in there was asleep, so he just wanted to get up and call him. But it was risky. It was too risky, so he just went back to his thoughts and tried to take Eren off his mind for just half an hour.  
He failed.

It seemed like hours, but at last it was 22:00. He got up, and just when he was going to climb up the stairs to call Eren, a face shows up.

"Ah!" He released a loud squeak and then placed his hand on his mouth.

"Eren, you scared the shit out of me!" He was only whispering, they couldn't make any noise, even though it was a little too late for that.

The older teen laughed quietly and whispered."Sorry."

They both got out the bunk and walked to the bathroom, very quietly, walking as slowly as possible trying to not wake anyone up. As soon as they arrived, they entered the bathroom cubicle were they usually spent time at and closed the door.

The second the door was closed, Eren's lips crashed into Armin's. He grabbed his hips as he very lightly pushed his lips against his boyfriend's.

Armin started to laugh into the kiss. "Hi." Eren laughed too. "Hi."

They broke the kiss while smiling, and Eren grabbed the blond boy's face with both his hands. "I missed you."  
Armin laughed. "We spent the whole day together."

The tall teen nodded. "No, not the fake Armin. This Armin." the blond boy blushed. "I missed you too."

This time Armin started the kiss. Very slowly, lightly, just the two of them holding each other, so close.

They broke the kiss and sat on the ground. Eren was leaning against the bathroom wall and Armin sat between his legs. If there was something the green eyed teen loved, was his boyfriend's hair. He could play with it for hours without getting tired. During that time there was no world, there was no Koehler and no Lund, there were no rules. It was just them, and the world was perfect.

Armin was playing with his shirt."We need to sleep, you know. Lately we've been sleeping like 6 hours a day."

Eren giggled. "Ah, who needs sleep anyway..."  
Armin made a sarcastic tone. "I don't know… humans?"

"That's a bummer…" They both laughed.

A few seconds of silence followed until Eren said something. "I'm telling Mikasa on Saturday." Armin turned to him and smiled. "You are? How do you think she'll react?"

The teen made a nervous smile. You could see he wasn't sure himself, and part of him was still scared. "I'm not sure, I mean… I'm scared she was brainwashed, the same way I was…"

Armin turned on his spot, still sitting between his boyfriend's legs but now facing him. "Eren, she's your sister. She'll love you, no matter what."

The older boy smiled nervously. "Yeah, but… What if she doesn't?"

Armin pecked his lips and smiled to him. "She will."

They stayed there sitting, playing with each other's hair and talking about meaningless things. When they realized it had been a while, Eren got out to look at the time.

"It's already eleven…" His face was sad.

"Damn it… We need to sleep." Armin's expression was also broken.

"Sleep with me?" Eren's eyes were watery and his voice was not more than a whisper.

Armin nodded negatively. "You know we can't…"

"Yeah…"

Eren sat back down and they hugged for a while, Eren's hands around the other's waist, and Armin's around his neck.  
"When we get out of here, I'll sleep with you every night."

Eren, whose face was buried in the other's shoulder nodded. "And I'll kiss you, anywhere."

Armin giggled. "You can kiss me now."

"Is that a request?" They held hands and Armin laughed into his neck. "Maybe…"

Eren removed his face from the other's shoulder and kissed him on the nose."I'm tired you know…" They rested their foreheads together, eyes closed, feeling each other's breaths on their faces.

"Of what?"

"Hiding, being unhappy… I can't be with Mikasa, I can't be with you…"

"I'm here now. I'm always here…"

"We could run away…" Eren rested his face on the other's neck again.

Armin laughed. "We could try…"

Eren lifted his face with a smile on his face. "You'd distract them with your smile while I kicked their asses."

This time the blond boy laughed louder. "With my smile?"

Eren nodded. "Right there." He placed each of his fingers in the sides of his mouth, making the other teen smile wider. "That smile right there."

Armin shook his head and blushed deeply. "I highly doubt that would distract them."

"It'd work with me."

Armin blushed and held his hands. "Alright then. Who would we bring?"

"The guys obviously. And Mikasa, we had to go get Mikasa."

They ended up staying there for half an hour talking about their hypothetical escape. It felt good to escape reality, even though they knew that would never happen, they were still allowed to dream.  
They finally said good night when they couldn't delay going to sleep anymore, and went to bed. Eren only fell asleep an hour later.

On the next day it was a regular Wednesday, so Armin had a few classes away from Eren.  
"Alright then. See you at lunch." They waved at each other, even though you could see in their eyes that they wanted to do more.

Armin turned around the corner. There were still 20 minutes until his class, so he was just going to sit in front of the classroom reading. He sat there and pulled out his book, reading the first few lines.

He couldn't read much though, as soon as he was going to turn the page, a familiar voice called him.

"Armin."

His body tensed up and his heart raced up. Lund.

"I haven't seen you lately. I missed your pretty face."

The teen shivered and dropped his book. Lund sat next to him and all of his muscles tensed up.

"Now, now. Don't need to be nervous."

"I…I have classes." His voice wasn't more than a whisper.

The man placed his hand on the teen's thigh. "That's right. You need to be a good boy and go to classes. Also, do your prayers." His hand lightly passed through the teen's crotch, and then he got up. "I'll you soon, Armin."

As soon as the man turned the corner he sighed and brought his hands to his face, still shaking. This had happened a lot lately. He had decided not to tell anyone since the first time everyone took it as a joke, but after Marco's reaction and what had been happening later, he decided he might want to think about that again. Marco said to stay away from him, but at the time he didn't know why. Was it because he would also do this... to him?

He hated it, when he touched him. It felt disgusting, it felt wrong. But somehow, he didn't run away. He would just block out of fear, and he wouldn't move. God, he hated himself. He was so weak and stupid, he couldn't even defend himself, or stand up. He was ridiculous.

He decided to take Marco's advice and stay away from him, but it was like whenever no one else was around, he would always show up. For a few days he didn't, and now he was running through the school hallways, as fast as he could, trying to be with his friends instead of being alone, because being alone meant being vulnerable, and he would always show up at those times. But as fast as he run, he would always run into him. As he made a curve, he knocked against the man.

"Armin. Are you alright?" He wore a fake worry face. "Let me help you with that." He kneeled down to help the teen catch his fallen books, and at the first chance he got, he held his hand. "Your hands are so smooth." He rubbed his palm with his thumb. "And quite beautiful."

The teen stood up with a jump. "Leave me alone…"

The man laughed. "Armin. That's no way to talk to grownups."

"I'll report you!"

This time the man's laugh was much louder. "You'll report me!? Good luck with that."

The blond boy was boiling in anger and shame, so he just started to run away.

"Oh, and I also wouldn't tell anyone." He kept running. "You don't want to lose your little boyfriend." This time he stopped. He stopped running and his heart stopped beating. "That's right, you're a little faggot aren't you?" He laughed loudly. "You better be a good boy Armin, otherwise things may go wrong to that Jaeger boy."

He swallowed and tried to find his voice. "I don't know what you're talking about." The other man barely heard his words, and laughed.

"Of course you don't." He looked in fear at the man's face, and he just kept running and only stopped when he bumped against someone, and fell with his butt right on the floor. It was the second time in 5 minutes.

"Hey! Watch where you're… Armin?". The boy looked up and saw Jean, standing there alone with his arm tied to his neck. "Are you ok?"

The other boy extended him a hand, his good hand. But instead of grabbing it, the blond boy just hugged his knees and started to cry. "Oy, Armin. What's the matter?"

He didn't answer. Lund knew. Someone knew and know he was going to blackmail him. How did he knew?! They were so careful, they were so quiet.

Jean kneeled in front of him. "Ok, just... Just get up, don't cry here." Armin looked at him and he smiled. "I know a place."

He followed the teen quietly and they ended up behind the school, in an empty place, no people, no noise, no objects. Just grass.

"This is where I come to when I'm feeling down."

"It's nice." He said, wiping his face.

"So, what happened?"

Armin shook his head. "It's nothing. I'm sorry to…"

"Cut the crap. Come on, I may be a douche, but I'm a good listener." He took a while to sit on the floor, careful not to hurt his arm. "Is it Eren?"

The blond boy shot him a glare.

"It's alright. I just happen to have a very light sleep. I don't have nothing to do with it." Jean laughed. "I know you have a light sleep too. The night when Marco was late, you were awake weren't you?"

Armin sent him a confused look. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"You happen to snore a lot when you sleep you know…" Jean laughed and Armin blushed.

"I…I do not!"

"Well the point is, why were you crying?"

He sat in front of Jean, and started fidgeting, tears on the corners of his eyes. "It's hum… I mean, I thought we were discreet… No one was supposed to know…" He breathed. "But this guy… He knows and… he says that, if I don't do what he tells me he'll…" A tear fell of his eye. "Get rid of Eren…"

Jean's face hardened. "Get rid of…?"

He cried more and brought his hands to his face. "And I don't know what he means... I... I can't lose Eren! I have no one else!"

"Calm down... You're not going to lose him."

"And he... he said if I wasn't a good boy or... if I told anyone..." He kept sobbing while talking.

"Wait, who's 'he'?"

"I can't say... he'll hurt him! He'll..."

Jean placed a hand in the other boy's shoulder. "Armin. You can tell me."

He breathed for a while before answering. "Lund..."

The older teen made a confused face. "Lund? Ronald Lund?!"

Armin nodded. "At first he just talked to me, but now he…" He sobbed. "He knows when I'm alone, and he does things… I don't want him to do…"

The tall teen got up in a jump. "Wow, Armin. What kind of things?"

The other boy kept sobbing. "He touches me. He never does it for too long because there are always people around, but he does… And… I just... I just panicked and told him I'd report him, and he laughed at me and said he… he'd hurt Eren." He brought his hands to his face and kept crying. "He also said if I don't do what he wants…"

"Ok there, calm down."

He sobbed a few times until he eventually spoke. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Shit..." Jean sat in front of him again.  
"I don't know. No one else knows right?"

"No, and they can't know! Please you can't tell anyone!" Armin's screams were desperate.

"I'm a guy of word, don't worry." He smirked. "Eren may be an asshole, but that doesn't mean I want him in trouble." He placed a hand in Armin's shoulder. "You can trust me."

The blond boy smiled to him and without a second thought, he hugged him. "Thank you."

The brunet stood there in shock, until he patted the other's shoulder. "You got it. Now we need to find a way to get you out of this shit."  
They broke apart. "I just... have to do what he says."

"We don't know what that can be..."

"It doesn't matter... I'll do it. For Eren." He took a sharp breath.

The older teen allowed himself to fa7ll on the floor. "So you get it, right? What I did for Marco?"

Armin looked at him. "At first I didn't, and even now it looks illogical you know..." He gazed at the clouds. "To take damage for someone else. But..." He laid next to other boy. "I love him. And you love Marco."

Jean blushed deeply. "I just... care for him."

They stood silent for a few seconds until Jean spoke. "Armin, do you know why, Marco was late?"

The blond teen nodded negatively with a confused expression. Why would Marco tell him? "No, I figured he told you."

Jean made a hurtful expression. "He didn't, and he won't. I don't know why."

Marco wouldn't tell Jean? That didn't make any sense, for what he'd seen they seemed as close as possible. Maybe he wouldn't tell him because he was trying to protect him.

But... protect him of what?

"He was crying so much. And shaking. I tried  
to calm him down, but I..." Jean paused. "I'm weak. I'm not strong or brave like him. He can keep it all to himself, just... he thinks he's made of iron." His eyes turned watery. "But he's not, he's human and he can break. And I just don't want him to break because I wasn't there or... because he was alone in this shit."

Armin smiled. "He's not alone. You're right there."

"I try to be, I really do... But he won't let me in. And it pisses me off that whenever I need it, he's right there!" He punched the ground. "But when he needs it, I can never be there, I can never say the right words, I can never protect him."

"You were there that night, Jean."

The older teen laughed nervously. "It's not enough. He deserves better."

They stood silent for a while, neither of them knowing what to say. It wasn't that they ran out of subject, but the subject they were on right now was too delicate to talk about.

"I don't know you for long, but I like you Arlert." He extended his hand. "Let's be friends, hm?" Armin smiled and shook his hand. "Sure."

"If that Lund guy talks to you again, you tell me. You're not alone in this."

Armin, who had already stopped crying, smiled. "Thank you, Jean."

**I know this is a shorter chapter but I went on vacations and really didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer so here it is. This is a little JeanArmin for all of you (I don't know if it's still JeanArmin week or not but anyway). I really treasure their friendship.**

**As always thanks to everyone who has been supporting me ^^ And leave a review if you have the time, I appreciate it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heey ^^ So, quick message. Lately a few catholic people have been talking to me and first of all, thank you very much for supporting me :3 It means a lot to me that you understand that I am NOT attacking religion in general, and I know that not all religious schools are like that, I mean, I have some catholic friends, and my entire family is catholic and they're all super nice, and as it was said, their concepts are indeed love and forgiveness. But this story is based on the dark side of religion, that as we all know exists. Actually, I think there is a dark side of everything. Of course it doesn't exist as much as it did 600 years ago, but it's here. I do not intend to offend anyone at all, but I remember once going to church with my grandmother and hearing the homosexuality speech. In the end, I am super grateful and happy that there are actually religious people reading this, and accepting my idea, understanding that I am not generalizing religion or it's faith. Thank you.**

**Well, that wasn't quick at all. Sorry about that, go on.**

**Warnings: Language and that's pretty much it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or its characters.**

"Shit. I can't do this, she's going to hate me." The teen was sweating while sitting against a wall.

"Eren! She would never hate you, she loves you." Armin reached for his boyfriend's hand. "How could she not?"

They were in an empty hallway, waiting patiently for the visiting hour that would now start in 15 minutes.

He smiled nervously to the blond boy. "Armin, I wouldn't stand to lose Mikasa. I can't tell her..."

"You're not going to lose her. Honestly Eren, what kind of person do you think she is?"

"I know her better than you, Armin! And honestly I wouldn't judge her if she thought I was disgusting!"

Armin stared at him for a few seconds. He loved Eren, but this hurt. It hurt to hear him say things like he was disgusting. He knew it was hard for him to accept it after all these years of brainwash, but still, it hurt him so bad.

"You know what Eren?" He released his hand and stood up. "No one forced you to be with me. If I'm that disgusting, if you're that embarrassed of me..." He clenched his fists. "I'm tired of this." He started to walk away with a tear in the corner of his eye, when he was pulled back by his hips.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Eren hugged him by his back. "I'm sorry, you're not disgusting, you're beautiful. You're way too beautiful for me. Please don't leave me. Please." He buried his face in the other's neck.

Armin felt a tear on his cheek. "If you don't want to be with me, just..." Before he could end his sentence he felt something crash against his lips. For a second he forgot they were in a school hallway and gave in to the kiss. It was such a beautiful, Innocent kiss. It meant nothing but 'I'm sorry', it was just a way to show how Eren cared. He could feel the pain slowly vanishing, being replaced by caring. Then reality hit him, and he quickly pulled away. "Eren..."

"I love you." They both looked at each other in silence, before Eren continued. "And I don't know what was going through my mind because... You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and being with you is the only thing in the world that makes me happy. I wouldn't stand to not be with you. Please don't walk away..." Eren said a speech that came out so perfectly said , it sounded like he had been training it for days. "I'm just...scared. I'm sorry." Armin smiled and hugged him.

"I love you too." He buried his face his the other's shoulder. "It's ok." They stayed like that for a while.

"I love Mikasa, and she loves me. I'm sure she'll understand." He took a deep breath. "And if she doesn't, I have you."

Armin kissed his neck. "I'm always here."

They were like this when they heard footsteps and voices from across the hallway, and they immediately broke apart. Two guys walked by and greeted them with a smile. As soon as they had walked through, Armin let out a relieved sound. "It's not safe here."

Eren sighed annoyed. "It's not safe anywhere..." he kicked the wall. "Fuck this place. I want to kiss you, now."

Armin held his hand. "It's ok." He stared at him with such a gentle smile and eyes, the other boys' anger immediately flew away.

"Will you hold my hand? While I tell her...?" Eren's voice was weak, and so low Armin barely heard him.

"What if mother Campos sees..?" They stayed there silent for a moment. "We can't be seen... I don't know what they'd do..."

Eren released his hand. "Yeah..." He started to walk towards the main room.

He quickly missed the lack of warmth in his hand. "Eren..." He hesitated for a while and ran to him. When he reached him he grabbed his hand. "Of course I'll hold your hand. We just need to be careful." Eren sent him a gentle smile. "Thank you."

They held hands for another second, then they broke apart and entered the main room, where they heard Mother Campos speech. As soon as she ended, Eren and Mikasa clashed together as usual, and then Mikasa and Armin shared a smaller hug.

"Did they hurt you?!" She held Eren's face in her hands. He smiled and nodded negatively. "No, I'm ok."

She stared right at his eyes. She knew him for so long that she could read him like a book. It was clear in his eyes he was anxious, or nervous. "What happened?"

"Well, I... have to tell you something." He looked at his feet and his hand searched for Armin's. He grabbed it for a fraction of second before anyone could notice.

"Of course." She simply said, and then followed her brother and Armin into the corner of the room, where they didn't call attention.

They sat down, Mikasa sitting against the wall and the two teens sat in front of her. From the rest of the room, you could only see the two boy's backs.

"What is it?" Her eyes were cold and full of worry. She looked at Armin, searching for some answers, but this was between Eren and her, he was only there to hold his boyfriend's hand. He bowed his head down, waiting for Eren to start.

"I... I think I've known for a while now..." His breaths were short and loud. "But I never... admitted it. Not even to myself, because..." His eyes became watery. "I thought it was wrong and... sometimes I still do... but..." He grabbed Armin's hand, now clearly in front of her. "When I'm with Armin I feel...happy..." He looked at her. "And... I haven't felt happy for so long..." A tear rolled down his face. "And if I'm happy, and I'm not... I'm not hurting anyone.." He bowed his head down. "I don't know why it's so wrong to just... like someone." He looked her straight in the eye. "Mikasa. This is me, and I..." his voice weakened. "I love Armin." He gripped his hand stronger. "Please don't hate me. I wouldn't bare to lose you. Please." He then crashed into sobs, and Mikasa looked at Armin with a confused look, a look Armin couldn't decipher.

After a while of staring at them, she hugged Eren, and laughed softly. "Eren, I'd never hate you."

Eren's heart filth with relieve and he hugged her back, sobbing into her shoulder. "I was so scared..." She pulled away and looked at his face. "I don't care about who you love, I just want you to be happy." She then looked at Armin and smiled. "And if Armin makes you happy, I'm glad."

Armin smiled at her. "Thank you."

"Honestly, I already suspected." They both looked at her in shock. "Your eyes did this thing when you saw Armin." She smiled. "And Armin wouldn't stop looking at you, during God's love hour." They both blushed deeply. "I'm happy for you. Just please don't forget about me, ok?"

They both laughed. "We couldn't even if we wanted to."

They spent the rest of the hour talking about the week, (they didn't mention that they would go to the bathroom in the middle of the night to make out), and Mikasa talked about how boring the girls were, but how she made a few friends. After all this, Armin as usual, left earlier, leaving the two brothers alone for a few minutes.

"Eren, are you happy?" Her brother made a serious face. "Not really. I can't be with you, and I can't be with him." They fell into silence. "But..." he made a silly smile. "When we kiss, or when we hold hands, or just when we're together..." His smile widened. "The world is perfect."

She smiled at him. "I'm truly happy for you. But, you need to be careful." Her expression stiffened. "If they find out..."

"We know." He interrupted her with a painful expression. "We know and we need to live with that. We need to hide to be together, we need to sneak out to hug, we..." noticing the tears forming in her brother's eyes, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It's ok. Just... please, be careful." He nodded.

They eventually had to separate, something that would usually make Eren be depressed the rest of the day, but not that day. As soon as Eren was out of the room, he was greeted by Armin's smile. "Bathroom."

Eren simply nodded, and they went silently. The dorm was empty since it was a Saturday afternoon, and so was the bathroom. This time, they didn't even wait to enter the cubicle to clash together in a messy, happy kiss.

"She's ok with it." Eren smiled into the kiss. Armin nodded. "I told you." They kept kissing against a wall, Armin crushed between the wall and Eren, whose hands were on his hips and was now kissing him sloppily.

"I love you."

After the first time he said it, it became easy for him to tell the blond boy how he felt. Now these words felt so obvious.

Armin giggled against his mouth and locked his arms behind the other's neck. "Me too."

They locked their lips together again, and Eren lifted him up in the air. "Eren! Ah, put me down!" They were both laughing, and while lifting the other boy in the air, he placed his face on the other's chest. "I'm so happy..." He put him back on the ground. "I'm so happy to be with you..." Armin blushed and kissed him.

.  
.

"So there I was, all ready to grab her hand and shit, when she tells me *this*:" Reiner changed his voice to a very girly one. "I'm sorry Reiner, but I think I like someone else." Every guy at the table laughed. "And I couldn't even talk, because we've been together during that hour for like a year! But then she went on:" He made the girly voice again. "It's a very complicated situation, but I can't be with you." His voice brought out laughs again. "So I was like, 'Alright, tell me who's the bastard'. And then she made this adorable little face and said: 'It's complicated.'" He made an unamused face. "A year of investment just flushed down the toilet..."

Everyone laughed. "It's ok, Reiner, Christa's too pretty for you anyways." Jean teased him from across the dinning table. "And there are many girls around the world, I mean, not many Christa's, but girls..."

"Hey, if you think I won't beat your ass because of that arm, you're wrong." He smirked and everyone at the table laughed. "Speaking of girls. Connie boy!" He placed his arm around the other's neck. "How's everything going with your lady?"

The teen blushed. "Ok... I guess..."

"I saw you two holding hands today... Tell me the truth..." Reiner approached his mouth to the other's ear, but everyone could still hear what he was saying. "Does she have a nice rack?"

Connie stood up with a pissed face. "Geez Reiner! Everything with you is about boobs and superficial shit!" He grabbed his tray. "Have you thought for like one second, that there may be more than that in a girl? That I may _actually_ like Sasha?!" He walked away and the entire table fell into silence. Reiner leaned back on his chair. "Well, someone's sensitive."

"No one told you to be an ass." Jean finished his food and stood up too, grabbing his tray with only one hand. "I'm going too, this conversation lost all interest." As he started to walk away, Marco smiled and stood up with his tray as well. "I gotta go. See you later guys." He followed, and even though they couldn't hear it from where they were sitting, they could see that he was scolding Jean.

Armin and Eren shared an uncomfortable look, and stood up as well. "Well guys, we'll...hum...see you soon..."

Armin smiled. "Bye Bertl, Reiner." The other two waved and ended up sitting alone in the table.

As soon as they were alone, Berthold's voice started being heard. "You are so insensitive!"

Reiner made an angry voice. "I'm sorry! I didn't know he'd be pissed..."

As Eren and Armin walked away from the canteen, they could hear Marco and Jean from across the hall. "I can tie my own shoes, ok?!"

"Why are you like this?! I'm trying to help!" Marco's voice was angry.

"I don't need your help, and apparently you don't need mine either!" Jean screamed with his voice shaking.

"What are you talking about?! Why are you being such an idiot?!"

"If you don't rely on me, why should I rely on you?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Marco's tone was desperate.

"Where were you that night Marco?! Were you with someone else?! Are you seeing anyone?!" He yelled, and Marco didn't reply. "I know I'm not good enough for you, but if you want to be with someone else you don't need to hide from me, and you don't need to fake tears for me to pity you!"

Jean was yelling like crazy, and nothing that came out of that jealousy attack made any sense. The look in Marco's eyes changed into one of complete hurt.

There were a few seconds of silence. "Y...You think I'm... seeing someone?" Marco's voice was only a whisper. "You think that's why I was late... That I was faking...?" He sobbed. "Fuck you, Jean." After this they heard footsteps coming in their direction, and Marco walked right by them, tears rolling down his cheeks. He looked at them but didn't stop, just walked through them faster.

"M...Marco..." Jean started to walk after him, passing by them and only sending them a look saying that was none of their business.

"W...wait!" Jean started to run, but as soon as he reached Marco, the other teen turned around.

"Please, leave me alone." He sobbed. "I need some time. Don't follow me, and don't talk to me." He then walked away, leaving Jean behind.

Armin recalled the conversation they had the other day, and decided he should go there. "Eren, I'm sorry but I should go talk to Jean." The teen made a confused expression. "I'll meet you at the dorm, ok?" He started to run towards Jean, who was now kneeling on the floor, crying.

He knelled in front of him and extended him a hand. "Not here." Jean looked at him and Armin smiled. "I know a place."

.  
.

"Geez, I said I'm sorry..." Reiner sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, I'm not the one you should be apologising to." Berthold's tone was angry.

"I'm not even sure what I said wrong..." he shrugged. "I mean, we all think it, why can't I say it?"

"Because it's rude and it hurts other people's feelings!" The tall teen yelled loud, calling attention to them while they crossed the hall. "Have you thought that maybe we don't all think that way?! Is that too much for your small brain?" Noticing the attention he was calling he lowed his volume. "You're just so insensitive sometimes!" He then walked away, leaving a wordless Reiner behind him.

If he stayed any longer, he'd end up saying something he'd regret. He was so pissed at Reiner. How could he not understand, after all these years, that when he talked like that it hurt him? How could he not understand that whenever he was with Christa his own heart was hurting? How he could he be so blind?

.  
.

Eren stood there gazing at the empty hallway for a while. In a few seconds Armin just left, he didn't even get to say a word. He stood there until he realised he was just standing in the middle of the hallway like an idiot, and decided to go back to the dorm.

Where did Armin took Jean? To a place he didn't know? Somewhere they could be alone?

Jealousy started to eat him up as he walked through the crowded school.

He knew Armin loved him, and he was pretty sure Jean felt the same for Marco, but for some ilogical reason, his chest clenched painfuly. He laid in bed and tried to shake the thought out of his mind, but it didn't work. A few minutes later Marco walked in, and without saying a word, got under the covers. He suposed he wanted to be alone, so he didn't go there.

.  
.

They both went into the same place they went a few days ago, and sat on the grass.

Jean covered his face with his good hand and started sobbing. "I'm such an idiot. Why am I even alive?"

"There, calm down." Armin placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm glad he's mad, I'm glad he hates me. He deserves so much better than this piece of shit!"

The blond teen wasn't sure what to say, he figured he would just let Jean let it all out.

"I don't even know where this jealousy came from... I was... So mad that he wouldn't tell me, I..." His voice cracked. "I'm such an idiot!"

"It's ok..." It was all he could say. "It's ok..."

After a few minutes Jean started to calm down, and just laid down on the grass looking at the sky.

"It's already 20:30, we should go to the dorm."

The other teen nodded, but didn't move.

"Come on." Armin got up. "Eren's probably mad at me too so..." Jean still didn't move. "Laying there feeling sorry for yourself won't do anything."

"I know that." His voice was low and lifeless.

"Aren't you coming?" He stood impatient in front of the other teen. Jean nodded again, but still didn't move. Armin squatted in front of him. "Look. You fucked up, so what? We all do. Didn't you promise to always be by his side?"

Jean lifted himself up to his elbows and nodded again.

"Than you better get up, because he's waiting for your apology right now."

The other teen sat up and looked at the floor. "What if he never talks to me again?"

Armin smiled. "He wouldn't do that. Now get up, I still have a confused and probably angry Eren to deal with."

Jean smirked. "Yeah. I bet you being alone with me doesn't exactly please him." He then got up and Armin did the same.

.  
.

Fuck Reiner. How dare he say those thing about her, about Sasha. Couldn't he understand that he liked her. What a dick.

He was walking through the hallways when he saw Berthold sitting in a corner. He looked around searching for Reiner, but for everyones surprise, he wasn't there.

Then Berthold, was alone?

He walked there and as soon as Berthold saw him, he smiled. "Hey, Connie. I'm sorry about earlier."

Connie smiled and sat next to him. "It wasn't your fault." They sat in silence for a while. "Where's Reiner?"

Berthold shrugged. "I don't need to be with him all the time, you know." His tone was offended.

"Oh, it's just that... Never mind." The fell into silence again, and just when Connie was about to leave, Berthold spoke.

"He can be a dick sometimes. I just needed some time to be by myself." Connie looked at him.

"Did he said anything to you?"

"He says a lot of things. A lot of things that hurt." He looked at the floor for a few more seconds until he got up. "Anyway, we should get going. It's almost 21."

"Yeah. Let's go."

.  
.

They then walked silently to the dorms, where they found Eren laying in bed, gazing at the ceiling, and Marco laying in bed as well, curled up like a ball.

As soon as Eren saw his boyfriend, his gaze went back to the ceiling.

"Hi." He said as soon as Armin was close enough to hear.

"Hi..." Armin sat next to him."I'm sorry I left like that." Eren looked at him and smiled. "It's ok."

"You're not mad?"

Eren sat up. "I don't like it when you leave, especially like that. But I'm not mad."

Armin smiled at him. "I won't do it again." Eren smiled too. That minute Koehler entered the room, and they all stood straight. After the man was gone, they didn't gather up like they usually did on weekends, each stayed at their bunk.

.

"Hm... Marco..." the boy laying under the sheets didn't move. "I need to talk to you. Please." After a few seconds the freckled boy slowly sat up. His eyes were red and swallowed. "I...I'm such a dick... I don't know why the fuck I said that... I was.." he sighed. "I was angry because you won't tell me where you were that night or... why... and I thought you didn't trust me... or something like that..." He looked at the floor. "And it just makes me really angry that whenever I need you, you're right there, but... I can never be there for you."

Marco looked at him for a while and then moved in his place, in a way to tell the other teen to sit there.

Jean sat. "And then... I don't know, I think I was just jealous because... whoever was with you that moment, knew something about you that I didn't, and that thought scared me because..." he looked at Marco. "I can only rely on you, and I want you to rely on me. Not anyone else."  
They stared at each other for a few moments until Marco smiled at him with tears on his eyes. "What hurts the most is that... I always trusted you, Jean. Always." Jean bowed his head, and the other teen continued "What you said to me was just... horrible."

Jean made a guilty expression. "I know... I'm just a jerk. I'm sorry."

"It'll take a while." Marco's changed into a harsher one. "But I want you to know that, the only reason I'm not telling you about that... night, is because I... can't." His eyes became watery. "I just can't. And I need you to understand that."

Jean looked at him. It was so hard to understand why, but he trusted Marco. He had to. He nodded. "I trust you." The other teen smiled at him. "Ok."

Their hands touched for a few seconds and their smiles widened. As long as Marco was ok, he was ok.

**Idk man these chapters keep coming shorter. I try to make them bigger but I just block, sorry. Anyway, this is soooo cheesy, I know. It's not one of my best chapters but I wanted to just, get my mind off child molest for a while xD**

**Dude, I don't know if you write 'Armin's hand' or 'Armins' hand'**

**I'm dumb, I know, but english is not my frist language and I confuse these two a lot so...**

**Anyway, as always thank you for reading and giving me your support. If you have the time please leave a review :3**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! Sorry this was a little late but I went on vacations so it delayed a little. This chapter is a little bigger and hopefully a little better xD **

**Enjoy!**

**Warnings: Language and some minor violence. Also hints of rape.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or its characters.**

_"Come on, don't be shy!" The man gripped the boy's naked body. Everything he did was disgusting, everything he said was disgusting._

_Everything he touched was disgusting._

_Therefore, every part of the young boy's body was disgusting by now._

_"No! Please, stop!" He cried while trying to run away. He didn't care where to, he didn't care if he was alone. All he wanted was to get away from there. Everything he could feel was shame and disgust, all over his body. He could feel his heart beating in his ears and the tears that ran down his face._

"Ah!" The freckled boy woke up in a jump, sweat falling down his face, tears blooming from his eyes. He took a while to tell himself that he wasn't there, that he was here, in his bed, safe, while Jean slept above him.

He wanted to tell himself it was just a dream, that he was fine. That it was all a lie, that it was just a product of his imagination.

But that wasn't true. None of that was true.

That was his body, the body being so abruptly destroyed. Could he even call it his anymore? The feeling he felt during that dream was the feeling he felt now, everytime he looked at himself, everytime he touched himself. No matter how much he washed it, how much he scrubbed it, the body from the dream and the body where he was living were the same. Just a poisened, disgusting piece of meat that didn't even belong to him anymore.

The tears started to fall at these memories. He hugged his knees to his chest and tried to breathe, but he couldn't. He felt as pathetic and weak as he felt that night, not even able to breathe for himself. He tried to count to ten, but he forgot how to. He needed oxigen.

His gasps for air became more erratic and he couldn't stop shaking. He needed to calm down, he needed to calm down and he needed to breathe.

As the pain in his lungs became stronger, he clenched his chest with his hands. He was going to die, he could feel he was going to die and he didn't want to. He tried to breathe again, and again until his vision turned blurry and his limbs started to weaken. Maybe he deserved to die, maybe after death he would be Marco again.

Pure, smiley Marco.

Just when he was about colapse, he was lifted from his bed. He didn't know how or by who, but before he knew it he was sitting in the bathroom floor with a hand on his back. "Alright Marco, it's ok. You're safe."

As he felt a hand on his back he felt relaxed, at ease. Against all odds, that touch made him feel better. Jean was the only person whose touch southed him, so he figured it was him. The fact that he was there, next to him, calmed him a little.

"I'm right here. Just me and you, there's no one else." He absorved those words. Just the two of them, no one else. Lund wasn't there. He wasn't there and he wasn't going to hurt him, or Jean. Not right now.

He managed to take a small breath and he felt relieved. He wasn't going to die.

"That's right, slowly. You got this." He kept trying to breathe, and as time went by it was becoming easier. As the air reached his lungs the pressure from his chest became less and less. He started to come back to his senses, and his vision started to get less and less blury.

"Ok, Marco. I'm going to need you to count to ten, ok?" Jean's face was right in front of him, with his bed hair and a tired expression, but right there.

Marco only nodded, and slowly started to count. Jean counted with him, which helped a lot. During those seconds he focused only on numbers, on counting. He tried to forget everything else. After the couting finished, he was feeling like himself again, and even if it was too fast and uneven, he could breathe.

"How are you feeling? Can you breathe?" He moved his hand from his back to his shoulder. In his eyes there was pure worry.

Marco closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face. He hadn't realised he was crying until now. "I...I'm ok. I'm sorry..."

Jean made an annoyed face. "Geez, don't apologise for that."

They stayed quiet for a while. Marco was still shaking from the panick and Jean could hear his heart beat in his own ears. He had been so close to lose Marco, so close. "Shit." As realisation started to dawn on him, he hugged Marco. With only one hand he held the teen against him. "Shit, Marco. What the fuck... You were pannicking."

Marco took a while and held him back. He was safe, Jean was right here and for a moment he forgot everything. About his dream, about his body and about Lund.

He pulled away. "Marco, I know you can't tell me what happened that night but... whatever it was. It's destroying you."

Marco looked at him and tears started falling from his eyes again. He wanted to tell Jean, he wanted to tell him so bad. He wanted Jean to tell him it's ok, that he was still Marco, and that he didn't change. But he couldn't. What if he thought he was disgusting, unpure? What if he never wanted to be with him again, to touch him again? What if he looked at him the same way he looked at himself?

And even if that didn't happened, he knew the teen long enough to know that he wouldn't just sit around after he knew. He would seek revenge, and he would get in trouble. And if Lund found out... He'd hurt him.

He couldn't bare to lose him, in any way. He would handle all of this alone, for him. No, not for Jean. He was handling all of this alone for himself. For selfish reasons. He really didn't deserve Jean.

"I'm ok. I'm ok." He smiled at Jean. "I just had a nightmare, that's all."

"You don't freak out like that over a nightmare." He brought his thumb over to Marco's face and wiped his tears away. He hated to see him crying.

"How did you cary me here with just one arm?" Marco looked confused at him and Jean's expression also became one of confusion. He was so scared and worried he didn't even notice his own actions. "I don't know. I... just did?"

"You're an idiot... You could have hurt yourself." He placed his hand on brunet's injured shoulder. Soon he would be able to use it again.

"There you are again. You just came out of a panick attack and you're worrying about me!" He made a worried face. "Worry about yourself every once in a while, ok?" He approached his head to the other teen's chest. He listened to his heartbeat. It was beating, fast and uncontroled, but it was beating. "Are you sure you're ok?"

The other teen nodded. "Yeah, thank you. You should go to bed now."

He made a sarcastic tone and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'll totally leave you here alone after a panic attack." He sat confortably in front of him. "It's almost 6 am anyway, we can stay here."

Marco smiled. "And you say you're never here for me..." he moved and placed his head on the Jean's lap. They both sat there in silence, just enjoying each other's presence. Marco knew he'd never be the same, that he'd never 'recover'. But he could still enjoy these little moments.

In the morning they went to bed a few moments before Koehler's arrival. As usual, all students got up and went to church. That day, the homosexuality speech came up. It wasn't a surprise, it would come almost every week, but every time it did, Eren got weird. Like he knew that wasn't true, but there was a little part of him that couldn't stop hating himself.

"As we all know, many of our sick brother's fight their sickness today. To those brother's I wish only good luck, may god have mercy on your souls and may your heart find its right path." Eren's fists turned into balls and he clenched his teeth. "But there are still many out there who haven't followed the path of god. Some of us still believe homosexuality is acceptable, good, even desirable."

He cleaned his throat. "They chose to live for themselfs instead of god, and therefore they are posessed by the devil. It is Satan's wish to spread a plague. Brothers, we must not let it prevail! We must fight homosexuality, and save the souls of our brothers!"

"Amen." The uni sound spread arround the room and Armin felt disgusted. He felt disgusted that they said that to children, who had nothing else to believe in. He felt disgusted that they believed in that, even though it wasn't their choise. He felt disgusted at the world.

That day, Eren wasn't chatty or in a good mood. Armin wasn't either, so he just accepted it. It was tough to listen to that so often.

They had to separate during that morning to go different classes, and Armin was terrified. He was going to be alone, and he was sure Lund was going to show up. He used to like being alone, but now he was scared of it. Scared because he was weak and a easy target. Scared of how ridiculous he was. He wished he could tell Eren what was happening, he was sure he wouldn't leave him alone ever again, but he couldn't.

As he expected, he reached the classroom and there he was. The only explanation was that he had his schedule, that way he always knew where he was, and when he was alone. The hallway was full of people for his luck, but that wouldn't stop him. It never did.

"Armin!" The man smiled and ran to him. His body tensed up and he did what he did best and made himself small. "It sure as been a while hasn't it?" He couldn't afford to touch him, not in front of everyone. He lowered his tone in a way that only him and the teen could hear. "How's you boyfriend?"

Armin quickly pulled away and moved to his side. The man approached him again. "Didn't you hear the sermon today? Being a little faggot isn't ok..." Armin was on the verge of tears by now, and the clock hit 10 am. Almost everyone got into their classrooms.

"L...leave me alone. I'm not a... I'm not."

The man laughed. "Besides a little faggot you're a liar too." Since most of the students were gone, leaving only them and two other guys down the hall who were talking about something that seemed like football, the man took his chance and grabbed Armin's hand. "You're lucky you're cute." The boy was sweating nervous by now. He tried to escape but the grip on his hand was too strong. "Don't try to run away, Armin. You're even too weak for that." He tried to escape harder, caughting the other guys attention. The man imediatelly released his hand and moved further away.

"I don't like being played with. You will be a good boy and do what I say, won't you?"

Armin's arms were crossed over his chest and his head was bowed down, covering his entire face. He looked smaller than he ever did before.

"Or do you want everyone to know? Do you know what they do to faggots like you in here?" He approached his face. "They send them to a homosexual correction place. And if you think this is bad, try it there." Armin let out a tear. He was already late for class, but he couldn't move. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. As usual he was standing there, patheticly, not standing for himself. Just being small and weak. "That's what they legally should do, but you see. Koehler has a special hate for faggots, so we usually let him play with them for a while." The man smiled widely. "So you better be a good boy, right?" Everyone was gone by now, they were alone in the hallway. He gripped the boy's wrist, so strongly it hurt. "Right?!" He groaled out these words in a threatning, demanding voice.

The blond boy sobbed and slowly nodded. "Just... don't hurt Eren... please."

The man looked at him and laughed loud. "Oh my god. That's just disgusting." He released the boy and started to walk away. "Be a good boy Armin. Remember your promises." The second the man turned the corner he fell on the floor, sobbing. He gripped his wrist, it hurt but he was sure that whatever he was getting for being late for class, would hurt much more.

He hugged his knees to his chest and tried to forget class for a while. He was so scared, so pathetic, so weak. He wished he was Eren, he wished he had his courage, his strenght. He wished he could defend himself instead of just crying alone on the floor. Instead on falling right into Lund's trap.

He wished he wasn't Armin. He wanted to be anyone but himself.

After a while he had to get up and face his punnishment for being late. It was only 5 minutes, but he knew that was enough for a few strong slaps. As he figured, as soon as he arrived, three strong slaps were planted on his face, followed by a warning that the next time they would let Koehler handle the subject. His face was swallown during the entire day, but that was the least of his worries.

"Dude, what happened to your face?" As soon as Connie saw him he flinched his eyes. The blond teen's face was really swallowned.

"Late for class..." he said as he sat down on the luch table. He didn't want to give any more details, so he just decided to change the subject. "Where's Eren?" Everyone was sitting at the table but him. Marco was cutting Jean's food as always, while Jean was complaining of how he could do it himself. Reiner and Berthold were sitting unconfortably at the end of the table, not talking to each other. Armin knew something was up but he had other things to worry with right now. And Connie was eating in front of him. The only one missing was Eren, that should be sitting next to him.

"I don't know. He should be here by now..." Marco said. "Maybe he's talking to a teacher or something..."

Worry went up Armin's insides. Was he safe? Was Lund with him? Maybe Lund found him and he was torturing him, maybe they were going to send him away. He closed his eyes and calmed himself. He was ok, he was just late.

That minute Eren entered the canteen. He picked a tray and ran to them. "Damn. The teacher kept me there to say if I didn't pass the next math test I'd fail." He breathed and looked at Armin. Worry spread in his eyes. "Armin. What happened to your face?" He sat next to him and brought his fingers to the swallowned part. Inspecting it, so slowly and carefully making sure not to hurt him.

"Guys..." Connie cleaned his throat and moved his head to the side. There were two guys there sending them a look.

Getting the note he quickly pulled appart, and Armin said awkwardly. "I was late for class. It's nothing..."

"It doesn't look like nothing." He wanted to go there and kiss his face, his wounds. But he would have to wait to do that.

"Why were you late anyway? You left like 5 minutes before time." Connie kept eating like it was nothing.

Armin's body tensed up. This was the exact question he was trying to avoid. "I...I got lost."

Jean's gaze moved to him, and he sent him a look.

"You got lost?! You never get lost." Eren's face was one of confusion.

"Yes... I..." Armin was getting lost in his words.

"Yeah." Jean made a nervous smirk. "I saw that loser wandering the hallways a few minutes after the beggining of classes. I had to give him the directions." Jean faked a laugh.

Armin was so grateful for Jean,

understanding his looks, and faked a laugh too. "Yeah..."

"Wait. _You_ gave _Armin_ directions? Something doesn't make any sense." Marco smirked. "You're like the least oriented person ever, Jean."

The brunet blushed. "I... I am not! I am very oriented!" Everyone at the table laughed and Armin made a effort to change the subject. He spoke quietly.

"What's going on between those two?" He smoothly pointed at Reiner and Berthold on the end of the table. Connie shrugged.

"I think they're mad at each other. Or at least Bert is. I don't know the details."

Everyone's face was one of shock. They were mad? They were as close as two persons could be, always together. Them being mad was news for everyone.

They all shrugged and forgot about it. Whatever it was, it was between the two of them.

After lunch was finnished, Eren and Armin went to the dorm for a while, until classes began again. Unfortunately there were a few students there, so they just had to turn away and look for a quiet place. Armin thought about going to the place Jean had shown him, but that wasn't a good idea. He needed that place to be secret. They wandered around the school's yard until they found a quiet spot. There was no one there. They sat and Eren did what he was waiting to do, and kissed Armin's face.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He kissed his nose. "I don't like that they touch you." He sent him a concerned look.

Armin smiled. "I'm good." He then pulled Eren into a kiss. It lasted only for a few seconds, until Eren pulled away. Armin looked at him concerned.

"I'm sorry it's just that... today's sermon, just..."

Armin smiled at him. "It's ok. I don't want to pressure you." He held his hands. Eren smiled back and nodded, until suddenly, his attention turned somewhere else. He noticed Armin's wrist, how it was bruised.

As soon as Armin realised he noticed, he took his hand away. "It's nothing."

Eren looked mad and reached for his hand again. "Don't tell me that's not nothing." He bit his lip. "Who did this?"

"No one, Eren. Don't worry about it." Armin tried his best to hide his hand again, but Eren held it gently but firmly. Not hurting him in any way, but not letting go either.

"Armin. Please talk to me. You have to talk to me." Eren let out a cry. "You can't just show up with your face beaten and your wrist like that and say it's nothing!"

"It's what they do here!" He stood up in a jump. "Are you that surprised?! It's a bruise, Eren! Jean is walking around with a broken arm. Don't make a drama out of this!" He yelled without realising. Why was he so upset all of a sudden?

"Why would they grab your wrist?! I know you, I know you wouldn't run away from whatever punnishment they were giving you."

"Because they're animals!" He sat next to his boyfriend again, and took a few breaths to calm himself down. It wasn't Eren's fault, and it was more than understandable that he was worried. "Lets just please enjoy this. Don't think about that." He kissed Eren's forehead. "Ok?"

Eren groaned in defeat and nodded. Armin's arguments were enough to stop the questions, and he was glad. There was no way he was going to put Eren in danger.

.

.

.

The two teens were walking through the hallways. The two of them as usual, but no words were exchanged since that morning. Suddenly Reiner got tired of it. Of the awkward silence. Of the killing mood.

"Bert... are you mad at me?"

Berthold looked at Reiner. "No." He turned his gaze forward and kept walking.

Reiner bowed his head. "Ok."

They walked a few more seconds in silence. "But you look mad. And you sound mad."

Berthold shrugged. "It's just your imagination."

Reiner stopped. "Why aren't we talking then?" Berthold stopped too and looked back. "Well, you are apparently."

"Just tell me what's up, Bert. I can't do anything about it if you don't tell me." The blond teen's tone was upset.

"Suddenly you want to talk about feelings? Or actual stuff?" The tall teen kept his expression, but there was sweat starting to form in his forehead, so it was clear he was nervous. "Or is this conversation leading to boobs and butts again?"

Reiner made an annoyed face. "I don't know what's your problem! What do you have against girls?!"

"Nothing! I have absolutely nothing against girls! But I am tired of you don't shutting up about it!" Berthold screamed too. They didn't scream very loudly because there were other people in the hallway, but the screams were loud enough to understand they were both upset.

"I talk about what I like!" Reiner gesticulated a lot, his hand hitting his chest.

"Oh! That explaines why any of your conversations mention me!" He didn't notice what he said, and was quick correcting it. "Or any of your friends..."

Reiner frowned. "You're mad because I don't talk about you?"

"That's not what I said!" He started blushing.

"That's what you meant!" He approached the tall teen. "You think I don't like you?!"

"I... I didn't said that!" Berthold was sweating rivers by now.

"Just because I think Christa's cute and Sasha has a nice rack doesn't mean I don't love you!"

The tall teen froze "Ah... hum...who said anything about love? You're just... anoying that's all." He was live red, and cleaned the sweat off his face with his sleeve.

"Bert. I know you since I remember. This place is my life. You are my life." He approached him. "But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the beauty of women." He turned arround. "Women are beautiful, but they're not you. You're just... everything. Ok?" He smiled. "I can love both, can't I?"

Berthold frozed at his words, until a smile creeped on his face. "Y...yeah." he walked next to him. "Ok."

.

.

.

"So can you like... move it?" Everyone was looking espectant at Jean, whose arm was now released. But after more than a month without moving it, all of his muscle strenght was gone.

"Not really." He made a weird face and aplied all of his strenght to his arm. Still it only moved a couple of centimiters.

"Don't force it. You don't have any muscle strenght, you have to go to fisiotherapy now." Armin said with a calm tone and everyone stared at him.

After a few seconds of staring, everyone burst out laughing. "Fisio-what?" Said Reiner.

"F...Fisiotherapy. To make sure your arm recovers in a healthy way." The blond's words were covered with laughs again.

"Dude, all you get here is pain-killers, if you're lucky."

"You don't do fisiotherapy? Then how do you handle the pain?" His face was confused.

"You just do man, until your arm starts moving again." Reiner smirked. "We don't have those fancy doctors."

Eren smiled quindly. "There guys. He didn't know."

"But isn't it like... your legal right to visit a fisiotherapist? I think it is. And it's all at school expense."

"Armin, my arm is like this because a grown up beat me up." He smirked. "I think we're a little over legal rights now."

Armin made an annoyed face. "Whatever. I know some fisotherapist exercises, so I'll help you." They all frowned.

"Why the hell do you know fisiotherapist exercises?" Eren sent him a confused look.

Armin shrugged and looked down. "We didn't really had money for a fisiotherapist either, and as I said..." he licked his lips. "The girly looking guy who reads 24/7 isn't exactly the popular type..." They all stood in silence. "So my grandfather learned how to do these things and I learned as well." He moved close to Jean and caught his arm. He then gently grabbed his hand and started to lift it, making sure the arm was stretched.

A shiver of jealousy ran through Eren's spine.

"O...ouch..." Jean made a pain expression and his arm tensed up.

"Yeah, it hurts at first. But it'll get better." He kept doing the exercise methodicaly. "When you're alone do it on the wall." He carefully placed the other's hand on the wall. "Like your fingers are running up." Jean did as he said and his arm started to go higher each time.

"Yeah. Just do that for like half an hour each day and it'll heal much faster. You should also get someone to give you a massage each day, after the exercises."

Eren sent him a fury look he couldn't ignore. It was one thing to grab his hand, but to massage his naked body with oily hands was crossing the line. Armin was quick fixing it.

"Like Marco. Marco should give you a massage." He cleaned his throat and pointed at him and Marco walked foward. "I...I don't know how."

"You just... when he's without shirt just... rub the place that was broken." He was blushing and looking down. "Also estimulate the rest of the rest of the limb. Just massage it for like half an hour."

Marco and Jean blushed live red. Reiner laughed. "Don't need to be shy boys. It's an oportunity, uh?" He smirked and winked.

"Shut up, Reiner." Jean groaled and looked at Armin. "Thanks." The blond smiled back.

"Sure. It would be much better if they were performed with a doctor but..." He fidgeted.

"Hey. You've done everything you could for mr. horseface here." Eren pointed at Jean. "If you could just do something for that face..."

"Shut up, Eren! When my arm is back to normal I'll kick your ass!" Jean screamed.

"I'd like to see you try." They both approached into a fearful distance gazing at each other with fearful eyes.

"Guys..." Marco approached them.

"I don't beat handicaps..." Eren smirked and Jean groaled.

"Eren..." Armin's voice was weak but a warning. The green eyed boy looked at him and smiled. "Whatever. I have other things to do anyway..."

He turned and faced Armin. "You still have to help me with math. My test is next week..."

Armin rolled his eyes. "Sure. We can go to the library." He started to walk and Eren followed. "Later guys."

Eren waved and ran to meet him up. "Alone at last." He sent him an evil smirk.

The blond boy looked at him for a while. "Eren, when I said we were going to study, I meant it." The other's smirk fell appart.

"But... I thought we were going to some place quiet." He smiled. "Just the the two of us, alone. Date a little you know." He did an eyebrow move and Armin laughed.

"Naha mister. You need to pass this test. The only thing you'll be dating today is fractions." He did an eyebrow move too, and Eren pouted.

"You're no fun." They walked into the library and they sat down. "Armin, I know nothing about this." He sighed.

"That's why I'm here to help you. Now, fractions. The first thing you need to understand is that the denominator..." he kept talking about math and Eren just stopped.

He took a look at the boy in front of him. The way his hair was sweaty and oily because he hadn't washed it in two days, the way his eyebrows weren't simetric, and did this little thing when he focused. The way he blinked more often when he was explaining something, and how he would get a little double chin when he looked down.

He noticed how his lips were dry and dehydrated, and the how his eyes would get a little wrinkled when he squinted them. He noticed how his hands were so small and slim, just like him. How he'd constantly pull his hair behind his right hear when he was reading and the way his tongue slighly came out of his mouth when he talked louder.

He noticed all of these little flaws. All of these little things, and he smiled.

He was never more sure that he loved Armin Arlert before.

**So, I've slowed down the plot a little because I know I have to do something terrible and I don't want to, but I must *sobs***

**Btw - That homosexuality speech was inspired by a few speeches I found online, so you can easily find the original ones.**

**That is not made up. People actually say that, and people actually believe in that. Just... so done with this world.**

**As usual, please leave a review if you want to help me get my spirits up, have a constructive criticism, or have any questions at all. I really appreciate it ^^**

**Thank you for supporting me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Omg I hate myself so much I am so sorry this chapter is horrible and I barely cried I am so sorry. This chapter was so hard to write that's why it took so long but this shit is messed up, man. This was so hard.**

**To cheer you up. This beautiful song reminds me of this fanfic: Snow Patrol - chasing cars**

**Warning: RAPE A LOT OF RAPE *sobs* violence and offensive language and basicly if you don't like phisical and mental abuse please do not read this.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or it's characters.**

It was around 8:30 am in the girls dorms. Since it was a Saturday and the girls had no classes, they would return to the dorms after church to get ready for the big day. They'd line up for shower and carefully pick their clothes. After all, today was visits and God's love hour day, so they had to look specially good.

"Sasha, is that make-up?" Christa stopped brushing her hair and looked at the girl with special care.

"And your jeans are really tight. Is that for the visits or for that boy you like?" Ymir teased while drying her hair with a towel, wearing only a baggy T-shirt.

"It's not make-up just some glip-gloss, the jeans are normal, I never have visits and I don't like Connie!" The brunette said with a desperate tone.

"Every single thing you said was a lie." Ymir smirked.

"Doesn't your father comes to visit you every week?" Mikasa was walking around with a towel and shampo waiting for her turn in the shower.

Sasha's expression fell. "I don't want to see him. Bastard threw me away into this shitty place to go live with Nora and her stupid kids. Fuck him."

Noticing the mood drop Ymir decided to crack some horrible joke. "I'm sure Nora will." She smirked from across the room followed by a histerical laugh. "I'm hilarious."

"Geez." Annie left the shower cabine with a towel around her body and sighed. Mikasa taking the chance quickly entered.

"Where did you even get that lip-gloss? Make-up in here is like super expensive." Christa kept brushing her hair.

"Hannah lent it to me."

"Since when does Hannah has that kind of money?" Ymir sounded shoked.

"I don't know, and I didn't ask. As long as she shares it with me, I don't care what her sources are." She finnished putting the gloss and faked a kiss to the air.

"You look cute." Christa smiled.

"It's going to come off as soon as you eat, though. You better don't eat during the entire day." Annie kept her serious expression while moving in front of a mirror to untie her hair.

"Whaaaaaaat?! No way! I rather not wear the gloss!" Every girl laughed.

"Just take it in your pocket and put it on again after each time you eat." The little blonde said with a smile.

"She's going to run out before the end of the day." The freckled girl smirked and left the bathroom, towel still drying her hair.

With Annie and Ymir out of the room, and Mikasa in the shower the conversation became only between Sasha and Christa.

"So... between the two of us." The blonde smirked. "Are you sure you don't like Connie?"

The brunette blushed. "Well... I... I don't know, I mean, he's nice..."

"And cute." The other girl added.

"Well... yeah..." She cleaned her throat. "But I wouldn't say I... like him."

"HmHm. I see." The small girl started to walk away. "He definately likes you, though. You can see it in his eyes." She left the room leaving Sasha all by herself, and Mikasa in the shower.

She didn't know how she felt about the boy, but of one thing she was sure. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

.

.

.

"I passed!" Eren jumped in the air, holding up his math test. "It was the last test of this semester meaning that now I don't have to study anymore." He smiled at the boy next to him. "All thanks to you."

Armin blushed. "You did all the hard work. I'm proud of you."

Eren smirked. "Now, we have all the time to ourselfs." He did that eyebrow thing that made Armin laugh. "If you know what I mean."

"I don't know if you remember but I still have two tests this semester. I need to study."

"What?! Come on... You're like, super smart, you don't need to study!" He made sweet puppy eyes and lowered his tone. "You need to give me attention..." He sounded like a little kid making a scene, but Armin thought it was cute.

"I will. But first I need to make sure I pass the tests, ok?" He gave Eren a sligh punch to the shoulder, something they had agreed woud be interpreted as a kiss for whenever they wanted to kiss, but were in public.

The brunet hesitated for a few seconds but eventually sighed, and gave Armin a small punch back. "Alright... but after those tests are finnished, we'll cuddle 24/7!" He spoke quietly, but you could sense the emotion on his words. His boyfriend laughed and nodded.

"Alright, . I'm going to the library to study now, but you should go and meet the guys."

Eren pouted. "But I want to be with you. Who studies on a Saturday?" He made an annoyed face.

"People who have tests next week. And I'll be with you later at lunch, ok?" He made a sweet smile. "Go and have fun, do something."

Eren smiled and punched his shoulder lighty. "Ok. I'll see you at lunch." He then made a very light movement with his mouth. "I love you."

Armin smiled and moved his mouth as well. "Me too."

After that they locked their eyes for a few seconds and eventually Eren turned around and followed the hallway towards the main room and the dorms. Armin turned for the library, and a feeling of fear hit him.

He was alone.

He decided to calm down. There were a lot of people in the library, it would be too risky for Lund to try something there. He breathed a few times and started to go up the stairs. Still, no sign of Lund. Maybe he didn't know where he was. After all, even if he did know his schedule, he had no way to know what he'd do in his free time.

A smile spread on his face, and he felt relieved. He walked into the library and sat on a table alone. He was still scared, so every five minutes he'd lift his head from his books and inspect the room, always hoping not to see that face he was so scared of. After around an hour of this torture, he was feeling safe, so he had forgotten to lift his head and check his surrondings. It was his first, and worst mistake.

He was reading, at a very slow and calm pace, feeling good, feeling safe, when someone sat right in front of him.

"Hey there, Armin. I think we need to talk."

He recognized that voice immediately, and cursed every part of his body for thinking he was safe. Thinking he could be alone. All of his muscles tensed up, and he slowly lifted his head from the book he was reading, only to confirm that his biggest fear in the world was standing right in front of him.

"I thought we had a deal, Armin. No one, was suposed to know." His voice was threatning and his face was angry. Angrier than the blond had ever seen. "But you couldn't do that, could you? You had to tell someone..." He smirked. "Now, both you and your boyfriend will have to be punnished."

His eyes widened and filth with tears. "No... No... I didn't tell anyone... please..."

"The fuck you didn't." He approached his face to boy's. "You think you can fool me, you little fag? You think you're so smart?" His smile widened. "You're nothing. And you better do exactly as I say, right now. Otherwise that Eren boy..." He placed his finger on his neck, and slowly moved it from one tip to the other. "Id hate to do that. But I will. So stand up, and follow me."

Armin let out a sob and crashed into tears. "Please... Please don't..."

The man stood up and looked at him. "Get up."

The blond hesitated for a few seconds, and looked at the man. "Please..."

"Do not make me repeat myself." The man hissed, and Armin got up. He quickly grabbed all of his stuff and packed them in his bag. After that the man left the library and he followed put, tears falling from his eyes. He didn't know where he was going, or why, but if he didn't, Eren would be in danger and...

He would not allow that.

He could barely see where he was going from all the tears that gathered in his eyes. Before he realised, he was walking into the staff office.

The staff office was basicly the place where all the workers would go, depending on the importance, they would have their own private room, a staff only bar, and there was the principal's office.

A student would only go there either when he was in trouble, when he arrived, or when he was leaving. Panic hit him. Was he going to take him to the principal, tell him all he knows about him and Eren? Were they going to get transferred, to the homosexual correction camp?! Would they be separated? No, anything but that. Eren was all he had, Eren was...

His panic flew away as they walked right by the door of the principal's office, taking a few more steps and entering a door to their left.  
Behind the door was a small room, only having a desk filth with papers and a bookshelf, the only books that sat there were Christian related.

Lund entered, turned around and locked the door, leaving the both of them closed in there.

"This is my office. It's not much but it's enough." He smirked and approached the blond. "A few meters away is the principal's office. You get to choose in which one you rather stay." He held the small boy's cheek with his hand. "Either you stay here with me, or you go to the principals office with your boyfriend. It's not a very hard choise, is it?" He started to approach the blond's lips with his own, but before he got there Armin turned around.

"Do... Don't... Please..." he sobbed and patheticly tried to walk away, arms crossed over, looking so small he was almost invisible.

"Armin... Come on. Is it because I'm a man?" He laughed. "Because apparently you don't have a problem with that." He approached the boy again, this time grabbing his wrist. "You know the deal. If you don't stay here, both you and Eren will face the consequences of being disgusting little creatures." He let go of him. "Is that what you want?" He hissed. "Is it?"

Armin sobbed. "No... No..." he brought his hands to his face, and closed his eyes. Maybe if he focused enough, he wasn't there anymore. He was safe, with Eren and Mikasa, talking about the universe. None of this was real, it was all his imagination. His fantasy was broke when the man held his hands and pulled them away from his face. After that he abruptly shoved his face forward, and his lips were in Armin's.

It felt so wrong... So horrible. When he and Eren kissed he would feel like he was flying, like the world was perfect. But right now, he could only feel disgust and panick. He tried to squirm away, but the man had a strong grip on his hands and the more he tried to break free the strongest and more painful it became.

After a few seconds that felt like years of agony the man pulled appart. "Such innocent, beautiful lips." He caressed them with his thumb. "Ready to be broken." He shoved his face forward again, and repeated the kiss, this time breaking his lips appart with his tongue, and exploring every bit of his mouth.

He tasted like tobbaco and alcohol. While this happened he was a sobbing mess. He just wanted to get away, to run away now. He wanted for Eren to find him, and to save him. He wanted to get out of this place and never come back.

The man pulled appart again. "Yeah... I've been waiting for this for far too long." He looked the man in his eyes and he didn't see a fucked up pedophile anymore.

He saw a fucked up pedophile, filth with lust.

He tried to run again but Lund caught his forearm. "Take off your clothes, Armin."

The blond sobbed and tried to escape the strong hand that held him still. "Please..." His face was filth with tears, saliva and snot. It was a disgusting mess by now. "Please... let me go. I just want to go away... I won't tell anyone.."

The hand held him stronger, a shiver of pain going through his body. "Take them off." Lund then released the boy and sat on his secretary. He unbottened his pants and took his erect dick out of his pants. "Make it look hot."

The blond boy kept sobbing while slowly removing his shirt.

The man started to jack off. "Yeah... that's right."

Armin let out a huge sob as he took his shirt off, and his bare chest was exposed. He felt so embarassed of his body, so many flaws just linging there naked. He had long decided that if he ever stood like this in front of anyone, that person would be Eren. He'd kiss him and tell him he was perfect, and then he'd hug him and tell him he loved him. All of his fears and inibitons would fly away.

But instead of that, he was forced to take off his clothes in front of a disgusting old man, masturbating right in front of him.

"Go on." The man simply ordered.

The boy's head was hurting, from all the fear, the tension, the crying. He started to unbotton his pants. He knew he had no way to escape this, so right now he just wanted to end it as quickly as possible. As he stood only in his underwear, cold hit him. He closed his eyes and tried to remember that time when Eren and him decided to go outside to talk. It was so cold, but they were ok, because it was only the two of them, and no one could see them hugging to keep each other warm.

This memory made him feel better, until the unwanted voice called him back to reality. "Take them off too."

He looked down and the only thing he could still take off were his boxers. He was one step away from being completely nude in front of someone and everything felt so wrong.

This was only suposed to happen a few years from now, when both him and Eren got out of this place. They would get a nice house along with Mikasa, in a place where they could hold hands, and kiss on the street. They would take their time and slowly they would take off their clothes, always saying how much they loved each other, over and over again. It would be beautiful. So different than this.

Good memories and fantasies felt good for a few seconds, but in no time he'd get called back to reality and it felt like a punch to the stomach.

He grabbed his boxers with both of his hands and very slowly started to slide them down. It was so cold and disgusting. It felt so wrong, so unpure. He was so ashamed. His boxers reached his feet, and all of him was now exposed. Every inch, every flaw.

"Oh yeah..." the man started to pump himself harder at the image in front of him.

How could anyone find erotic a child, who just wants to run away? A child that is so scared, that can't react. A child being abused, and destroyed mentally and phisically. How could that monster find it amusing?

After a few seconds of that, the man came, white liquid spreading all over his chest. "This was faster than I imagined. You're just too cute, Armin." He stood up and removed his pants, his flacid dick just hanging there, while he walked to the small boy. Armin sat down on the floor and covered as much of himself as he could. "Now it's your turn." He kneeled in front of the boy and spread his legs. His hand reached the boy's lenght and he tried to escape.

He couldn't take this, he couldn't. He would just run away like Eren said. They'd both run away with Mikasa, to some place far, far away. They would all get jobs, and they would get an appartment with the money. Something small and empty at first, but as time went by they'd fill it with furniture they liked, with paitings and posters of their favortite artists and singers, and with all sort of things they wanted. A guitar for Eren, a punching bag for Mikasa, thousands of books for him.

This plan seemed perfect right now, but eventually he came down to earth as a very weird type of pleasure started to take him. The way the man stroke him was so brute and harsh it hurt, but he couldn't help but feeling the pleasure. Gasps left his mouth and he tried to squirm away again. Phisically he felt some pleasure, but mentally he felt the worst feeling he had ever felt. He felt raped, unpure. He wouldn't be pure for Eren anymore, now he'd just be disgusting, used, unpure Armin.

And he felt so wrong and bad for feeling this pleasure. Was it considered cheating? If he was having pleasure with someone else would it be considered traison? He couldn't help but to feel like this, but he didn't want to. If he could stop being there he wouldn't think twice before he did. If Lund could just disapear right now he'd immediately say yes.

After a few seconds he was fully hard, and Lund let go of him. He didn't miss his hand, or his touch. He didn't want to come. He just wanted to get up and walk away, and never remember this again.

Lund's hand found his own dick and started to pump just a few times until he was fully hardened. "Lay down." The blond wasn't crying anymore, he didn't have any more tears. His head felt like it was going to blow up, and he felt tired, so he just did as the man told him. He laid on the floor and closed his eyed as hard as he could. He started to hum a song Eren loved. They weren't allowed to hear it in the campus, but Eren remembered it from when his mother would listen to it.

_"If I lay here... If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and, just forget the world."_ He kept humming this to himself, while the older man spread his legs.

_"Forget what we're told. Before we get too old. Show me a garden that's, bursting into life."_ The man started to touch his hole with his finger, and breaking in. It hurt so much.

_"All that i am. All that I ever was. Is here is your perfect eyes, they're all I can see."_ He remember when Eren sang this to him. He imagined Eren's eyes, and for those seconds the pain was bareable.

_"I don't know where. Confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all."_ The man removed his fingers and he felt relieved. Of course the worst was coming. The man entered him with his big dick, the pain so much tears gathered in his eyes. He tried to continue the song but he forgot the lyrics. He forgot about Eren. He forgot about Mikasa. He forgot about himself. All there was in the world right now was Lund, raping him from behind. A pain too strong he couldn't ignore, a feeling of disgust so intense he could throw up. He just wanted Lund to end this. Just get it over with as soon as possible. Everytime the man pumped into him he felt like he would break. He felt like he would die. Surprisingly he ended up coming, but he didn't feel any pleasure. It felt like a relieve.

He was pretty sure he passed out on the last minute, because all he remembered was the groaning from the man behind him and his head falling on the floor. Everything turned black and he couldn't feel anything. He was grateful.

He woke up with a slap on the face. "Rise and shine, pretty boy! Are you too tired?" He opened his eyes and he saw Ronald buttoning his pants and grabbing his shirt. "We sure took a nice nap, didn't we? Have you seen the time?" The blond took a while to remember where he was, why, and why did every inch of his body hurt. When he did, all of his insides hurt, his head started to buzz.

He raised up his head and saw the time. 16:30. Shit. Shit. He came here in the morning, and now he missed lunch and the visits hour. Eren must've been so worried, looking for him everywhere. Mikasa must be worried too, everyone looking for him. A tear fell off his face and he tried to stand up, falling on the floor. The man laughed and he tried to stand up again, this time he did it.

Only when a cold shiver traveled through his body did he notice he was standing there, naked. He went for his clothes and quickly started to get dressed.

"Now listen, Armin. There's a little thing we need to talk about." He sat on his desk. "I was the one the unflowered you, you see? Meaning that I am your owner. You belong to me." The blond sobbed. "You better clear that up to your boyfriend. From now on, you are mine only. Understand?"

Armin nodded.

"If I ever see you with Eren boy again, I will make sure he gets the same treatment you did today." His eyes widened in shock. "And then I'll see if he's confortable back at the homosexual camp. Do you want that?"

Armin cried loud. "Leave Eren alone, you freak!" The man laughed.

"What happens to Eren depends only on you. Do as you want."

The boy who was now fully dressed stared at the man, fury hunting his eyes.

"You can go now. Close the door." The man turned his attention back to the papers on his desk. The boy turned and opened the door, leaving that horrible room. As soon as he was out he crashed into tears. What just happened. He wished it was only a dream, that everything was ok. He wanted to go to Eren and hug him and run away with him right now, and never come back. Now he couldn't be with Eren. The only person in the world that he loved more than himself, and he couldn't be with him. His head still felt like it was about to explode, and even though he just slept for a few hours, he felt so tired he could fall asleep right there.

He stood up and thought about where to go. He couldn't go meet Eren and Mikasa. He couldn't go to the dorm because most of the people who never had visits were there. He thought about the place that Jean showed him. Yes, that place would be perfect.

He ran over there and sat on the grass. After a few minutes of sobbing there he realised how dirty he was. His arms were full of sweat and gore, same as his legs and private parts. His rear hurt and so did his head. He stood there for a while, not sure what to do next. How would he face Eren? How would he tell him where he was? And the worst... Lund said that if he ever... that if he ever saw him with Eren again, he'd... he sobbed. He had to end up everything he had with the boy.

He'd never kiss him again. He'd never touch his hair, or look deep into his eyes again. He'd never stay up late with him talking about their escape. Eren and him weren't going to be together anymore.

Eren wasn't his anymore. And he'd never be his again.

He stood up and wiped the tears from his face. If that was the price of Eren's safety, he was willing to pay it. It would hurt like hell, but so did the last few hours of his existence, and he survived. It was around 17:10 now, so he still had 20 minutes to talk with him before God's love hour. He breathed in and out. He could do this.

He entered the building and started looking for the boy. He went to room where the visits just were, but he wasn't there. He went to the dorms, to the bar but he wasn't in any of those places. Then it hit him where he probably was.

He took the stairs to the second floor, and turned to the library. All sorts of memories came back, but he pushed them away for the moment. As soon as he reached the door, he saw the boy. Currently he was yelling at the secretary, probably asking where Armin was.

As soon as the blond saw his face, he smiled. He was so beautiful, and he was lucky to have him. Then he remembered why he was there, and his expression fell.

He started to walk towards the boy, and as soon as Eren saw him he jumped.

"Armin! Oh my god, are you ok?!" He was going to hug him but then he realised he couldn't so he just placed each of his hand in his shoulders. "Why are you crying?! What happened?!"

The blond tried to back away, but the embrace felt too good. He shook his head and his tears fell off. "We need to talk. Let's go somewhere."

The brunet looked at him with concern in his eyes for a while and eventually nodded. "Ok." They walked outside the library and went to an empty hallway. Armin cleaned his throat and prepared himself for a speech he didn't want to say.

"We... We can't be together anymore." He fought his tears away. "I don't want to."

Eren looked shocked at him. "What are you talking about?! Armin where were you today?!" His tone was scared and concerned.

"That's not the point." He sobbed and brought his hands to his face. "We're... We're done."

Eren let out a tear and hugged the blond. With his arms around his waist and his face on his shouler, holding him as close as he could, feeling his heat, his heartbeat. "Armin... You're shaking." Even though he knew he couldn't, he hugged Eren back. It felt too good for him to deny it, he figured he deserved at least one last hug. He sobbed at the other's shoulder.

"Don't tell me we're done. Tell me what happened." Reality hit him. Armin needed to push Eren away. If he didn't Eren was going to suffer, and he couldn't allow that.

He broke the hug and backed away. "No. We're done. I just don't..." he sucked up his tears. "I don't love you anymore." He needed to push him away forever. "This thing... we have it's..." he closed his eyes. He had to do this. It was for Eren's good. "It's disgusting. I don't want to do it anymore." He looked the boy in the eye and saw all the hurt that laid there. He saw how much the other boy was hurting, and it took everything he had not to crash into his arms and kiss him. "Goodbye, Eren." He then turned away and started to run. If he stayed there for another second he would crash into tears and tell the other teen everything. He would kiss him and everything would be ruined.

He ignored the pledges Eren screamed as he ran away. He ran and ran until he was sure he had lost the boy. He had 5 minutes until God's love hour, and just wanted to go take a shower and go to sleep, so he did.

He would deal with the consequences later.

**I DONT KNOW MAN, PLEASE STAHP THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE WTF WHY DID I DO THIS *sobs* This was so hard to write because I honestly can't even imagine how it must feel to be in that position. I tried hard to get the emotions right but it was not easy so if it sucks I am sorry. I tried.**

**This fanfic is so more angsty than I imagined... It's making me sad :(**

**Thanks for all the amazing support and as usual please tell me what you think or if you think I am a horrible human being on a review. I appreciate it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long wait, and for the short chapter. I know, I suck. Go ahead, enjoy ^^**

**Warning: Language and fucked up teenagers.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or its characters.**

He wasn't sure of how long he stood there, under water. He was waiting for that feeling of disgust and gore to go away, sitting there, waiting for the moment when he would feel clean again. But after so long, he was afraid it wouldn't. He scrubbed every inch of his body, over and over again, but every single thing he felt was still there. He could still feel Lund's hand on his arm, he could still feel the white liquid all over his body. He could still feel something inside of him, something he feared wouldn't go away. Whenever he closed his eyes he would go back to that place. He could feel the hot alcohol breath on his neck.

All he wanted was to get away from that place, but it was following him. He couldn't simply walk from it, he would have to live there forever.

After another minutes under the cold running water, he finally stood up and turned it off.

He still felt as disgusting as he felt before he went in.

He grabbed his towel and dryed his hair. Since it was so long it took a while until it was compeltely dry, but he didn't mind walking around with wet hair, so he just stopped and dryed his body. He then put on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and froze.

Right next to his clothes was Eren's t-shirt. He smiled, he probably forgot to wash it. He grabed it and smelled it. It smelled like Eren, a bit of sweat and rain. He held it close to him, and sat on the bed. Right now every guy was in God's love hour, so he could so whatever he wanted to.

He laid back and held the shirt in his arms, and a tears rolled down his cheek. He was so weak. He had made the decision of pushing Eren away an hour ago, and he was already failing. He was already patheticaly smelling his shirt and sobbing his name. The idea of telling the other teen the entire truth crossed his mind more than once. Right now he'd trade anything for another five minutes with the boy. For another chance to kiss him, and to hold his neck. For another warm hug, for another chance to tell him he loved him, because he was sure he didn't say it enough.

He pushed these thoughts away. He wasn't going to be weak, not on this. He wasn't going to fail everyone again. He wasn't going to fail Eren.

He would do at least one good thing in his pathetic, small life.

When God's love hour ended, and everyone returned, Eren would try to talk to him, and that would hurt. But when Koehler came in, he knew what was coming.

He was sure he was going to get much more than bruises. As soon as the man walked through that door and saw him, he would remove his belt and the torture would start. But he didn't mind, he had survived many beatings before, and he had nothing else to lose.

He couldn't manage to love himself, and he wasn't allowed to love the only person in the world he considered love worthy. What was the point of living then?

For many years he believed living was the same as surviving, but he was wrong. After his parents died he didn't live, he only survived. He had to support himself, since his grandfather didn't work, and all the money they had was spent in alcohol. He spent all those years feeling happy only when he was reading. When he was living someone else's life. When he wasn't Armin. His life was a mess, without a purpose.

But Eren, proved him that life was more than that. He showed him was it was like to love, what it was like to be loved. He made him laugh, and smile. He made him feel happy, and wasn't that more than most people get?

And then fear stricked him. If Koehler were to beat him in front of everyone, Eren wouldn't just stand there, he would try to stop him.

He knew Eren wouldn't respect the deal.

His mind started to race and panic, looking for a solution. He could handle being beaten, but he couldn't handle having Eren being beaten because of him.

He figured he would try to sleep, and then think of something but it was in vain, he felt scared. What he wanted the most in the world was run to Eren, kiss him and tell him he loved him. Tell him everything, ask for protection, and for forgiveness.

He tried to close his eyes and lay down. Only after spending a few minutes with no thoughts, he realized how serious his phisical pain was. He didn't care, he would deal with the pain. He had to.

A tear rolled down his cheek and he fell asleep, wishing he would never have to wake up again. But he did.

He woke up with the sound of a voice next to him.

"Armin! Armin, please wake up!" He stood up and looked to his side to find huge green eyes. He stared at them for a moment and smiled. Eren was here for him, he'd save him.

"What were you thinking?! Koehler is going to kill you he's..." Eren's tone was desperate. "He's going to hurt you..."

Reality hit him.

Lund. Eren. Koehler.

His smiled disapeared and he forced himself to shrug. "I don't care." He really didn't, all he cared about right now was making sure Eren wouldn't get hurt. "And you shouldn't care either." His words hurt.

"How can you say that?!"

The blond took a deep breath and stood up. There was no one in the dorm, Armin figured they were probably eating dinner. "You should care about yourself."

Eren's expression turned into one of bitter pain. "The others wanted to come too, but I think we need to talk."

The blond shrugged and made an effort to keep a cold expression, but his eyes kept telling the truth. "Yeah..."

The brunet's hand found the blond's. "Why are you acting so weird?" He forgot how high his body temperature was. He didn't realize how cold he was until he touched Eren.

Armin looked at him with foggy eyes for a while and then took his hand away. "Please... don't touch me." He licked his lips. "Please... Eren. I told you..."

"You didn't look me in the eye." Eren interrupted him.

"What?"

"Tell me you don't love me." His voice cracked. "Look me in the eye and tell me... That this..." He moved his hand between both of them. "Meant nothing to you. You do that, and I'll leave you alone. Forever."

That was his chance. His chance to make sure Eren would be ok. It also meant that he'd lose Eren. Forever.

A tear rolled down Armin's cheek, but he quickly wiped it off. He then looked straigh at the ground. "I... I don't..." he tried to breath. "I don't..."

"Look me in the eye, Armin." The brunet sucked up his tears. "I want to see you, while you say it."

The smaller teen looked at the boy with watery eyes. "Why... Why does it matter?"

"Because..." Eren closed his eyes. "Because I don't believe in you. You told me it was ok to... to love you. And I did, and I do."

"That was..."

"So if you changed your mind, I want you to tell me that. Right in the eye."

The blond looked Eren in the eye. "I..." He held his gaze. He had to, he had to tell him he didn't love him anymore. He could do it. "I don't love you. I was wrong..." He bowed his head down.

Eren smirked. "I see." He backed away and laughed nervously. "I thought you were the one Armin... I... was sure you were the one... You made me believe I was loved... Was it just an act?" His tone started to raise. "You just played with my feelings, right? Who would give a fuck anyway? I'm just a disgusting monster!" A tear rolled down his cheek, and it broke Armin's heart. He hated to see him crying.

"Eren, you're not..."

"You made me believe I was normal! You made me feel like a human being!" He hissed. "But I'm just a piece of shit! You just wanted to make fun of me in my back! Did you tell anyone?!" He approached Armin again, eyes glowing in fury. "That Eren is a disgusting freak?! That he's a fag, stupid enough to believe that he could be happy?!"

"Stop! Please, stop!" He cried out loud. "It's not like that!"

"What is it?! This morning you told me you loved me..." He sobbed and his voice cracked. "You..._loved_ me, Armin... Everything was a lie." He faked a smile and wiped his tears. "Everything you made me believe in, was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie..." Armin started sobbing hard with his hands covering his face.

Eren stared at him for a few seconds and then sobbed again. "Thank you, for making me realize that people as disgusting as me don't get happy endings." He said this and walked away, leaving him alone, sobbing on the floor.

"Eren... please..." The other teen slammed the dorm room. "Don't..." He curled up on the floor. "Don't leave me alone... again..."

His sobs came out and just hang in the empty. There was no one to hear them, no one to make them stop. He was completely alone, again.

When dinner time ended and everyone came back to the dorm he just laid down and pretended to be asleep. No one went there, no one tried to talk to him. Until Koehler arrived.

Marco ran to his bed and 'woke him up' so he could stand straight for the night counting, so he did. He didn't object when the man called him names in front of everyone, and he didn't answer when the man asked him where he was. He answered with a blank. "I don't remember."

As he would expect the man grinned and pulled out his belt, and torture began. He had already felt this kind of pain that day, so strong everything else went blank. So strong that pain was the only thing in the world. In a way, it felt relieving.

No one went there, no one defended him. No one yelled 'stop'. They just moved their gazes away from the squirming figure on the floor.

The deal was respected.

He looked at Eren for a while, not really asking for help, just to look at him and try to make it better.

Eren was crying, with his eyes closed and his hands covering his ears. He could see him humming a song.

He was happy in a way, he managed to make sure he would be safe. But the other part of him felt the worst kind of pain there is. He felt unloved, alone. It was ilogical, he wanted this to happen, but he couldn't help it.

All of these thoughts disapeared when a specially strong blow to the chest made breathing impossible, and everything lost color.

When the man finnished he wasn't very conscious anymore, but he remembered being dragged into the infirmary. The feeling was similar to what he felt earlier that day, and he just wished he could pass out like he did earlier. He wished everything would turn black forever, that he never had to feel anything again.

.  
.

When he woke up he was in the infirmary, with some serious pain in his chest. He woke up because he couldn't breathe.

"It's alright, hon. Just relax." A short, fat lady was standing next to him, holding a seringe in her hands.

"It hurts... to breathe..." Every time he inhaled a shiver of pain ran through his spine.

"That's because you broke a few ribs, sweetheart. I already gave you something for the pain, so just take in small breaths." The woman placed the seringe and the gloves on a table and left the room.

He looked at himself and saw that his upper body was shirtlees, with some bandages wrapped arround it. He touched it and felt a strong sting of pain. "Shit..." He checked his other limbs, but besides bruises they all seemed intact. Koehler was gentle on him.

He looked for a clock but didn't saw one anywhere. He had no idea of the time.

"Excuse me?" He tried to call for the nurse. "Can you please tell me the time?"

No one answered. "Hello?" He called again, but he received no answer.

Great. He was alone and vulnerable. He tried to sit up but as soon as he tried to move, pain imobilized him. "Fuck." He kept hissing to himself. He gave up on moving when he figured the pain was too much.

He didn't know the time, but he knew that he spent a lot of hours laying there, unable to sleep, and barely capable of breathing.

When he did gave in to his tiredness, the sun was rising on the other side of the window.

He woke up to the sound of the door opening. "Armin?" He lifted up his head and saw Jean. That's right, Jean told him he wasn't alone. There was still him.

"How are you?" He sat next to the boy laying on the bed.

The blond shrugged. "I've been better." There was a long silence. "Uhm... How's... Eren? Is he ok?"

Jean looked at him for a while and then smiled a little. "I don't know what you did, but that idiot is a mess. I haven't seen him like this for a long time."

Armin's eyes turned watery. "Yeah..." He sucked up his tears.

"Where were you yesterday?" Jean's face was expectant and Armin's body just tensed up. "Did it have anything to do with Lund?"

Armin's eyes froze for a few seconds and then he looked at him. Those big blue orbits looked at him and he knew. He noticed something that Eren, given all his hurt and rage, didn't. That wasn't pure, happy Armin anymore. He now had the same expression as Marco.

He tried to place his hand on Armin's body but he immediatelt ran away from the touch. "Please don't..." he said and then shut up. All of his body tensed.

He looked at him for a while. That reaction, was the exact same Marco had a few months ago. The way Marco cried, the way he hided. The way he ran from the touch, the look in his eyes whenever Lund's name was mentioned. It was exactly like his now.

Everything made sense. His eyes widened. "No... Did he... Did you...?"

The blond looked away and started fidgeting. "I had no choise... He'd..." a tear rolled down his cheek. "He'd hurt me and Eren... if I didn't..."

Jean stared at him with a shocked expression and stood up. "Marco... He..." he brought his hand to his mouth. "I..." he didn't know what to say. Shock taking him over. "Who... who knows?"

"No one can know, Jean! Please!" He cried. "The last time he found out!"

"...What? Armin I... I didn't say anything!" He approached the blond. "I'd never do that!"

They stared at each other for a few seconds. "It doesn't matter. He knows anyway." He covered his face with his hands. "Eren... He hates me... He hates me..." he let out a fake, nervous laugh. "I had to... I had to..."

"It's ok. He wouldn't hate you." It was all he managed to say. He knew he had to keep it cool now, for his friend, but all that information was killing him.

"Lund would hurt him... If I didn't..."

"It's ok." He kept repeating. At this point it was more for himself than for Armin. "It's ok. You're ok. Holy shit." He sat back on his chair next to the blond and took a sharp breath.

"I... I don't know what to do..." His sobs started to calm down.

"Shit." Jean made a confused expression. "Me neither." He sat in silence for a while. "Are you... ok?"

The blond wiped his tears. "I think so... I don't know..."

A long silence. "You think Marco...?" The rest of the sentence was implied.

After a while to process what he meant, he answered. "I don't know." He licked his lips. "I don't know..."

"Yeah.." They both sat there for a while in silence. "I should go." Silence again. "The rest of the guys will come here later, ok?" Armin nodded. "Do you want anything?"

The blond thought for a while. "Yeah, can you please bring me some books? They're on my night stand."

"Sure." The brunet stood up and turned around to leave the room.

"And... hum..." Armin cleaned his throat. "Please tell Eren that I'm sorry." Jean smiled and left the room, leaving him alone again.

He spent the rest of the day watching the door, waiting for someone to walk in. After lunch the rest of the guys went there, and were with him for a while. Everyone exept for Eren. They brough him some sanduiches, asked him how he was, made jokes about his phisical condition, and talked about how Connie and Sasha held hands. None of them asked where he was or why he didn't show up all day, and he was grateful.

After an entire day of reading and waiting, he was still hoping Eren would walk through that door. He didn't want him to forgive him, he just wanted him to care. Just wanted to see his face. After dinner he figured he wouldn't be seeing Eren for the day so he just went to sleep. Surprisingly, he fell asleep quite quickly.

Armin had not spent this long without Eren for a long time, and it was killing him. After a week of never leaving the infirmary, he thought he would end up crazy. He read all the books he had and cried all of his tears. Eren didn't even visit him once.

He didn't blame him. He didn't know. He couldn't know that all that he did was to protect both of them, and that he loved him more than he could say in words. As far as Eren knew, the blond didn't give a fuck about him, so why should he give a fuck about him? In the end, all of his lies worked. He managed to fool and hurt the person he cared for most in the world. He was a shitty person.

Still, it hurt. When he finally got out of the infirmary everyone welcomed him, exept for the one person that mattered. He spent the day normaly, going to lunch, to the dorms and hanging out with the guys but he never saw him. It was like he was running from him, skiping meals and hiding, just so he didn't have to face him. Armin didn't want to face him either, but he wanted to see him. He needed to see his face and make sure he was alive.

He needed to touch his body and make sure it was still warm, that Eren was still Eren. But of course he couldn't.

That day, he only saw him at night couting. He looked pale, and thin. His eyes weren't shinning, and his hair was a mess. He was beautiful, but not as beautiful as his Eren was. Armin kept looking at him, not even caring if he'd notice.

He clearly hadn't been eating, or sleeping much. Worry took over him, but there was nothing he could do.

Armin noticed that the brunet moved to another bunk, leaving him alone. After Koehler gave a speech about how anyone who decided to skip activities would end up the same way as the 'smart-ass Arlert' they all prayed and they all went to sleep.

Armin didn't sleep that night, and he knew, that neither did Eren.

**I'm sorry, I'm facing a major writer's block I don't even know. I know this took SO long and it's so small and not very good I'm sorry but this chapter was just so ehhhh and so hard to write I just... I'm sorry. I truly am, I hope the next one is better, ok?**

**I'm inspiring a little bit of my story in the movie Moulin Rouge (if you didn't watch it please go watch it because it is beautiful) and basicly Snow Patrol musics.**

**Please go easy on me with this chapter, it was hard and I'm trying. I'm just not sure how to approach this kind of subjects.**

**Thank you all for your amazing support and please leave a review! Ty for reading ^^**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey yall. Yey, a 'quick' update. I think for now on chapters will be a little smaller because it's hard to just develop a lot of story in a single chapter.**

**Warnings: just language I think.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or its characters.**

**Enjoy ^^**

Time passed as slowly and as painful as it ever did. Seconds seemed like minutes, minutes seemed like hours. Everyday Armin got up from a sleepless night, went to church to listen to a speech he didn't believe in, went to class and didn't listen to a thing anyone would say and went to bed to cry himself to sleep. Everything he did was automatic, with no life, with no purpose. He wasn't even sure why he did all this.

And that was pretty much Eren's life as well.

Whenever they could they would look at each other, and that was the highligh of their days. They looked at each other's eyes, nose, lips, cheeks. All things they kissed and touched before. All things they weren't allowed to kiss or touch.

As every second went by Armin would feel worst and worst for what he did to him. For the way he hurt him, for the way he made him feel.

He knew he did the right thing, but he still felt like shit.

But after a couple of weeks, things started to get easier. Eren started to laugh again, quietly and with a sad look, but he did. Armin didn't cry himself to sleep everynight, and he managed to have pleasant dreams every once in while.

He talked to Mikasa on God's love hour once, who simply said. "I don't know your reasons, but I trust you." At first he was terrified of what she might have said, but it was like she understood the look in his eyes whenever Eren was mentioned. It was a mix of hurt and caring. She knew he still loved him, and she knew he didn't hurt him on purpose. He just wasn't sure how.

The best part of those two weeks was that he never saw Lund. Maybe he was done with him, now that he was unpure and had lost fun. Maybe he was gone forever. Maybe he realized what he did was wrong. Maybe him and Eren could be together again.

All these options seemed possible to him, for a few seconds. Then he just came back down to earth and told himself that they weren't true. They would never be true, and that he was just fooling himself, like the last time. He knew the man was just waiting for the right time to attack, like a predator watching the prey from a distance. Exactly like the last time.

.  
.

It was a wednesday and Eren had just left his math class for lunch time. He was heading to the canteen full speed, lost in his train of thought. As he turned the curve too fast he knocked against someone. He heard the noise of something falling on the ground.

"Sorry." He was going to keep walking, not really caring for whatever had falling down. Until he noticed who he just knocked against. "Oh..."

This seemed familiar.

He looked down and saw armin picking a book up and then looking at him. Apparently it was a surprise for the blond as well. "Oh... Eren..."

The brunet smiled a little. He missed listening to Armin saying his name. "Hi...Are you ok?"

The smaller teen nodded and couldn't manage to hide his smile either. He missed talking to him so much it hurt. "Yeah, sorry... should've seen where I was going..."

An uncomfortable silence set between them, both of them happy, angry and sad at the same time. Eren broke it. "So... hum...How are you doing?"

Armin shrugged. "I'm ok."

The brunet nodded. "And your ribs?"

A shiver of anger ran through the blond. He was still upset from the fact that Eren didn't visit, and didn't even checked on him. "They're fine..."

"Sorry about that."

"It wasn't your fault."

After the awkward conversation an awkward silence took place again. "Sorry I didn't visit you in the infirmary. I was just..."

"Eren, it's ok. You didn't have to visit me." His tone was angry. "Just don't act like you care."

"But I do. I care about you..."

"You have a weird way of showing it." He clicked his tongue and sent him a threatning look.

Eren was genuanly offended. After all Armin had done, he was coming with this judgmental crap on him. "Yeah, you're one to talk." A killing mood set between them.

Not really wanting to know where this conversation would end, Armin decided it was better if he left "Anyway, I gotta go." The blond was going to keep walking but Eren stopped him.

"I'm dating Stacy." His sentence was followed by a long silence. That random information hit him right on his soft spot, like the brunet knew it would. He was dating Stacy?! Weeks after... that happened? He didn't even like her! He noticed he had been talking to her, but he talked to her every week so he didn't even considered the possibility.

As if reading his thoughts and puzzled face, Eren continued. "She's nice, and she cares about me. She'll help me get better." Armin stared at him with misbelieve in his eyes.

Not because Eren was dating someone, someone he didn't love. He knew he was hurt badly, and as much as it hurt, he had to endure it. But because he considered himself sick. He actually thought he could 'get better'.

"You're not sick, Eren. You don't need to get better."

"I do." He smiled. "I don't want to be like this. All I want is to get married, get a nice house, have kids and die old." He faked a laugh. "Just live like they teach us here."

"Do you love her...?" He asked, afraid of the answer. Part of him wanted it to be yes. Wanted Eren to be happy, in love again, with someome he could actually be with. Someone who wasn't a complete mess.

But he wanted him to say no so much. To say he still loved him. He was a selfish, despicable human being, and he hated himself.

The brunet pulled out a fake smile. "I'm done with that love thing. It's all bulshit." He laughed, also a fake laugh. "Look where it got us."

The blond felt himself on the verge of tears. "You won't be happy."

His smile disapeared. "I'll be happy when I get better."

A tear was so close to falling he had to work up all of his strenght to prevent it. "That's not true..."

"No. Don't lie to me again. You were wrong!" He pointed at the walls and ceiling surronding them. "They're right." His tone turned threatning and his eyes watery. "I'll stay with Stacy, just get married and live a normal life." He backed away and waved. "That's the right thing to do. You do whatever you want. Goodbye, Armin." He gave him one lest glance and then turned around, walking away.

The blond just stood there in the hallway looking at his back slowly disapearing. Everything Eren believed in was wrong, and it was his fault. He quickly got himself together and kept walking the opposite way. Hurt and regret filth his stomach, and the last place he wanted to go to right now was the canteen.

Even though he hadn't seen Lund in a while, he couldn't help to be scared as hell whenever he was alone, walking through the hallways. He could show up at any minute, just like that and bring hell back. He endured it once, the growing fear and the tremendous pain, but he wasn't sure he could do it again.

His biggest fear, was not being able to do it again, making the first and only time he did it go to waste.

He wouldn't allow that to go to waste. He wouldn't allow these last three weeks of extreme pain to be in vain.

So his best chance was to run, hide, and pray that Lund wouldn't show up. It was pathetic, to live your live in fear. To not be able to fight, to have to lose everything without a reason. He hated it, but it was all he could do.

He couldn't fight Lund and he couldn't defend himself. He didn't have a sword to fight or a shield to protect himself. He was absolutely vulnerable.

His chest clenched as he walked through an empty hallway. He could show up any time, he just had to be prepared to run. He had been living in this hell ever since Lund first noticed him, and he was getting tired.

He made it to the dorms without any problem and fell on his bed, staring at the top bed. From thoughts of fear to thoughts of happiness, everything ran through his mind for those minutes.

His stomach growled. As depressed as he was, he couldn't ignore his basic needs, and for the last weeks he hadn't been eating half of what he was suposed to. He could've gone to the canteen but he might've run into Eren again, or in worst case scenario, Lund. He simply went to his bag and removed one of the sandwiches he had stored earlier, just in case.

The feeling of his stomach being full for the first time in a lot of time was reassuring and comfortable. So comfortable he started to feel a little drowzy. He allowed himself to close his eyes and give in to his huge tiredness .

He sure needed to sleep.

.  
.

"Hey, have you seen Armin today?" Marco interrupted the silence at the lunch table. Everyone but Eren made a confused look.

"Not after church." Reiner answered and they all nodded in agreement. Eren kept quiet, the previous conversation with the blond still puzzling his brain. Jean noticing the other's silence decided to insist.

"Hey, Eren." Jean called the teen back to reality. "Have you seen Armin?" The brunet stared at him for a while, and then went back to staring at his food. "Yeah, a while ago." His tone was monotone.

"Isn't he going to have lunch?" He insisted.

"I don't know." He didn't move his gaze.

"Well, which direction was he going?" Jean's tone was getting annoyed.

"I don't know." His voice was also getting annoyed, but he kept to his answer.

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?" He clenched his fists.

Eren got angry and screamed at him. "I don't fucking know!"

Jean stood up. "Well if you weren't a selfish little brat you would have paid attention!"

"Why the fuck should I care?!" He stood up too.

"Guys... calm down." Marco tried to calm them.

"Because he's your fucking friend!" He got dangerously close to the other teen.

"Don't talk shit about what you don't know!" Eren grabbed the other's shirt collar.

Jean returned the gesture. "You shut the fuck up! You don't know shit about Armin!"

Eren's grip got stronger and he hissed. "I know more about Armin than you can imagine!"

Jean released his collar and moved his hands to the other's chest. He then pushed him away with such strenght the other fell with his butt on the floor.

"Jean!" Marco stood up and let out a cry. Jean ignored him.

"If you knew him as well as you think you do, you'd know he wouldn't just walk away like that!" Everyone in the canteen turned silent at the volume of Jean's scream. Eren looked at him in shock. "How fucking stupid can you be?! Do you think of anyone but yourself?!" He screamed loud again and then realized how everyone's attention was directed to him. He got extremely embarassed and hissed. "Wake the fuck up." He then turned arround to leave the canteen.

Marco quickly went up to Eren and knealed next to him. "Are you ok?" He extended his hand to the lying teen.

Eren stared at the blank for a while and then slapped the other's hand away. He got up on his own and also left the canteen, everyone's gaze still on him. Marco stood there with his slapped hand in mid air for a while, and then stood up.

"Geez... What was that about?" Connie stared at the door the two teens just walked through. Everyone shrugged and then went back to their sitting places, continuing lunch, except for Marco. He stood there staring at the door with concerned eyes.

"Guys, I'm going to go check on Jean, ok?" He smiled and started to walk towards the door. Reiner, Berthold and Connie sent awkward looks to each other, and then continued to eat.

.  
.

Jean kept walking with no destination, trying to cool down. Armin asked him not to tell anyone, he had to keep calm. He couldn't tell anyone anything. He turned on the corner and entered the dorm, expecting it to be empty. For his surprise, Armin laid there on his bed.

He approached him silently, trying to figure wether or not he was sleeping. As he stood next to the lying blond, a smile spread on his lips.

Armin was lying with his belly up, his chest slowly rising and lowering as calm breaths left his lips. As the brunet was especting, he was snoring.

He sat next to him, and looked at his face. To think that such an innocent thing was broke beyond repair. His chest filth with guilt as his mind wandered back to Marco. He was probably walking around worried as he was standing here, smiling and thinking about someone else but him. He quickly got up and went to the bathroom, to wash his face in cold water.

It would always help him to calm down and come back to earth. As he dryed himself, he looked at sleeping Armin again.

Classes would begin in half an hour, so he should wake him up. But he knew the blond hadn't been sleeping anything later, so he figured he should let him sleep just a little longer.

That moment Marco walked in the dorm. "Jean?" The brunet peecked out of the bathroom door and smiled at him. "Hey." He approached him with a towel arround his neck. "Sorry for leaving like that. Eren really pissed me off."

Marco smiled back. "I noticed." His gaze moved to the sleeping figure on the bed. "Armin's here." They stared at him silently for a few seconds. "He's been pretty down lately, hasn't he?"

Jean looked at him too and his smile faded. "Yeah..." his eyes moved to Marco and he felt himself on the verge of tears.

What if Marco really was... the same as Armin? Could he ask him? Should he ask him?

"Marco... I..." He made a hurtful look. "I want to ask you something." His eyes turned more watery. "You don't need to answer... if you don't want to..."

The freckled teen made a confused and worried face and nodded. "Ok."

Jean looked right at his eyes. "That night... you were late..."

The other's expression stiffened.

"Were you..." He licked his lips. "Did Lund hurt you?" He looked him right in the eye, vision blury. "Did he touch you?"

Marco froze in place, and his eyes turned watery as well. He had tried to forget these memories, but they'd always follow him. Now Jean knows.

He must think he's disgusting. He'll probably hate him forever, he'll never want to touch him again.

Jean sucked up his tears. "Because whatever happened, I'm here." He placed his hand on the other's shoulder. "You don't need to be alone in this."

Tears ran freely down the black haired teen's face. He didn't know what to say, or how to react. "I..." His eyes slowly closed and he sobbed. He then clung to the other teen with all of his strenght. So fast and abruptly Jean almost fell. "I'm sorry..." He sobbed.

Jean smiled and held him back. "You don't need to keep it from me. I'm always here, Marco." He gently passed his hand through his back. "Always."

Marco's hands were crossed behind his neck, sobbing on it. He stood there for a while and then his voice showed up. "Jean, I..." He gathered all the courage he had and finnished his sentence. "...I love you."

Jean stopped. His hand stopped. His breathing stopped. His heart stopped.

He slowly backed away, his eyes so wide they were about to pop out. Marco smiled and looked him straight in the eye. "I love you and I don't care what they think. I don't care what they say." He smiled widely. "I honestly don't care if I go to hell. We're already in hell." He wiped the other's tears. "But this hell is perfect because you're in it."

Jean stared at him for what seemed like years. He could feel tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. He could feel the lack of oxigen in his lungs. He could hear that Armin was no longer snoring. But he didn't care.

Honestly, he didn't give a fuck.

He slowly leaned forward and their lips met.

He knew that Armin was probably awake, looking at them right now, and that at every moment someone could walk through that door and their lifes would end. He knew he was about to be late for class. He knew that his lips weren't the first lips to ever touch Marco's, that Lund's lips were there before his.

All of these thoughts made his heart hurt, but not kissing him right now would hurt more.

He couldn't even control all the joy that was taking over him. His heart beat so fast that at any moment he was afraid he would collapse, or that his chest would blow up.

After a few seconds of the most innocent kiss ever, they pulled back.

Jean laughed. "Oh my god..." Marco laughed with him and they both held each other close. Foreheads touching.

Jean started laughing softly. "Armin is looking at us." Marco stopped laughing and looked at Jean with concern.

He then looked at the side and blushed live red. Armin was looking at them with the exact same color. "Oh my god, I am so sorry, I didn't see anything!" His cheeks turned even more red as he waved his hands over his face. "I... I..."

Marco hid his face in his hands. "Oh my god..." Jean laughed softly. "Sorry for waking you up..." He blushed a little too. "And for that..."

"No! I'm sorry!" Armin stood up clumsily "You don't have to worry about anything... I... I should go I have... classes..!" He then smiled very awkwardly and left the room.

Marco slowly raised his head from his hands and laughed. "That was the most embarassing moment of my life..."

Jean slowly held his hands. "I can make it more embarassing..." He smiled and leaned forward again, his lips touching Marco's again. It was as innocent as the other, and all of their inibitions disapeared. "I love you, Marco."

The freckled teen blushed again. "You did make it more embarassing." He held Jean's face with his hands, and stared at him. "You don't hate me, right?"

Jean's expression turned serious. "I just said I love you."

"But..." Marco's voice started cracking and a tear threatened to fall again. "I'm not... good for you anymore." His tear did fall off. "I'm disgusting..."

Jean wiped his single tear and smiled. "You're Marco." He kissed his nose. "My Marco." He moved to his eyes. "And what happened to you, changes nothing." He pulled back again. "You're the exact same boy I met five years ago." He kissed his lips again. "Nothing can ever change that."

Marco had never felt happier in his entire life. He smiled the most genuine smile one could possibly imagine. "We're going to be late for class." They looked at the clock and saw that in five minutes classes would begin.

"Yeah, we should go." They smiled and left the dorm. Thank god no one decided to go in during lunch time.

.  
.

Eren leaned against a wall in the hallway bathroom cubicle. Anger and hurt were boiling inside of him, coming out in the shape of tears. He was angry that he couldn't forget about Armin. After nearly a month of pain, of gathering everything he got to forget about him, he couldn't take him off his mind.

He was so angry at Jean. Angry that he made him doubt his choises, that he told him he didn't know Armin at all. But he was most angry about was that maybe he was right.

What if he was so stupid and blind that he missed the blond's emotions, fears? Maybe he didn't know Armin as well as he thought he did. Maybe he really was a selfish brat who only thought about himself.

Hurt and regret started to drive him crazy. He had agreed with himself to forget about Armin, to stay with Stacy. He just wanted to live a normal live. Why couldn't he move on?!

He punched the wall and let out a specially loud sob. "Fuck!" He punched it again. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He stopped when his hand became paralised with pain. "Armin..." He brought his hands to his face. "I miss you."

**So yeah, this was way to depressive so yeeey Jean and Marco kissed! I wasn't sure wither I should do that or not, but I wanted to do it and they wanted to do it so why not ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**Eremin is still pretty fucked up and I'm still not sure how to fix it. Just a few very vague ideas crossing my mind. It hurts to see them hurting but I don't know any better D:**

**Anyway, ty for all the amazing support and for reading ^^ If possible please let me know what you think in a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Wow, sorry for the long wait but school is about to start so I had to take care of school stuff and all D: Also, with school updates will be much less often, sorry :(**

**Warnings: language and phisicall abuse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or its characters.**

_"Eren!" Mikasa ran all the way to her brother and clinged to him, as usual. Only this time, something was off. He didn't held her back, he didn't smile. She pulled away and held his face with her hands. She had an idea of what was happening. "What happened to Armin?" She looked at him with concern, but Eren looked away. "I didn't see him the entire week! He wasn't here on Saturday, not even in God's love hour."_

_It had been a week since Armin and Eren ended it all. Since Armin ended it all, to be exact._

_"And I never saw him on church, or on Thursday!" She kept her concerned look, but Eren wouldn't look at her. She quickly followed the train of thought. "What did Koehler do?!"_

_Eren shook his head and his eyes started to get watery. Mikasa could tell by the way his face looked he was about to cry. "Just come here." She grabbed his hand and guided him to the corner of the room, where no one could see him. "Just tell me, is he ok?"_

_He looked ashamed and took a while to answer. "I don't know..."_

_She made a severe look. "Last saturday you were concerned because you didn't know where he was. Where was he?" She tried as hard as she could to get clear answers._

_"I don't know..." He closed his eyes. "He didn't tell me."_

_She was getting both annoyed and concerned. "But did you find him? Was he ok?" The brunet didn't answer. "Eren! Where is Armin?!"_

_"In the infirmary!" He screamed and his vision got blurry. The girls eyes widened and he eventually continued. "Last week, I didn't see him all day... and after visits hour, I kept looking for him..." He licked his lips. "I found him in the library. He wasn't ok... He was shaking and crying and... I tried to talk to him, to know where he was but he wouldn't..." A tear rolled down his cheeck. "He wouldn't talk to me... He kept saying we were done and that we were disgusting..." He sucked up his other tears and wiped the one on his face. "After that he just ran away and he didn't show up to God's love hour..." His expression became desperate. "I tried to help him, I did...!" He looked at her in dispair. "But he told me to mind my own business, that I should worry about myself..."_

_Mikasa's eyes widened. Armin was trying to protect him._

_"I was so angry... When Koehler showed up he just beat the hell out of him, and I..." He let out a fake laugh. "I just stood there with my eyes closed. Humming that song mom used to listen to. I closed my fucking eyes while he was being beaten up... I'm the most disgusting human being..."_

_Mikasa's hand found his shoulder. "You're not. You couldn't have helped him..." Picturing the boy she had grown to care for so much squirming on the floor hurt her. "How is he?"_

_"According to Jean he just has a few broken ribs. He's coming out today." He brought his hands to his face. "I wanted to visit him. I really did, but I didn't have it in me... I was so angry and hurt... I didn't..." He sobbed. "I didn't visit him. Not even once." He looked at her. "I didn't fucking visit him Mikasa. I'm a disgusting monster."_

_She held him in a close hug. "Eren, you're not a monster. You were hurt. Everyone gets hurt. Everyone has their moment of weakness." She smiled at him. "It's ok."_

_He held her back. "What hurts me the most is that I miss him. I miss him, so damn much." He clenched his fists. "And I don't want to. I don't fucking want to, Mikasa. The things he said..."_

_"It's ok. You're only human." She kissed his forehead. "You can't control your emotions."_

_They pulled appart and he smiled at her. They stood there in silence. "Mom used to kiss us on the forehead when we had nightmares."_

_She smiled too. "Yeah. And she'd sing that song."_

_He laughed a little. "Yeah. I still know the lyrics." She laughed. "Me too."_

_After silently staring at each other for a few seconds, Mikasa brought her hand to her brother's face. "I don't know what happened, but I know one thing." She smiled. "He loves you, Eren."_

_The teen smiled weakly and grabbed her hand. "I thought so too. But he looked me in the eye, Mikasa. I saw his face while he said he never did." He bowed down his head and his smile faded. "He was telling the truth..."_

_The girl's eyes widened slighlty. None of that made any sense._

_"Is he coming to God's love hour later?" The brunet lift up his head._

_"Yeah, he must've left the infirmary a while ago." He couldn't avoid the tiny smile that showed on his face. "I hope he's ok..."_

_She faked a smile. "I'm sure he is."_

_She sure as hell would have a little talk with him._

_She tried to forget about it during the rest of that time with her brother, focusing only on trying to cheer him up, or distracting him from his thoughts._

_It felt actually kind of nice, to spend that time just with Eren. She loved Armin, but she missed being alone with her brother._

_After that, they said their teary goodbyes, and each went back to their campus._

_She passed that half an hour sitting against a wall, trying to figure things out. She knew Armin loved him, she simply knew. Whatever he did, had a motive. She also knew her brother wasn't the most prespective person in the world, so she was hoping to be able to get some answers out of the blond._

_As the clock hit 17:30 she entered the room and spotted the blond in the back, sitting alone in the bench. He looked terrible. There were bags under his eyes and he looked thiner. She could see in his eyes he was absolutely miserable. As soon as his eyes were on her his expression turned darker._

_He looked like he saw a ghost._

_As she approached, he licked his lips a thousand times and kept shifting his position. As soon as she got there, he lowered his eye level._

_She sat next to him. "Are you ok?"_

_He looked at her in disbelief. He was expecting her to be furious, but instead he saw her with a sweet smile, and eyes full of concern. "I'm sorry that Eren didn't visit you."_

_He moved his eyes. "It's alright..." Her hand found his shoulder, and the boy flinched at the touch. Something was definately not right._

_"It's not. Stop playing tough." Her tone stiffened. "I don't know what happened, but he should've visited you."_

_His eyes turned watery, and he didn't answer._

_"Armin, please talk to me." She shifted in her seat, now facing him. "I'm worried."_

_He tried his best to fake a small smile. "Don't be. I'm ok."_

_She raised an eyebrow and abruptly grabbed his wrist. She then felt his arm up. "You"re thiner. Have you been eating?" He didn't answer. She then grabbed his face. "Your eyes are red, and you have huge bags. Have you been sleeping?"_

_He kept his wide eyes on her face. She was genuanly worried about him. He moved his eyes to the ground. "I'm fine... Please worry about Eren." He moved his eyes through the big room. "Where is he?"_

_She shrugged. "He's talking to Stacy." She moved her head and her eyes tried to find his. "Armin."_

_He stopped. "Mikasa, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting Eren, and you. But I don't regret it."_

_She kept her serious look. "Why did you do it?" He kept silent._

_She reached the obvious conclusion. "You can't say, right?" He looked at her, part of him relieved that she understood._

_She smiled. "That's alright. But Armin, if someone is hurting you..." her smile disappeared. "Let us help you."_

_He nodded negatively and brought his hands to his face. "No. No, you can't help me. I'm just a mess, you both need to stay away." His watery eyes looked at her. "Everyone needs to stay away from me..." He clenched his hair. "Please... trust me."_

_"We don't want to stay away..." Her tone started to get desperate._

_"It's not your choise!" He screamed and brought attention to them. "It's my responsabilty... I'm not going to be a burdon for Eren... or anyone. I rather be alone." He tried to smile. "Just please... take care of him." They stared at each other until she finally nodded._

_"Ok. I don't know your reasons, but I trust you." Her hand found his. "Can we still talk?"_

_He looked at the beautiful girl and his smile faded. "It's better if we don't... I'm sorry..."_

_She nodded, slowly stood up and held him in a hug. "Please sort things out. I want to listen more about the universe some day." He smiled and nodded._

_"Hey! You there!" Mother Campos yelled from across the room. "No hugging allowed!"_

_They separated, and Mikasa slowly walked away._

_In his mind, that was goodbye._

.

Armin was walking with Jean and Marco through the hallways. As time went by, he was getting more and more relieved. He still hadn't seen Lund anywhere, and he was getting suspicious. Maybe he really was gone. Even though he didn't want to believe in that, he couldn't help it.

"So have you heard what happened in the girls campus?" Jean was feeling quite talkative that day.

Both Armin and Marco nodded negatively.

"That Ymir girl was beaten up badly. They actually had to send her to an hospital." Both of them looked at him in shock. "I don't really know the details, but I think she beat up the dude responsable for night counting there." He raised his eyebrows. "I think he's even worst than her."

Armin saw a shadow at the end of the hall.

"Geez... How do you know that?" Marco asked shocked.

He squinted his eyes trying to figure out who that shadow belonged to.

"Annie told Reiner and Berthold on Saturday. And apparently it had something to do with that girl... Christa, I think she was late for curfew and the dude was going to..."

He stopped listening to the other's speech as his body froze. His eyes were lingering on the last thing he wanted to see right now.

Lund, was standing right at the end of the hallway.

He automaticly stopped walking, his eyes wide and focused on the old man. Just looking at him brought back all those images he was trying to forget. That moment took over his brain and he couldn't move.

He knew he wasn't gone. He knew he would never be gone.

Noticing that the boy was standing still, the other two stopped talking and turned around to check on him. "Oy, Armin." Jean furrowed his eyebrows when he saw the other's expression. "What's the matter?"

When the blond didn't answer, both brunets followed his gaze, and ended up with their eyes on the same person as him. Marco immediately widened his eyes, and flinched out of reflex, while Jean's arm was instantly stretched in front of the freckled teen. It was his main priority to protect Marco from whatever might harm him.

And Lund was on the top of that list.

"Tsch. Lets go the other way." Jean growled, and Marco nodded, his eyes still frozen on the tall figure standing ahead of them.

But Armin didn't move. He didn't listen to a word Jean said.

"Armin." Jean turned around and tried to talk to him. "Armin." He tried to keep his voice low, the last thing he wanted was for Lund to see them.

Marco turned around too. "Armin." He walked to him and grabbed his shoulder. "Lets go."

The touch brough Armin back to earth. He had to keep it together. He looked at Marco in dispair.

"Come on." Jean insisted as he stood in front of the two boys.

Armin nodded, and when he was turning around, he looked straight into Lund's face, and he saw it. Lund looked straight at them and smiled.

The motherfucker smiled.

His heart started to race in panick and he wanted to throw up. His head was so light that if he closed his eyes he knew he would fall on the ground. He grabbed his stomach and supported himself on Marco's shoulder.

"Armin, keep it together." Jean tried to scream but he couldn't afford to speak too loud, even though the man had already spot them, and was now walking their way.

"Shit." Marco tried to help him stand up but the blond was nearly passing out.

All he could think was how he ridiculous he was being once again. No wonder the man chose him, he must've been the weakest, most ridiculous boy in the entire school.

As he saw the man approaching, Jean immediately pushed Marco and Armin behind his back, and stood right in front of them, arms stretched in front of them, facing the man.

He could not be afraid. Not right now.

"Well hello there. Do I know you?" The man stood there with his nice smile, looking at Jean, who made a disgusted face and growled.

"There's nothing for you here, old man."

The man laughed loudly and looked back at him with his smile back. "Now, now. No need to be hostile. I just want to have a little chat with my friends there." He looked at Marco and Armin.

The brunet hissed even louder. "I said no. Leave them alone."

Lund's smile disapeared. "Excuse me, but I believe I work here." He stepped forward. "I'm in charge." He grabbed Jean's wrist. "You are not."

The teen tried to release his hand from the grip, but the man was much stronger than he appeared. After a few seconds, the man let go. "I am in charge here. Learn your place."

Jean tried to hide the pain in his wrist.

"See you later, Armin." The man turned around and started walking away.

As much as he hated himself for thinking this way, he was happy the man said Armin instead of Marco.

He stayed in that exact same position until the man turned the corner. Only then he allowed his body to relax and his hand found his injured wrist. He approached the other two.

"Jean, are you ok?" Since there was no one else on the hallway, Marco brough his hand to the brunet's face, who responded by smiling.

"I'm fine. You?"

Marco smiled back. "I'm ok." He looked back at Armin. "But he isn't. How long do we have until our next class?"

Jean checked his clock. "10 minutes. Just lean him against the wall. I'll go get some water." He disappeared through the corner.

Marco did as he was told and sat Armin against the nearest wall. He then tried talking to him. "It's ok Armin, he's gone." The blond kept taking very small breaths and was looking more and more pale.

"I... I can't breathe..." Everytime he tried to take a bigger breath it felt like his lungs would close and that he'd sufocate.

Marco recognized the feeling. He was having a panick attack.

He tried to remember everything Jean did for him that time. First of all, he had to keep a quiet and calm posture. "Lets try and count together, ok?" He smiled and Armin nodded. Marco did as he said he would and started taking small breaths, counting as he did so.

Jean was so much better at this than him.

After they reached ten the blond's breathing was more even and calm. "Don't worry. He's gone, it's just us." He remembered that when Jean said this to him he felt much better. "You're safe."

That moment Jean ran back to them holding a glass of water. "Hey, are you ok?"

Armin nodded. "Yeah..."

Marco sighed in relieve. "Damn... You scared the hell out of me..."

Jean handed the glass of water to the blond and made a disgusted face. "That guy..." he hissed.

"Jean." Marco said this with a tone that clearly meant, 'not now'.

Armim drank a sip of water and then brought his hands to his face. "I'm sorry..."

"Hey, that was not your fault." Marco placed his hand on his shoulder. "I panicked too. Jean was the only one who kept his cool."

"Tsch, like I'd let that fucker get near you again." He clenched his fists.

Marco smiled. "Thank you. If it wasn't for you both Armin and I would be screwed."

The blond nodded. "Yeah... Thank you."

The brunet blushed a little and smirked. "What matters is that you're both ok." His hand found and squeezed Marco's hand lightly, who responded by smiling at him.

"Yeah, we're all ok."

The stood there a few more minutes so Armin would calm down a little, and eventually they had to go to class, but Armin couldn't manage to focus.

_"See you later, Armin."_

What did that mean? He didn't want to see him... he couldn't see him. He couldn't. He wouldn't be able to go through that again.

The pain, the fear, the disgust.

His plan was to run, but apparently he couldn't even manage to do that.

Fear always lingering in his mind, he tried to stay as close to his friends as he could, but finally at the end of the day he had to break appart from them. They had classes in different floors, so he climbed up the stairs alone. All he wanted was to at least be able to go to class, otherwise Koehler would make sure to 'punish' him again.

He did. He made in to the classroom and saw the teacher arriving. He sighed in relieve.

The class lasted for an hour but for him it seemed like minutes. He just wanted to stay a little longer. He knew that as long as he was in there he was safe. He walked out of the classroom and tried to decide wether he should go to the canteen or directly to the dorm.

He was hungry, but the dorm was much closer. The closer, the less he had to walk alone. The less he had to walk alone, the less the risk of being caught.

He made up his mind and started walking towards the dorm. Unfortunately, his calculations were wrong.

"I told you I'd see you later."

A voice came from behind him. Armin widened his eyes and didn't dare to look back. He didn't need to.

"You thought I was gone didn't you? That you'd never see me again."

A tear rolled down the blond boy's cheeck.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere."

.  
.

Eren had just left his classroom and was now walking towards the canteen, and his mood wasn't at its peek.

He was probably going to have to sit alone at dinner, because he still hadn't spoke to jean since the fight, and he wasn't planning to. He was still upset because part of him knew Jean was right, but he just couldn't admit it. And he was worried. He was worried that maybe Armin had a reason, a reason strong enough to say all those horrible things.

It had to be a hell of a good reason.

_"No! Stop!"_

He heard a familiar cry from across the hallway.

_"No! I'm not doing this again, let me go!"_ The voice sobbed.

He stopped for a while thinking what that could be.

_"Please! Please, don't!"_

His eyes widened. That voice.

_"Shut up!"_ He heard the sound of something being punched and a whine of pain. _"You're calling too much attention. Keep quiet!"_

Sounds kept echoing through the hallway and then a door was closed.

Eren approached it and saw that it was the door that led into the staff's office. What the hell was Armin doing there? And why was he crying like that?!

Worry went all the way up to his insides and without a second thought he oppened the big door.

He hadn't been there in a few years, but he still remembered the place. The doors that led into private rooms and the principal's office.

He knew that if someone found him there without permission he was as good as dead, but he wouldn't be able to leave until he knew what was going on. He tried to see if he could hear something but everything went silent.

He approached each door silently, trying to hear anything from inside there, but there was nothing. Just when he was starting to get even more worried, he heard a scream from the same voice he heard a while ago.

_"Let go of me! I don't want to do this!"_ The sound of something being punched and a whine was heard once more, and Eren ran to the door the sound had just came from. He approached his ear to the door.

_"If you don't take them off, I'll take them off for you._" He could hear sobs.

_"No, don't touch me..."_ He could clearly recognize Armin's voice now, and a shiver of worry and rage took over his body.

_"If you don't do this, I'll hurt your little boyfriend."_ The sobs suddenly stopped._ "Is that what you want? For that little Jaeger boy to get beaten to death?"_

Eren's eyes widened and got watery. What was that man talking about...?

_"N...No... Don't hurt Eren... Please..."_ Armin's voice had a different tone now. He was clearly still crying, but not resisting anymore.

All of Eren's insides turned around and he wanted to throw up. He let out a loud sob and all of the rage he had pilled up came to the surface.

Armin.

As a tear rolled down his cheeck he quickly backed away from the door and stared at it.

He stared at it before he raised his foot, and kicked the door with all of his strenght. The pain ran through his leg but he didn't care. As the door blew open, multiple fragments of wood and pieces of the lock flew through the air. The sound was deafening, and the pain was enough for him to fall on the floor, but he didn't.

The image he saw inside of the door was enough to bring more tears of pure rage to his eyes. He wanted to scream in shock and cry in fear but he just couldn't move, or speak.

Inside that door was Armin, completely naked being pushed against a wall, blood falling from his nose and mouth, while Ronald Lund kept a strong grip on his wrists, forcing them against the wall with a such strenght he was afraid they would break.

Both Armin and Lund stared at him in shock for a few seconds, until the blond let out a genuine smile. "Eren!" He took advantage of the fact that the man had loosen up the grip on his wrists to break free and run all the way to the brunet.

Right now he didn't care about the consequences, or about what Lund was going to do in a few seconds. He just was just so happy that Eren found him he couldn't find it in himself to care. "Eren!" He clung into the brunet with all the strenght he had, not daring to let go, and started sobbing to his chest.

The brunet, still in shock with what was happening held the blond in his arms with all the strenght he could manage, protecting him at all costs. He also let out a sob.

He had so many questions.

"Armin..." He looked at him. The boy was a mess, filth with blood, tears and snot. Completely naked, but he didn't care. He was holding as close to him as he could.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." The blond cried on his chest while Eren was still trying to figure what was happening. He noticed how Armin was shaking so he quickly removed his jacket and placed it around his shoulders. He went back to holding him close.

Unfortunately for them, Lund came back from his shock state and stared at them. "You disgusting freaks." He hissed with a disgusted, and extremely furious face. "You're going to fucking die!" The man moved to behind his desk and oppened a drawer. A smirk showed on his face. "I'm sorry, Armin. You sure were a good fuck." He took something out and aimed at them.

It took Eren half a second to realize it was a gun and with the fastest reaction he ever had, he held Armin's hand and ran away from the door. The sound of a gunshot echoed through the entire hallway, and passed right next to their heads.

Both teens let out a scream as they were striked by fear, but didn't dare to stop running. People were already leaving their office's due to all that noise, but none of them tried to stop them. They quickly left the staff's office and kept running, still holding hands.

Eren led them into the dorm, where he quickly went to his drawer and removed clothes. He threw them at the blond.

"Put those on, quickly. We're leaving." Eren spoke with a firm voice.

"Where are we going?" Armin asked between sobs while putting on the clothes Eren threw at him.

"Away from here." He finnished putting clothes and food in a backpack that was laying under his bunk.

"We can't leave this place!" Armin cried out as he finnished getting dressed.

"We can try. We're dead anyway." He sent Armin a severe look. "Come on."

"What about Mikasa?"

Eren stopped for a second and then kept packing. "We'll come back for her."

The blond closed his eyes and let out a tear. "It's all my fault."

"Hey." Eren's hand found his face and wiped a tear. "Now is not the time." He quickly withdrew his hand. He still wasn't sure of what was going on between them, or what happened at all. He'd make sure to discuss that later if he had the chance.

Armin melt at the touch and nodded. Now was definetly not the time. They quickly ran out of the dorm and checked if there was anyone around, luckily it was empty. "There's no way we can go to the main building." The main building was where the door was, but students were only allowed to leave the school with someone, of age, who would be in charge of them.

Suposelly, teachers were supposed to take them out at least once a month, but they never did. Therefor, only a few students with older friends could leave the school. The rest of them, would stay locked up in that place until they turned 18.

Armin's face dropped. "They're probably getting here any minute. There's no way out of here." He lowered his head. "Just say you have nothing to do with it. Maybe they wont send you away!"

Eren nodded. "Fuck no, Armin. We're leaving." He grabbed the blond's wrist and ran to the outside, now both of them walking on the grass.

"Eren, there's no way we can do this..."

"Of course we can."

Armin sobbed. "Eren..." He stopped running, making the brunet send him an angry and confused face. "Act like you have nothing to do with me. They'll just punnish you for the door!"

"I'm not doing that!" Eren let out a pained shout.

"It's the only way out of this!" Armin screamed too. "Otherwise they'll just send us both to hell! I'm not letting that happen!"

The brunet approached him. "It's not you choise!" He let out a tear. "A few months ago, you said that we'd go to hell **together**!"

Armin's eyes widened.

"Don't fucking go back on that now!" He held his hand. "If we go to hell, we go **together**, just like you said! Remember?!"

Of course he remembered. How could he forget.

They started to hear step and screams inside.

He released his hand. "Come on. We're jumping through the wall." The brunet ran over there and placed his backpack on the floor.

The wall was at least 2,5 meters high, and since the campus was on high land, on the other side there was at least a 10 meters fall into grass. It was their way to guarantee no student could leave the school without permission. Armin stared at him in shock. Even if they did climb up, there was no way they could jump from that height.

He looked at Armin. "We don't have all day!"

"Eren are you crazy?! We can't jump from that height!"

Eren shouted back. "It's the only way out! We'll survive if we land correctly!"

The blond kept staring at him in shock. "Armin!"

He knew they could survive, but they wouldn't be able to run if they broke their legs. Either way he decided to do it. If they didn't, it would be way worst. He quickly climbed up Eren's hands, arms and shoulders, and held onto the top of the wall. Eren pushed his feet until he was completely safe up there. Looking down the wall was scary, the height enough to make him sick.

Eren grabbed the backpack and stretched his arms up, Armin quickly grabbing them with his own. He mastered all of his strenght, and not sure how, he managed to pull Eren up. They were both on top of the wall, a giant fall laying in front of them.

"It's grass. Protect your head with your arms and bend your knees. Land on your feet and roll up to the side as soon as they touch the groud." Eren got himself in that position. "If you do this, worst case scenario you break a leg or two. I'll go first." The brunet took a couple of breaths and jumped foward. He did exactly as he told Armin to do, but as he reached the ground and rolled to his side, a pained scream echoed.

"Ah! Fuck!" The brunet rolled on the ground, grabbing his left leg. Worry went up Armin's insides.

"Eren!"

One of the staff members appeared. "They're here!"

Armin breathed in and out. He could do this. If he didn't it would be much, much worst. He got himself in the position Eren instruted, closed his eyes and jumped foward.

The fall seemed like it would never end, and as soon as he landed pain ran all the way through his body. He rolled to the side.

"Shit!" He sat up and checked his legs. They were hurting like hell, but he could move them.

They weren't broken.

He tried to stand up, the adrenaline making up for the pain. "Eren!" He ran to the boy who was crying in pain and kneeled next to him.

"I think its broken." The brunet held his leg with his hands. It wasn't at any weird angle and he couldn't see the bone. At least that.

The blond extended him a hand. "We gotta go. Stand up." The brunet brought his other hand to his mouth so that he could bite it while standing up. He knew that under severe pain one could bite out his tongue without knowing. With Armin's help he was able to stand up, and while sobbing in agony they both started to run away from the wall. It would take the school staff at least 5 more minutes until they were able to follow them, so they had a huge advantage in front of them. They couldn't waste it.

They were out of the school, but with all the pain they didn't even noticed it, the adrenaline still pumping in their veins. They had to get as far away as possible, but with Eren in that state Armin wasn't sure how far that'd be.

They kept walking fast for a while, until a few buildings came in sight. The blond couldn't help it but smile, as realization dawned on him. They were out of the school. No more church. No more beatings. No more Lund. No more lying.

They were free.

**THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE LIKE WHAAA..**

**Well this was a plot twist. But guys, guys. This was sort of a happy chapter, right? Kind of... right? *cries in corner***

**Anyway, thank you for the amazing support and if possible please leave a review telling me what you think ^^**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey ^^ Sorry for the super long wait. For those of you who asked no, it's not over and it wont be over that soon :)**

**School is killing me and I had a few family problems so this update was really hard to write because i barely had time to sleep. Anyway, here's a pretty long chapter. Enjoy!**

**Warning: Language and some gross shit but pretty much language.**

**Disclaimer: I do not owm SnK or its characters.**

The buildings in front of them were mostly abandoned. There was an old, unhabited house and a few other houses that judjing by the laundry hanged on the windows still had people living there. There was also a very bad looking coffee, but other than that just ruins and closed shops. It was a totally abandoned area, that probably wasn't very safe. It wasn't nearly as far as they had to be from the school, so Armin kept guiding them through the empty street until, after around 20 minutes of a slow, painful walk, Eren couldn't take it anymore.

"I... I can't walk..." The brunet fell on the ground with a pained groan.

"Eren!" The blond managed to soften his fall on the floor and knealed next to him. "We can't stop yet. We're too close to the school, they'll find us in no time."

The brunet was pale, and with his breathing irratic. He tried to hide his pain while he spoke. "I can't move... I'm sorry..."

The blond thought for a while and finally placed his arm around the other's chest. "Lets just get out of the streets. We'll hide in those ruins for a while." He lift Eren up, which requiered such strenght that he barely managed it. His legs were also hurting from the fall, but he just had to hold on a little longer.

He dragged him to some ruins, and walked into a hidden spot there. There was half a ceiling and most of the walls, so they could probably stay there for a while.

He then leaned Eren against a wall. "There you go. Now to your leg."

He pulled up the pants that covered his wounded leg, and brought his hands to it. Eren let out a pained scream.

"Ah! Shit!" He punched the floor and brough one of his hands to his mouth.

"I'm sorry." Armin brough his hands down again and very carefully inspected the injurie. The bone was probably fractured, but it looked like it was in the right place. "We need to get you to a hospital..."

The brunet nodded a no. "No way... They're probably already looking for us there..." He tried to calm down, and ease his breaths. With his leg laying still the pain was much, much better. "And we can't stay here for long either. They know we're wounded, we couldn't make it very far." He used the back of his hand to clean his forehead.

Armin nodded. "Yeah. Do you think they'll look for us?"

Eren nodded. "Of course. We know shit... Even if they can control the local police, there are many ways we can fuck them..." A tiny smile showed on his face. "Wouldn't that be nice..."

The blond sat down and held his own legs. Now that the adrenaline was leaving, pain was taking place. "Shit... How long until they find us...?"

The brunet shrugged. "No idea, but not long... We need to get away from here."

The small teen agreed. "But we don't have any money, and we can't walk by foot."

Eren brought his hand to his face. "This was a stupid idea..."

"And it was all my fault..." Armin angrily gripped his hair. "I'm so stupid... Why did I yell? I should've just done what he said!" Pain spread on his head too. "I'm so selfish! I'm a useless, dispicable human being..."

"Hey, it's not your fault! I'm here because I want to. We go to hell together, ok?" Eren placed his hand on his shoulder, and Armin looked back. "I'm glad I went there, I'm glad I heard you. I would do it all over again...Don't ever say that again..."

Only at that moment Armin realized the meaning of Eren's touch, how he missed it. They still had a lot to talk about.

A familiar awkward silence took place, and with a fast movement Eren withdrew his hand. They would talk about it when they had time, not now. They still had to run. "How's your leg?"

The brunet shrugged. "Better when not moving... yours?"

"Hurt like hell, but I can run." He stood up with pain on his face. "We have to move, I'll get something for your leg." He stood up and quickly started to ravish the ruins, obviously looking for something. Eren stared at him with a curious look, until he heard an 'ah-ha' and saw the blond approaching with a strong piece of wood.

He then riped off part of his sleeve, and went back to touch his leg.

"O...Ouch..."

"Sorry..." He tied the piece of wood to the broken leg with the strap of cloth, making some sort of splint for it. After that he placed the backpack on his shoulder. "This is the best I can do without medical supplies. Can you stand?"

The brunet took a sharp breath. "Sure hope so..." With the blond's help he applied strenght on his good leg and slowly stood up. The pain was much more bareable with the splint. "So what's the plan?"

"We'll have to rely in the kindness of strangers..."

The brunet made a weird face. "What do you mean?"

Armin started walking while supporting him. "The employe from the coffee. We'll ask them."

Eren stopped. "What? What if they just turn us in?"

"After we tell them that they did that to you, I bet they wont have the nerve to do it."

Eren stared at him for a while and eventually started walking again. He did have a point.

They left the ruins and walked slowly into the street. The coffee looked awful, but it was their best shot. As they walked in, the back of a man behind the counter came in sight. "Actual clients? Well that's new." The man turned to face them, and fear ran down their spine. He was around 30 years old, extremely short, shorter than Armin, with short black hair and eyes that could scare anyone.

He looked at them from up to down without changing his expression. "You brats don't look too good." He kept cleaning the dishes like it was nothing.

"We need your help. Please." Armin begged him with huge, teary eyes. If this didn't work they were pretty much hopeless.

"Well, for 2 dollars I can get you a burguer." He didn't remove his eyes from the dishes.

Armin looked at him, anger in his eyes. "We're not hungry. We need help getting away from here."

The man didn't even look at them. "Well, unfortunately I quit my job as a tourist guide yesterday." He grabbed a glass and started cleaning it. "If you're not buying anything just leave."

Armin stared at him in disbelief, until anger took him over. He gently helped Eren sitting on one of those chairs, and went to the counter. "Now listen here..." he read the name on the name tag. "...Levi. I'm honestly not in the mood for sarcasm right now, because like half an hour ago some pervert tried to rape me, then tried to shoot us, which made us jump from a height of 10 fucking meters, which as you can see resulted on my friend there, breaking a leg, and on my own legs hurting like fucking hell." Levi looked at him. "In a few minutes those religious freaks are going to find us, take us back to that hell of a school, beat the living shit out of us and send us to homosexual camp."

The man's expression changed.

"Best case scenario. So if you could just please fucking help us out here, we'd appreciate it." He backed away and took a sharp breath. "Please..."

The man slowly ended up cleaning his glass, placed it on the counter and looked at him. "You ran away from that Christian school?"

Armin nodded.

The man shrugged. "Not bad. What's your name again?"

"Armin." He pointed at the boy sitting in the chair, eyes closed, trying to forget the pain. "This is Eren."

The man leaned on the counter. "The thing, Armin, is that I win nothing in helping you." He rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, it's a good action, and I'll be a good person or whatever, but..." He filled a glass with tap water and took sips from it. "Good actions don't pay the bills. And as you can see, I have a lot of bills to pay."

Before Armin could say anything, a male voice was heard from inside.

"Levi!"

The small man turned. "What?"

"Are those customers?"

Levi shrugged. "Sort of."

Steps could be heard from inside the place, before the figure of a smiling man showed up behind the counter. "Welcome! I'm sorry if Levi here didn't gave you a warm reception."

The man was extremely big, being tall, built up and with a handsome face. He had very short blond hair, and matched the steryotipe of the amercian hero. He didn't have a name tag. "So, what can we do for you?"

Armin stared at Levi with teary eyes. They didn't have time for this.

The small man rolled his eyes. "These brats got in trouble and are trying to run away." He removed his apron. "Unfortunately we're not a charity house so..."

The man made a serious face and walked from behind the counter, all the way to Eren and grabbed his leg.

"Hey!" Armin approached them, not trusting the man.

"Let go!" Eren screamed, pain shivering in his voice as his leg was being touched.

"This is a serious fracture. But since it was vertical the bone stayed in his place." He turned to Armin. "And by the way your legs are trembling you won't be able to stand up much longer..."

Armin looked down. He didn't notice that his legs were trembling, but the pain kept growing. "How did you do this?" The man put on a threatning look and approached the blond. He shivered, and stood a while without answering.

"They jumped from that Christian's school wall."

The big blond furrowed his eyebrows. "No way." He looked at the teens searching for some sort of confirmation. They both looked away, and he lifted his eyebrows. "Wow..."

He moved to behind the counter again. "Why's that?"

"Look, we don't have time for this!" Eren stood up abruptly and fell back on the chair. "If you won't help us we'll figure something out..."

"You talk a lot of shit for someone who can't even stand up." Levi interrupted him.

"Levi..." The big man scold him.

Eren clenched his teeth. "Whatever, we're leaving." He put all of his strenght in his arms and actually managed to stand up, while supporting himself on the table. He sent Armin a look and he quickly got it, running to him and placing his arm over his back.

As they started to stumble towards the door, Levi said something. "Did you say they'd send you to homosexual camp?"

Armin stopped and clenched his teeth. He shouldn't have said that, now they'd probably turn them in. If they were just normal boys runnig, they might've had a chance, but not like this. He cursed himself in every word, and simply said. "Yes." Before he continued walking. He wanted to say something more, but he was so close to tears that a few more words and he'd crash into sobs of pain and fear.

The big man's eyes widened. "Levi..." he turned to the man with a pledging look.

The black haired man sighed. "I know... I know..."

Both teens stopped and turned to them. Armin thought he heard empathy in their voices, but he could've been wrong.

"I'm Erwin. What are your names?"

Armin swallowed his tears. "My name is Armin. This is Eren." He adjusted Eren on his shoulder. "We beg of you. Please, just take us somewhere."

Both grown ups shared a look, until Levi rolled his eyes. "You're gonna do something stupid."

Erwin made a scary face. "We'll help you get away from here. That's that."

Eren and Armin looked at each other and nodded.

The blond then grabbed some keys from behind the counter, and started walking towards the door, Levi quickly grabbing his jacket and following behind. He walked past the door and looked behind. "Can you walk?"

Armin adjusted Eren in his arm again and nodded. "We got it."

"Close the door." He then turned around and followed Erwin towards the car, the two teens walking slowly behind them, closing the door as they were commanded.

It was an old car, in a horrible red color. One of the headlights was broken and the painting was already coming off. It was surprising it could still even work. Erwin sat on the driver's seat, while the smaller man sat on the one next to it.

They got in the back part of the car with help from each other, none of them really capable of doing it themselfs. After a big struggle to get in, they finally sat down. Armin sat on a corner, face relivied from finally being able to relax his aching body. Eren did pretty much the same, but his broken leg was stretched, making him sigh in relieve.

After a few tries, the car started running. For the first five minutes of driving everyone was quiet, not sure what to say, how to say it or when to say it. Finally, Erwin broke it. "You two obviously need medical care, but you can't go to a hospital. We'll drop at a friend's of ours place so she can look you up."

Levi turned to him with an annoyed face and arms crossed over his chest. "You can't mean four-eyes."

"The last time I checked that was our only friend that actually knows something about medicine." The blond smirked. "That way we even get to catch-up with her."

"Tsch..." Levi sighed and turned to the window.

"Thank you. You have no idea how much you're helping us." Eren spoke up.

Erwin smiled. "We do actually." His partner turned to him, sending him a look. He continued either way. "We know what that shit's like. Homosexual correction camp."

Both teens shared interested looks, and the black haired man simply looked towards the window again.

"Levi and I met in one of those." He looked at them through the rearview mirror and saw the boys with a confused look. "But I'll spare you the story of Levi, the little orphan and Erwin, the boy that could never live up to his parents expectations." His smile faded. "People decided we were freaks, so they sent us to a place where they would 'cure' us." He shrugged. "The thing is, there are a few things in life you just can't control, and who you love is one of them." He slighly looked at the man next to him. "You can try to deny it, to cure it, to ignore it... But it's there, and people shouldn't be fucking ashamed of it."

Oh. A hundred questions popped in Armin's mind. So were they together? Were they happy? Could they go out in the street and hold hands without anyone sending them looks? Did they have to keep it a secret?

As much as he wanted the answers, that was none of his business. He figured he should keep his mouth shut.

"Geez, write a novel..." Levi said this with an annoyed face, but if you looked closely at his cheecks you could notice the tiny blush spread there. Erwin smiled and ignored the comment.

"The point is that thing was a living hell. Spending everyday of your life being told you're sick, you're a monster, you're disgusting..."

"Erwin." This time the small man's tone was harsher. There were things in their past that had no point in being digged up.

The blond stopped for a second. Levi was right. He finnished his speech. "That shit is messed up, and no one deserves to be there."

Armin smiled slighlty, part in joy and part in relieve. They were lucky that they found someone as kind as to actually help them, even though it was for their own personal reasons. He sat back and felt relaxed for the first time in a long time.

As they drove to low, comfortable radio music, he could hear Eren's breathing right besides his. Everything was ok, and he could finally remove that huge weight from his chest, at least for a while.

He quickly allowed his eyelids to close, and started to doze off.

Just before he fell asleep, he felt something warm holding his hand. He didn't even had to open his eyes to know it was Eren's hand. The temperature, the shape, the way his thumb gently rubbed his palm. It was a feeling he missed, and right now was more than welcome.

For the first time in a while, he fell asleep smiling.

.  
.

_"Armin. I love you..." Eren's hand held his face. "I missed you..."_

_A tear of joy rolled down the blond's cheeck. "I love you too, Eren."_

_They were both standing on the top of a hill. The sun was shinning bright, and a cool wind blew their hairs. There was only them in that world._

_They felt no pain, no regret, no hurry._

_Suddenly, when everything seemed perfect, Eren's expression changed. "Ew..." He started walking away from him, pure disgust in his face._

_"What's wrong?" Armin asked approaching him. Eren responded by backing away faster. "Eren... What's wrong?"_

_He started to feel cold, very cold, like the wind was penetrating his skin. As he looked down, he noticed that the wind was indeed in direct contact with his skin. He wasn't wearing anything, he was just standing there, completely naked. Embarassment took him over. "Ah... Uh..." His imediate reflex was to cover himself._

_Out of a sudden, a sense of disgust hit him. He felt so dirty, full of sweat, of dirt. Everything about him was sticky. There was a white substance covering his chest, and in a matter of seconds he realized what it was._

_His face became one of horror. "H... Help me..." He cried out in fear._

_"Gross..." Eren said as he was backing away. Looking only at his dirty body. Never once did he look at his face._

_"W...wait!" He tried running to him, but his body was stuck. His feet were glued to the ground, and as he tried to run he fell down. He tried to stand up but every part of his body that touched the ground glued to it._

_As much as he squirmed, as he fought against that strenght he couldn't move. He was stuck. "Eren... Help me..."_

_The brunet approached, and as he was standing next to him, a smile showed on his face. "Why should I help you? You're disgusting..."_

_Armin let out a tear as he kept squirming, now completely glued to the ground. "Please..."_

_The smiling teen knealed next to him. "You're disgusting. Your body is not even yours anymore..." He smirked. "I am never touching you again. No one will ever touch you again..." He then stood up and started walking away._

_"No...! Eren!" He sobbed as he fought with all he had to break free. "Please...!" He could see Eren's back slowly fading. "Don't leave me..."_

"Armin!" He felt a strong squeeze in his hand. "Armin!" He was pulled back to reality from what he recognized as Eren's voice. He could feel his heart racing and the sweat slowly forming in his forehead.

He looked at him. "Eren..." The brunet's face was staring right at him. He could see his huge eyes, his beautiful lips and his perfect nose with tiny wrinckles. It was enough to calm him.

He looked at his side and saw that their hands were still linked together. Eren was touching him, Eren was next to him. His heartbeat kept calming down, even though the foggy memories of his dream kept lingering in his head. Eren would think he's disgusting, how could he not.

"Are you ok?" The brunet looked concerned at him. From his expression it was obvious that the nightmare Armin was having wasn't only in his head.

He gripped Eren's hand with more strenght, looking for that warmth, that comfort. Instead he only found a shallow feeling. The touch felt fake, cold.

Eren was touching him because he didn't know. He didn't know half of it. Armin needed to know he'd still be there after he knew, after he explained him what he went through.

He didn't want to live in a lie anymore.

He faked a smile. "I'm fine..." He released the hand, receiving a confused look from the other. "Where are we?"

"Almost there." Erwin answered bluntly.

Outside was already dark, and according to the radio time it was around 23:20.

Totally forgetting about his legs, he tried to lift them in orther to shift his position. Pain stricked him so suddenly and strongly he almost let out a scream, making him remember everything of his last hours of existance.

Eren turned to him immediately. "What's wrong?"

His legs felt like they were going to blow up, and he could feel the blood pumping through them. He pulled up his pants and saw that they were red and extremely swallowned, with bruises all over them. They looked horrible. "My legs... They hurt like hell..."

Erwin joined the conversation, with an expression between a smile and a concerned face. "You're lucky they're in one piece. Jumping from 10 meters... You have to be suicidal."

"On the contrary. Not jumping would be suicide..." Eren brought his hand to one of Armin's legs, so gently he barely felt the touch. "Are you ok?"

The blond nodded. He wanted to feel the touch, like he did before that dream. Instead he just felt cold fingers running through his cold body.

"This is it." Erwin turned to the left, approaching a small house and parking there. It was a regular house, with a pretty yellow color and a well treated garden. There were also huge trees surronding it, making it almost impossible to see, specially in the dark.

As the car was parked, the black-haired man got out of it and walked towards the door. Erwin slowly removed his keys and cint belt and turned back. "Don't move, I'll help you get out."

He left the car and openned their door, gently helping them get out. Eren couldn't even set his foot on the floor anymore, so the grown man eventually gave up, grabbed him, and carried him. He turned to Armin. "Are you ok?"

The small blond nodded as he stood up. "I got it..."

"Sorry... This is really embarassing..." The brunet teen apolagized while he was being carried towards the entryway. Erwin didn't answer.

Levi stood next to the door, when they approached. Eren being carried and Armin slowly walking behind them. The built man slowly set Eren down on the floor, allowing him to support his bad side on his shoulder.

After receiving a look from his partner, Levi rolled his eyes and knocked on the door. They waited silently for a while, until the door very slowly, slid open. Behind it was a weird looking woman, wearing glasses that covered most of her face. They had to admit it kind of creeped them out.

"Hanji!" The built blond man let out a smile, and the woman responded by smiling too.

"Oh my, if isn't Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She laughed along with the blond and Levi rolled his eyes.

"It's been a while. Levi, you look even shorter." She teased him.

"Yeah, yeah... Lonely much?" He growled and smirked at the comment, but approached the woman.

"You know me..." She abruptly held the small man in a hug, and he responded by smiling slighlty and patting her back. He might seem like a very tought guy on the outside, but you could notice slight signs of caring in his movements and expressions.

"Yeah, yeah... Save your feeling for some other time..." He pulled back.

"What are you doing here at this time of the night? And who are these?" She smiled at the two teens, until her smile disappeared noticing their expressions. "Oh..." She furrowed her eyebrows as she noticed their legs. "You two can't even stand, what the hell... Come on, get inside..."

She gestured them to walk inside the house, and they did, both teens lumping as they did so. It was a total mess, books spread everywhere, even the floor. She guided them to the living room, which also was completely caotic. She quickly went to the couch and removed everything from there to the floor, gesturing for Eren to lay down.

Armin sat on an armchair next to it.

"Geez, this place looks like a fucking dump." Levi looked disgusted.

"Yeah, yeah... the apron is behind the door." The woman answered automaticly before knealing next to the brunet lying teen.

"Tsch..." The small man rolled his eyes before he left the room and entered the kitchen.

"These two jumped from a height of 10 meters. I think this one has a broken leg." Erwin gave the information as he approached the couch where Eren was.

Her eyes sparkled and a smile spread on her face. "10 meters?! That's impressive!" She touched the leg, earning a whine from the boy. "There's definatelly something broken in here. I wonder if you broke your fibula or your tibia! Maybe you broke both!" She looked at Eren and Armin, who sent her scared looks.

"I... don't think that's a good thing..." The brunet said with a scared tone.

She kept feeling his leg with her hands, until she made a bored face. "Your tibia is fine, your fibula is broken. Boring..." She stood up and looked at Erwin with a scolding look. "I thought I taught you how to diagnose these things."

The man smiled and brought his hand to the nape of his neck. "Well you did... But I wanted to be sure..."

She looked at the boy again. "You're good, the bone's in the right place and all. I'll just put a cast to it, ..." She looked at him. "Hum..."

"Eren." He smiled. "Thanks."

Apparently Hanji had a doctor degree, but prefered working on her own experiments alone in her place. She examined both of them, with all the care and patience in the world.

After she reached the conclusion that Eren had indeed fractured his fibula, but since it was in the right place there was no need for surgery, she applied a cast to his leg, and gave him some pain killers.

In Armin's case there was no fracture, but simply a shin splint. She said it could be extremely painful but the only way of healing it was rest.

Therefor after she had finnished her examination and Levi finnished brooming the house, both him and Erwin went to the kitchen and made some sort of pasta. They ate while listening to Hanji's blabering about all sort of experiments she did. The reason of their condition or why they didn't visit a doctor was never asked or mentioned, and for that they were grateful. After the meal she sent both teens to a room, claming they had to rest.

"I'm sorry but there's only one bed. Is that a problem?"

They smiled slighly. "Not at all."

"There are towels in the bathroom, so feel free to take a shower. Get some rest." She smiled before she left the room, closing the door.

As a door closed a different mood was set.

This was it. They were alone and had no reason to run. Nothing could stop them from talking now. Armin knew he couldn't avoid this, he knew Eren deserved to know the truth. He was tired of the lie himself.

He slowly walked towards the bed and sat there with his back turned to the him. Silence took over.

They both knew what was coming, it was only a matter of who would start the conversation.

After a few minutes of silence, Eren broke it with the words the blond knew were true. "I think we need to talk."

His body tensed up as he slowly nodded. He didn't dare to show his face to him. "Yeah..."

Silence again. Eren stared at the blond's back, trying to understand why Armin wouldn't look at him. "What... What was happening, back there?"

The blond didn't answer. He felt tears gathering in his eyes, but he couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. He turned and faced the brunet. He was scared shitless of the result of this conversation. But they had to have it, right now.

After staring at Eren for a while, Armin stood up, walked and sat right in front of him, their faces close enough they could feel each other's breaths. Right now, Armin's were irratic and uneven.

"I..." he began his speech but stopped in the middle. His mouth stood open but words wouldn't come out. He cleaned his throat. "I... I need you to hold my hand."

Eren furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"And you can't let go. You..." Tears started to peak out of his eyes. "You have to promise me that you won't... let go of my hand."

The brunet stared at him for a while until he moved his hand and grabbed Armin's. He took it as an 'ok'.

He took a sharp breath. "It started a few months ago... Lund would come and talk to me. At first he was just being nice but... after a while he..." He licked his lips. "He started to touch me and... say weird things..." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I tried to tell him to stay away, but he... he found out about... us." He looked at Eren, who looked at him in shock. The grip on his hand grew stronger

But the touch still felt distant.

"W...Why didn't you.." he tried to speak, but words wouldn't come out.

The blond closed his eyes to prevent his tears from falling. "I couldn't... He said that if I told anyone... or if I tried to resist he'd..." He looked at him. "He'd hurt you..."

Eren let out a tear. He oppened his mouth but no words came out.

"That day..." His voice weakened. "That day I didn't show up he... he took me to his office and... he..." He couldn't manage to say it. "...he..." Before he could end the sentence Eren released his hand.

He released his hand and he felt like his world was going to fall appart. He was wrong.

Eren thought he was disgusting. He'd never touch him again. No one would ever touch him again. The tears he was holding in found their way out. He didn't care if he cried, it didn't matter.

He shut his eyes. He didn't want to look at the world. The world was an ugly place.

Before he even noticed what happened, he was pulled into a warm embrace. He smelled a mix of sweat and medicine. His eyes widened slowly as he figured where he was.

Eren was hugging him. He was holding him by his chest. He could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. Eren was... touching him.

He could hear sobs next to him, and couldn't keep it in anymore. The touch felt better than it ever did.

It was like all of a sudden, he could feel his every muscle. His every breath. His every sob.  
The temperature was so hot he felt like he was burning, but it was a good kind of burn. He held him back, with all the strenght he had, sobbing next to him.

They didn't care about the pain, or the last month of complete hurt. They were finally feeling each other's warmth again. With no secrets, with no lies.

After a few seconds, Eren started to calm his sobs. "H...How many times did he..."

The blond stopped him. "Just once. I... I couldn't do it again..." He sobbed. "I'm weak..." He pulled back and looked at Eren with a smile on his face. "I'm not like you..."

"You idiot..." Eren tried to smile. "You're so much braver than you realize..."

Armin's smile disappeared. "Everything I said... it wasn't true..." He looked at him with teary eyes. "I'm sorry for everything... I couldn't lose you..."

"You didn't..." Eren held Armin's face with his hands and wiped his tears. "You didn't..." They stared at each other for a few seconds, not sure where this would lead to. What Armin wanted the most was to feel his lips again. The way they burned against their own, the way they moved in perfect sintony. The way they managed to make him forget everything in his head. "But..." Eren's face changed into one of pain and he let go of Armin's face. "You can't just drop this on me, I..." He wiped his own tears. "I'm confused..."

Deception spread over Armin's eyes. Of course Eren wouldn't fall right back on his arms. Not everything was going to be a fairytale. He nodded and slowly backed away. "I get it..."

An awkward silence took place. Trying to avoid it , Armin made an escuse. "I'm going to take a bath..." Eren nodded and he stood up. He walked in a slight pain towards the door and closed it behind him. He walked silently towards the bathroom, the sound of laughter coming from downstairs. As he entered the small cubicle and turned the warm water on, a sob left his mouth.

He was finally alone, no one could hear him. He could cry about whatever he wanted.

About the friends he left behind, the pain in his body, the regret in the pit of his stomach. But mostly, about the clenching his chest did whenever he even thought of Eren.

**As always thank you for the amazing support and if possible please leave a review :3 The next update will probably also take a while.**


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